DH's cousin is having a vow renewal and we've been invited. He's moved daaaaahn saaaahf about eight years ago, the rest of the family all live in Yorkshire, as do his wife's family.
We went to the original wedding - which was a lovely day, however, very costly for us - about £500 quid a couple when you factor in travel, accommodation and gift. They got married locally to them (which is about seven hours travel time) and are planning to renew their vows in the exact same location, same venue even down to serving the same food. She's wearing the same dress (mind you, I don't blame her - she had the most beautiful dress) and it's pretty much a reenactment of the day.
Now, the big day was only five years ago. As far as I know, it went without a hitch and everyone she wanted there was there. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time at the wedding and it was one of the most enjoyable weddings I've been to.
For me personally (and no offence is intended) I'm not a fan of vow renewals for no reason - it kinda defeats the point, especially if it's done as if it was the wedding. That said, if it was local, we would go to support the couple.
However, £500 is a lot to spend to go to a vow renewal when we had to fork that much out five years ago to go to the original wedding. Most of the family feel the same way however DHs aunt (who is a bit of a powerhouse) is kicking off and saying how bad cousin will feel if none of us go. We're quite a large family and made up about three quarters of the guests at the original wedding.
I feel like putting my foot down and just saying no, but am I being unreasonable? we COULD afford it, but I'm sure I can think of better things to spend 5k on.
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorAlexN29
I personally wouldn't pay out £500 to go to a vow renewal if I went to their wedding only five years ago. I might be a bit bias as I don't really see the point in vow renewals if you had the big wedding where everybody attended (hope I don't offend anyone with my opinion). My cousin had his vow renewal at ten years as they eloped, a few people didn't see the point as they just put themselves into 10 grand worth of debt. I would just say you can't afford it and if you do go, I wouldn't get them a gift, just a card.
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
It's an awkward one really, I'm with you in that I don't really see the point, maybe for a very big anniversary... but I think it's weird when people decide to have renewals for the sake of a renewal :/ (no offence to anyone on here who has done or is planning on having a renewal)
The thing is £500 is a lot of money for you to spend like you say :/
CommentAuthorElizabethF49
I tend to agree my best friend just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary with a vow renewal it was low key and local. the reason they had a vow renewal was that they split for about 3 years and they wanted to reaffirm their love in front of their friends and family to prove that they were stronger than ever they have been back together for 6ish years.
If it was only 5 years ago why do they feel the need to do it all again so soon, Personally I wouldn't go, I could think of better ways to spend my money.
After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
Our son is 5 years old and our world
Getting married 15.08.15.
Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
I think it's a bit soon for a vow renewal and a bit weird to re do the whole day the same and to wear the same dress... I wouldn't be going...
I could understand if the first wedding wasn't what they wanted, I.e. They couldn't afford the big bash, now they can....but it seems like they are just doing it for the sake of it, and 5 years is no time really. Tbh, I don't think I'd go, and it's certainly not unreasonable to not want to go again either. I like a good knees up, especially a family event, but I think 2nd time round and it being an expensive do....well, I can think of better things to spend 500 quid on
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
I would say no too I'm afraid....x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
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CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
5 Years???? I would understand it if it was something like 10+ years, but not 5, but then again, I see it that you should only need to say your vows the once, and only renew them if you've had a possible separation and got back together.
I'd say no to the invite if it costs that much, they may find that many more from the family do as well so it's going to be a small affair for them!
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorclairenina
I wouldn't even need to think about it, it would just be a no from me. I don't get the whole vow renewal thing anyway. Vows when made are eternal, so not sure why they need to be renewed
CommentAuthorbarbie86
No, I wouldn't go. I might if it was local, but even then I probably wouldn't TBH.
I just find vow renewals, esp so soon after the actual wedding, a little attention-seeking. I'd quite like to do one with my OH at some point, maybe on our dating anniversary, but if we did we'd do it abroad, just the two of us.
The only time I don't have an issue is if the couple didn't get a big wedding the first time round/something went wrong.
CommentAuthorSonya
Nope I wouldn't go. Personally I don't get the whole vow renewal thing either (sorry to anyone that does). My view is that when I say my vows they're for life, they don't have an expiry date so shouldn't need renewing.
Became Mrs Mulholland on September 12th 2014!!!
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
It pleases me to see other people have the same opinion as myself, when u posted that I don't believe in renewal of vows I thought I might get jumped on.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorAlexN29
edited
I think that is a big resounding no from everyone. I agree with Barbie86 that it seems a little attention seeking.. Glad I wasn't the only one thinking that! I asked my h2b for his male opinion and he also said he wouldn't go. £500 is a lot of money I would rather put that money into going on a nice holiday :) Why couldn't they just have a anniversary party? That would be more appropriate
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I wouldn't bother either. I can see why people sometimes renew their vows, but maybe renewal isn't the best word. I went to a renewal for a silver wedding, and it was more about a reminder and refresher, not just for the couple, but for all their friends and family, those who had been at the original wedding and those who hadn't. I suppose it can reinforce the fact that what people have said all those years ago hasn't changed and is still totally relevant. The other one that I went to was in a case where the original wedding had been ruined due to family rowing, and the wife was in poor health and potentially didn't have much longer to live (although to the best of my knowledge she is still around). It does rather sound like these people just want the day over again. I'm glad they had such a wonderful day, but it won't be the same, and I think they might be disappointed. Far better to just have a five year anniversary party, and there's no reason why she can't still wear the dress. My mum wore her wedding dress at my parents silver wedding party (partly I suspect to prove that she can still get into it).
