H2b really wants his own baby..... He loves my son to pieces calls him son... He calls him dad occasionally... He spoils him... Plays with him treats him like his own etc......
Me I don't want anymore.... After 14 miscarriages in the past and some at 22 weeks I over the yrs have just said nah have no desire for any more and now my son is 10 it's just seems like a step back plus I dread to think how another miscarriage would make me feel ( yes I have seen a specialist and I have a funny shaped womb if a baby implants in the wrong side it will never reach past 22 weeks)
H2b really wants one... But understands at what I have been through and said he agrees no..... I now find out that he only said ok to non as a way to keep the peace and to stop arguments....he has since told me that he really does want his own family and wants to be a dad from the start...i asked if we dont would he hold me against it or find someone else he has said no... But for reasons I am not posting on here I know that all he has wanted is his own and that was taken away from him years ago and had no say in the matter( before I met him)
My worry is is in 5 years down the line my son will be 15 and will be near an adult and my h2b won't have had many years of bringing a kid up and I really feel like he will hate me even thou he won't say.... I have asked him and he just says no princess course not... Everything I do is for you and Dylan to make you happy....
What would you lady's do.... Would you try for one (baring in mind were both over 30 and fertility drops after 30)
Would you try straight after the wedding
"better a witty fool, than a foolish wit" shakespeare
CommentAuthorCroc
Or would you stick with what you want and hope for the best
Sorry my I pad wouldn't let me edit it
"better a witty fool, than a foolish wit" shakespeare
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
hmmmmmmmmmmmm cudnt u hav ivf and get the 'egge ' etc put in rite side of the womb maybe??
and its ure choice as u have been through alot so sorry x
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthor~*~ Becca ~*~
its a tough one hun!! and sorry to hear you've been through so many tough and sad times :(
i think personally i would agree to try but only for a certain time limit i.e. 6 months or 12 months!!!! If it doesn't happen within that time frame, then i wouldnt' carry on...if it happened great !!! but thats just how i would do it cause i couldnt say no without at least trying to give him a shot of being a biologial father!!! and afer the time limit he would see its just not going to happen and at least you were willing to try!!
but you obviously need to have a sit down and think about pros and cons of the situation before you decided on definate what you want to do x
17.09.2010 ---I am officially Mrs Rebecca Mollins
Twilight - its' like my own personal brand of Heroin...
Edward Cullen - The Hottest Vampire since 1901 !!
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CommentAuthorSpecialSundae
I don't think he'll hate you for it and I don't think it's worth risking your health if you don't actually want another child, but if you do want another child, and the doctors are aware of previous issues, would they be willing to work more closely with you from day one to try to keep you as healthy as possible?
You're not denying him a child for no reason. Having that many miscarriages must have been heart-breaking.
I feel selfish saying no we can't try.... When we first talked about kids he was so excited etc then when reality set in for me a wall went up and I said no..... Finding out my sons dad is expecting again has really changed h2b he seems really down since....
Ivf I dunno a lot of money for uncertainty if it will work a lot of invasive treatments to which I don't know I'd be strong enough to do with heart break if I never happened
Adoption I couldn't do ... I don't think I could ever love another persons child as much as my own ... I know that sounds bad but least I'm honest and surracy is a no no as h2b couldn't see someone else carry our child which is far enough
Becca you have a good point there maybe having a time scale and seeing what happens is an option or if I end up having another miscarriage not pressing it after that then at least I have tried....
I just hate the fact I might not be strong enough to give him the one thing he wants more than anything.... He's even picked a girls name... Bella! Maybe this is why I'm having wedding jitters xx
"better a witty fool, than a foolish wit" shakespeare
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
wont u get it on nhs wiv ure history?
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorSpecialSundae
Is surrogacy an option? It's a lot more difficult in this country but you would still have a child with your own genetic material without the serious health risks for you.
