Here it goes, going to try and explain this as best I can.... I started planning quite a while ago now and originally started out with 5 bm's then 2 of them both did things to really annoy me and didn't really act like they should considering the close friends they were meant to be, one is a very old friend from school and an old family friend too she is also my sons godmother she basically took no interest in wedding we're always trying to out do each other etc but are still close in a weird way anyway I told her I really couldn't afford 5 bm's and she was quite happy to give up her post which annoyed me a little but we're all fine again now The other one I met through my ex and we've both since had children and grew really close at one point used to meet up all the time I asked her to be a bm and her daughter a flower girl anyway I moved area last year and now don't see her or speak to her as much and basically to get to the point she kept ignoring me again wasn't being a good bm then to top it off booked her wedding 2 weeks after mine which really annoyed me she then asked me to be a bm for her but it started to turn into bride wars every time we spoke she would try to out do me on the wedding planning or steal my ideas eventually I said to her maybe its best if we're not each others bm's as I cant help her with her wedding as I have my own to organise and vice versa, anyway we have since grown apart EVEN more and I have now had to cut down my day guest list so have taken her, her partner and 2 kids off along with a few over people as once we go over 50 guests the price per head is really high. What I want to know is if you were told you were invited to the day then got an evening invite instead without being told would you be really mad? I havent spoke to her much lately I sent her a std card but it just literally had the date on it not which part of the day she was invited too also I have a sneaky suspicion that she's going to demote me to the evening of her wedding too and I just think we've drifted apart lately, thinking do I really want her there at the day plus its not just her its her and 3 others so cost adds up you know, I really hate doing things like this but it has to be done and everyone else apart from another 5 or 6 guests mean a lot more to me should I tell her before I send evening invite or just send it and see what happens from there So sorry its so long but had to explain my reasons x x x
i would just send it hun if she does say anything just tell her the truth u couldnt afford it and felt really bad about it but there was nothing u could do, when i told peeps i was getting married they said oh don't forget my invite some of them are really close to me too but i had to be honest and explain it was family during the day as our wedding is a package deal and its only 30 day time guests and for the 3 course sit down meal but we have triple that for the night time yes its hard not having every 1 there but the cost would spiral if we tried to have every 1 and the truth being its ur day hun u can only afford to have those closest to you shes still got an invite she should be happy with that xx
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorFuture mrs mac
I think it would be better to call her or meet up with her and explain that you can only have 50 during the day and unfortunately with family etc you don't have room for her but hope she will come to the evening reception. Just thinking i would be a bit put out if I was bm then just going to the evening do but if it was explained it might not be so bad?! Don't think she will be mad as guessing she will know how expensive weddings are. x
CommentAuthorSian''OCD''Holkham
Exactly plus my h2b lost his job b4 xmas and our deal is 50 people for the day so had to try and stay to that number x
I would just send it, chances are she's not going to be surprised, especially if you barely talk these days.
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthorbrilly
sian did u manage to get a backdrop hun xx
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorSian''OCD''Holkham
No :( I didn't just going to leave it can't be bothered with the aggro I think I'll just send it and if she moans she moans at least she is coming to evening x
If you feel bad just pop a letter explaining why she has only been invited to the evening reception. To be fair though I get quite cross that people just expect to be invited to weddings, and you shouldn't really have to justify why to anyone really. If she is getting married herself, she will know how difficult it is to budget and decide who to invite and who to leave out because of the cost. x
Why to people expect an invite?? grrr , ive had a so called mate on my FB saying she looks forward to getting an invite to the wedding as she really wants to see everyone and catch up with them! errmmm...yes do that in your own time and not as my blooming expense! ive just ignored that one lol...back on track...sorry...i would just send the evening invite out to her and if she comes back moaning - just explain to her about limited numbers and expense, im sure she will understand hun x
CommentAuthorSian''OCD''Holkham
Well my guest list was getting out of control anyway with h2bs parents friends etc added to the day and I was a bit like wait a minute I want people there who want to see us getting married and being together not just coming to see what are wedding is like what I'm wearing etc I'm just gona send it its tuff x
I think if it were me having already invited her to the day verbally I would probably have chat with her to explain why. I would be really worried about having the chat as that is just in my nature but i would feel it would be the best thing to do. Lets be honest between us guys there are reasons why she wont be invited to the day anymore, it sounds like she wasnt particularly a good friend of late and like you say you have drifted apart, also the money situation. Also as everyone has said she prob wont be suprised but at least she wont have the excuse to bad mouth you or say anything nasty for not telling her before sending the invite. I'm not saying she would but sometimes these things can cause issues. Anyway, I would probably REALLY want to just send the invite however I think I would prob push myself to speak to her first. If after that she wants to fly off the handle then she really is silly! That being said it is up to you and I can see how hard these things are to deal with. I have been so lucky, my three bridesmaids are being so great, one lives 6 hours away, the other over 2 hours away and the other one is local to me but they have all been so helpful and brilliant at communting for dress fittings etc, I am very lucky. Hope everything works out okay for you hun x
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
I have also had to explain to a lot of friends that I cannot invite them as we have a guest list of 90 already and thats just family!! The only friends attending are those in the bridal party. They were all very understanding and happy to just come to the evening. Some family friends have even offered to pay for themselves as they really want to be there and we cant afford to pay for them. I do think you need to explain though as I would feel a bit put out if I was originally going to be a bm and then only got invited to the evening. I think just a small note in the invite would do though. Just write on it that it is going to be family and close friends only to the reception due to numbers and cost xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
you cant please everyone hun its your day, youre footing the bill so if she dont like....lump it!!!!!! xxxx
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorSian''OCD''Holkham
laulyloon I am exactly the same as you I doing things like this I like to please everyone and obviously I can't I think maybe I will send her a message or something to explain but I am now at the point with her where if she doesnt like it then its her own problem theres only so many people I can have and I need to keep costs down x
hiya hun i had this similiar dilema - was best firned with a girl got a new job hardly see each other i got engaged then she did i asked her to b bm she said yes but then said she was getting married so wouldnt be a good idea, got a std card from her but am now only invited to evening do - in all honesty im not really bothered because i think were both trying to hold on to a friendship that isnt there anymore, i think id rather cut the strings not go and thats that, sounds like the same sorta thing, just think about how you feel and if like me ultimatly your not bothered then.. i wouldnt worry about it!!!!!
Thought I would update you I sent her a message asking for her address as said I needed to send her invite but unfortunately can only invite her to the evening as we have taken a budget cut and had to take a few people off the list she replied and seemed ok with it bu turned around and said she had to do the same so I am only invited to her reception now think shes lying a bit about budget cuts as she's spending a lot on her wedding think she just wanted to get one back oh well all sorted now x
i've had exactly the same issue except she was just a close friend not a bridesmaid... i'm tempted to say be straight with her and tell her that you cant afford for her to come in the day... then she can't say anything however i did have a strong worded conversation with my friend and it resulted in me not wanting her at my wedding at all... we're speaking again now but i dont trust her to maintain a good friendship so i've not bothered adding her back to my list... which might be worse than you demoting her to the night do... i'd just text her and say i'm sorry i wanted to let you know before you got the invitation that i've had to make alterations to the daytime part of the wedding and i can only afford for you to come at night I hope you don't mind... x
CommentAuthorSian''OCD''Holkham
all sorted now anyway thanks for your comment though hun x