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorCharlieBe-Cool
I dont get the whole vow renewal thing, but even if I did, I wouldnt expect it pre-10 year mark, and even thats too soon. Sorry for those who like the idea and have/are doing it. I wouldnt go. Id just say its too expensive and send a card!
Met my prince charming - May 2002
Finally tying the knot - July 2015
Where there is love there is life - Muhatma Ghandi
CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
I wouldn't go either. £500 is a lot of money.
Met 18/09/03
Engaged 06/09/08
Getting married 05/09/17
CommentAuthorClaireP814
Wow! £500 is crazy! How many of you are there in the family? Could you look into hiring a coach and block booking a youth hostel or something similar so that the whole family could travel down and stay together and save money on travel and accommodation and no one would need to drive? (I come from a VERY large family too!)
CommentAuthorLauraK7
As really say you can't afford it it make it and just send a card
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
And it's a no from me ......just like the others say I can understand reaffirming your vows after a significant number of years or if you have something happen in your life..
Why don't they just have a big anniversary party .( prob wouldn't go to that either if travel etc was costing that much !!)
I would not fork out £500 for a renactment of a wedding that only took place 5 years ago. I may have a renewal but will prob be in like 20 years, when our children are grown and have a smal quite ceremony abroad in greece or the like with just immediate family.
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorFranM76
Nope, Im with everyone else, they'd get a card from me! If it's for no apparent reason other than to reinact their big day, I'd say it's probably going to get a similar response from most people! xx
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
Wow it's not often there's such a consensus amongst the uk bride ladies!
Well, me and DH have decided we are definately not going. We've been speaking to some of the rest of the family and they feel the same way. To be honest, it's causing a lot of aggro amongst the family - the parents of the bride and groom (both sets) all think it is a marvellous idea because the wedding day was a big success and had assumed we'd all want to go.
DH is skypeing the cousin in question later this week (they do occasionally anyway as they get on quite well) and will see what he says...I'm really curious as to the reason behind it...in my opinion, you can never recreate the wedding vibe that makes the day so special.
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
At least you're giving them the heads up early of your non attendance, just don't let them try to make u feel guilty into going,makes me cringe when ppl have their minds changed so easily! Which seems to happen so often with weddings on here...drives me mad x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorBethanyS
I agree with Kel, try not get dragged into feeling guilty and then saying you will go. You've made your decision, end of! x
CommentAuthorInDreamland
It's a lot of money, it's a no from me too. Also, vow renewal so soon! I thought that's what people do at like 30 years or so! Just have a party.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
Lol, a little extreme but that would be fun, I'd pay £500 to see that x
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Yeh I like lala's idea lol
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
You've already come to a decision but I agreed with everyone else anyway. 5 years doesn't seem very long; I don't really see the point of them either and recreating the day is a bit weird. I'd maybe consider doing on for big anniversary like 25 years but we 'declare' our love to each other everyday so why would anyone want another show and dance; the wedding is awesome on its own :P
Met in 2009
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CommentAuthorSamanthaJ141
renewing vows is nice if its been 50 + years or something but not 5 years i think its asking too much of people and maybe showing off
CommentAuthorAH86
I would say no... Even if you just give them a small gift that's better than spending the full whack x
Friday 10th April 2015
Marrying my best friend
Not long now :D
CommentAuthorHelenW
I wouldn't go either. The only people I know who have renewed their vows, is my grandparents for their ruby wedding anniversary! There is a particular church all my nan's family got married in and they couldn't (I don't remember the exact reason why!). Anyway, my grandad thought it would be a nice surprise if he booked the vow renewel at the church etc so thats what they did! That is a good reason for a renewel in my eyes, after a lifetime together.. xx
"Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary
life, love gives us a fairy tale"
CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
I wouldn't go, tell them you already went to their wedding once you don't feel the need to go again xx
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
When you're in touch with them it might be worth pointing out that even with all the same elements it won't be the same, even if people did come. You can't possibly recreate that wedding excitement, and I worry that they're going to be really disappointed and end up souring the memories of that wonderful day, because it couldn't possibly be as good. Hopefully they might rethink it and just have a party.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
I go with Elinor except of course id be saying
ive already seen your dress ( no surprise to see it again) i know who your bridesmaids were ( now just 5 years older) i took part in the photos ( smile ...again) i ate your food (n gave me gas) i heard the speeches ( they will all be the same with no cheer for " my wife" ) i met your guests ( boring ) i bought from you gift list ( what else do you need you cant get for yourself )
just what will be new for me ?
and as for sending a gift .. would by a gift for their 6 anniversary or did you buy for their 4th ..... no ? so why would you buy for their 5th ?
also (and coulb be barking up the wrong tree, no nothing of the couple obviously) does any one else get the kind of...'our relationship is failing, let's have a baby, that will solve evrything' kind of vibe. dunno, seems like they have something to prove?
CommentAuthorCatherineR
Pfft, a vow renewal 5 years after the 'pull out all the stops' wedding? Please! That just shouts 'bored and missing the planning!'.. Weddings aren't about this, it's about love and eternal vows! Can't you tell her to plan a baby instead?? xx
Married my wife on 15.08.15
Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)