CommentAuthorlinzi
I didnt really want kids at all until about a year ago. But H2B REALLY does so I decided that yes i would try to have kids, for him. But as soon as i actually made the decision, I actually really started to want them! its weird.
I think I have never been keen cause I dont know if i can have kids cause of my PCOS, so put up that "I dont want kids" brick wall to protect myself. But now I am gonna do everything to have one... or 2!
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully!!
Started Slimming World - 23/03/2011 - 2 Stone to lose!
Total Loss = 1 stone 7 lbs.
As at 23/11 - 3 days before the wedding.
CommentAuthorlinzi
oh and I just turned 34....
I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully!!
Started Slimming World - 23/03/2011 - 2 Stone to lose!
Total Loss = 1 stone 7 lbs.
As at 23/11 - 3 days before the wedding.
CommentAuthorCroc
Nah ivf has to be funded by us.... I was told this years ago with an ex partner because I already have a child I have been pregnant 15 times and have been told I will have an 80% chance of miscarriage ... This is why me and an ex ended as he wanted a baby I couldn't give him and he now has a 4 yr old child of his own... It's a postcode lottery and unfortunately I ain't eligible!
Surracy h2b couldn't cope with he's said another woman carrying our baby would heart break him.... He's already said if we do try he'd wrap me up in cotton wool and wouldn't let me out of his sight because he'd want to be there every step every movement every throwing up session because he had that ripped away from him in the past ... So I totally understand
"better a witty fool, than a foolish wit" shakespeare
CommentAuthorsuzky123
i dont think he will hold it against you. He knows the situation BEFORE marrying you and so that in itself tells me you come first and he is just happy to have you and your son in his life. I dont think he will find someone else and I dont think he will want you to jeapartise your health. I would say go to the doctor together after the honeymoon and together talk through your options and THE HEALTH RISKS and financial implications. See where that leaves you x
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
CommentAuthorCroc
Perhaps I may broach the subject tonight over dinner while were out ....it's not that I don't want to try I just don't know if I am strong enough ton loose another as even at a 20 weeks scan I can't announce I'm pregnant until I'm over the 22/23 week Mark.... It's even heart breaking reading on here when other ladies have miscarried as I feel so strongly for them yet I can't comment as it brings up too many painfull memories....
"better a witty fool, than a foolish wit" shakespeare
CommentAuthorAtaraxia
I think the trying with a time limit is a good idea... you don't say outright that you don't actually WANT another baby but the health risks and emotional trauma are what concerns you most. If it doesn't work, both you and h2b will know that you gave it the best shot you could!
I would see if you can sort something out with the doctors, as you say they know what the problems are and with medical knowledge on your side it might be easier now than it has been in the past.
All the best for whatever you decide, you already have a child and it's obvious h2b loves you both! xx
Got married 27th June and blessed on July 5th 2012
Finally Mrs M :3
Love, love... Here we are.
CommentAuthorbarbie86
Could you perhaps speak to a specialist? I don't know the ins and outs, but things have advanced and perhaps they might be able to reduce the risks of miscarriage?
Otherwise, I think you should either stick with what you said originally, and not TTC; or, agree that you will try once, and if it ends in miscarriage that will be it. I think the problem you might face with agreeing to try is that it might be easier said than done to draw a line; would you definitely say enough is enough, or would your maternal instinct take over and make you want to try again to try to 'replace' the baby you've lost?
This is very different, but I have endo, and will almost definitely need surgery before TTC. I have told my OH that I'm not prepared to undergo IVF and that if I can't conceive naturally, we won't be having children; he has accepted this and I won't back down on it as I'm not prepared to put us through that heartache. It is an incredibly difficult decision to make, but only you can really make it, and I honestly don't know what I'd do in your situation, though TBH I think I'd stick with what I said originally...
Good luck whatever you decide x
CommentAuthorHonest John!
Not sure where to start, my fiend Paula and his wife have spent over 30K on IVF and other treatments and she has had 4 misscariages, and every time seems to get more downa and depressed. It is a hard decision to make, i knw Jill has talked about ahving a baby, for the last 3 years, but we know taht she is not well enough, so we accept that situation, best of luck, i knwo you wpnt rush into anything, or be pressurised into anything.
CommentAuthorvicz2000
Well...... sweetie this is going sounds really really weird but cant you just have fun trying and if its meant to be it will happen if its not at least you will be a size 0 from all the exercise?????
xx
CommentAuthorbarbie86
vicz: I might have misunderstood, but I don't think it's issues conceiving that is putting the OP off, but rather the fact she's had so many MCs inc late ones and so could really be risking both her mental and physical health by getting pregnant.
CommentAuthorTotallyLovedUp
aww huni i am so sorry for the heartache this is causing you and for everything you have been through. IVF is expensive but they can work miracles. my mum has had it and she now has my 2 sisters, now 11 and 6. She has an uneven endometruim (womb lining) and was given drugs to get it thinned out etc because she kept losing babies because of it. It may be something like that which is relatively simple to treat. IVF isnt just a postcode lottery huni, you cant have it free if you already have a child which is rediculous! have a good long think and a real good talk with your H2B. like becca said, maybe try for a year and see if it happens for you? lots of love and luck huni xxx
CommentAuthorCroc
My problem isn't getting pregnant (that's very easy and have a coil to stop all me getting pregnant) my problem is I have almost 2 wombs... It's like a heart shape... One side is too small and can only accommodate a feotus till 21 /22 weeks at the very max and the other side is big enough although doesnt have a very dense lining for implantation although my son was born at 7 and a half months and he came on his own accord On this side but the side effects were awful for the length of the pregnancy ....
Well had dinner spke to h2b and we have decided to after the honeymoon is over to take out coil and try but not try if that makes sense she what the next year holds.... If it's meant to be then happy days and if we dont or loose one then meant to be and h2b has said if it does result in the worst then at least we have tried and that will be the end of it ... I did point out that if it result in worst case then I would either go 2 ways push him away or be the most neediest person ever .. And told him that no one could no till after 23 weeks till I was sure .... He fully agreed and said this was fine and that he loved me and was so touched I would consider trying even knowing it could result in heart ache....
We spoke about IVF and he said no.... He is happy with us just trying... And seeing what happens... I think it's the fact I am willing to try means more than anything to him....
Vicz2000 ... It's not the fact that I can't get pregnant it's the thought of miscarriage so close to having a viable baby that is the killer as it is the same process that you have to go through as you would if it was a still birth.... Although being a size zero would mean h2b would have to take me shopping.... Although with wedding stress he's already calling me the next Kate anorexic middleton!!
Honest John... That's the thing we have said why spend 30k plus on something that might never happen and for all the heart break and depression it won't get us anywhere....if it was a guaranteed answer then yes... But truth is is one side is perfect environment but too small and the other is worst environment but the right size .... So it why throw money at something that won't guarantee results.... If however some miracle happens tell Jill she can be designated babysitter and I'll drive the 3 hrs every weekend when I need to rave lmao
All the specialists do is monitor and tell me what to eat no exercise no **** and no anything really it's so invasive... At about 8 weeks they know what side I am carrying and can tell me yes or no... If it is the wrong side I am offered abortion but I have never been able to do that in hope that they may have it wrong plus that carries it's own risks ... I dunno just a horrible situation and after 14 you just kinda get used to it and have no emotion ....
So for now we are getting married... Going to the doctors talking about it with all the medical team and giving it 6 mths to a yr and what ever happens happens but we will only try once... H2b is happy with that as I think he is shocked I am even co sodering his feelings as he had a tear when I said everything....
I think the wedding jitters have gone too now ... So watch this space maybe or maybe not in the next yr I will be posting about the putter patter of expected feet but if not then it's not the end if the world and we will be ok .... Thanks for your advice and kind words xx
"better a witty fool, than a foolish wit" shakespeare
