Your profile is restricted so I can't see when you're planning on getting married. Have you been engaged long? It may be that you need to take some time together just to enjoy being engaged, before thinking about marriage. My H2B proposed in October 2012, but because of a major Nativity project at Christmas that we were both busy with we didn't have time to start planning until January. That gave us time to settle down a bit. You need to have a good chat with your fiance, and be honest. Say it's scaring you, but make it clear that it's the wedding not the marriage that you are worried about. He loved you enough to propose, so he will want you to be honest. You also need to arrange some dates that don't involve wedding talk.

How old are you both? If you are young it may be that you need some time to set yourselves up properly before getting married. It sounds like you don't have a huge amount of money between you, especially if you're going to be living with his parents after getting married. That really isn't a helpful start to marriage. It might be better to give yourselves a couple of years to work and save up, partly to give yourselves a better budget to give you the wedding you really want, and partly to give you the money to have your own place, even if it's rented.

You may just be feeling a bit of an anticlimax. We all get so excited about being proposed to, but it's done in seconds, and then it's ages before the marriage itself. Or maybe you need to get a new perspective. Amazing wedding doesn't mean big or expensive. I went to a beautiful one recently, where neither couple had much family, and the groom was from Gaza and didn't know many people here. He had a best man, and she had a couple from the church taking the roles that the brides parents would normally take. She had about eight collegues there, and the rest of the congregation was church, many of whom were in the choir. The reception was a buffet held at the back of the church, and church members had decorated and laid the tables. It was small but so special and beautiful, and was every bit as amazing as ones with bigger budgets that I have been to.

As for producing an amazing wedding on a shoestring budget, there are plenty of brides on here that are doing it. There's various threads on DIY and budget weddings. A lot of ladies are doing their own stationary, favours, cakes, decorations, flowers and all sorts of other things. Buying dresses online can save you money as well, but be careful about quality.

Four words.
DON'T. TELL. THE. BRIDE.

Thankyou girls.

i agree, id love to just enjoy beeing engaged and take it slow. I didnt want him to propose so that we could get married straight away i just wanted to know that he was man enough to make that step and let me know that we wernt just in a stagnant relationship.

Problem is, weve set a date. deposits down - 16th May. and he wants to get everything else booked and organsied as quickly as possible. oh joy.
Im not fussed about having a big wedding - I dont even want a wedding, all you hav to do is sign a form and ur done. the wedding is just additional. He's the one that wants a wedding. I want to give him what he wants but I just feel totaly repelled by the thought of lots of people and dresses and cakes and favours and drinks and bllaaa... Out of the 150 we hav on our guest list, the ones iv invited are my mum, my dad and an old family friend. 2 of my bridesmaids are his mates and the other two are my house mate and an old mate - who he's already expressed what he thinks of...
Hence I just give up I let him do it all.

The living with the parents scares me bcos I already live on my own, have done since i was 15 and im completly independant.
Currently I live in a big house thats by the river I have my two cats, my job is close by - everything infact is on my door step and I love it. but come may I have buddy up with him into a one room studio apartment at the end of his parents back garden, I have to get a drivers liscence bcos nothing is near by, I wnt b able to keep my cats, i'll have to get another job unless I drive to work which defeats the point of moving to his to save cash. But i feel like i have to do it because thats what we agreed and hes already gone n prepared it all.. (with out me)

I just dont get it we had talked about all of this before he proposed, we had a plan we discussed it we agreed what we'de do and we where realy looking forward to it being a reality. but the reality is totally not what we expected it to be. now it's a reality its all falling apart.
He still thinks its great and i try to approach him about my concerns but I dont want to keep putting a downer on it for him. I feel like such a bitch.
I love him, im marryin him because all hes ever done is look out for me and help me and support me and love me, and I want to reciprocate that in our wedding plans but it is sooo difficult. Am i just being realy selfish?

Thankyou for your help. My parents hate that im getting married, my maids arent the ones to talk to about it and then iv no where else to go but over and over in my own thoughts.

It really does sound to me that you shouldn't be doing this yet. Why can't he move in to your house? Yes you've paid a deposit but it's better to lose that amount of money than to get drawn into a way of life that you don't want.

If I'm totally honest, what you're saying is really worrying me, as it sounds like he is taking control of your life. It may seem innocent, but men who take control can become unpleasant. My best friend fell for a man who became very possessive, pushed her into moving in before she was ready (she wanted to marry first but he refused to set a date, even after proposing), and eventually became violent if she didn't do what he wanted. I could be reading too much into this having seen my friend's experience, but I really do feel that he is going to do things his way, and you will be expected to toe the line. There may be a good reason that your parents don't want you to get married. It may be worth talking it through with them; they may see things that you don't. How about going to visit them for a few days or a week, so you can spend time talking it through without your H2B there?

Please please please don't get pushed into this if it's not what you want. The longer you leave it the harder it will be to change things.

This post really worries me too.. You sound like a puppet in his game of life ? As someone else said, why can't he move in with you ?? I don't think you should give up a home you have obviously worked hard for.. Or your pets.. Nobody should be made to get rid of pets....
I think you should seriously consider losing that deposit rather than losing your entire life... Because that's what it sounds like you're doing..

I hope things work out for you, I really do.. He does sound like an extremely controlling man though and I have to say men like that worry me xxx

Do you really want to do this?
When I first started reading I thought that you'd rather elope or have a private wedding. However the more I read the more I started to question your desire to get married.
I hope you can find someone to talk to about this

oh you poor thing, what an awful position to be in, i really feel for you.

I think the other ladies have summed it up pretty well - you need to really think about whether going through this is the right thing for you to do. Don't worry about anybody else - what do you in your heart want to do? If you would be happy staying in your house, with your animals and staying at your current job then you need to do that. Otherwise there is a very good possibility that if you give all of that up and get married you may resent your husband which will not do anything for your relationship.

Be brave xx

Hey, I re read this post and I too have concerns. I was desperate to get engaged, I knew when I met my H2B just being briefed by him (he was my project officer on a work familiarization) that he was going to be special... and when we got together, I enjoyed being with him but after a few years and putting up with, or rather getting over and forgiving, a sort of indiscretion very early on (cyber stuff-yeech!) I was like, "Hell, I love this man, but when is he going to pop the damn question so we can get on with our lives together forever and make a few things easier and just show each other on paper we love each other so much too!?"

Then when it happened it was very exciting but planning was very stressful and I chinned off a lot of stuff for a bit and let him crack on. Mostly because I was overwhelmed by it and I just wanted married life to begin. For a while, work was stressful too and we were a little distant intimately and just we cracked on with life. But things improved as some of the stress was relieved from work and some of the major stuff like the church and reception venue were booked. I lost interest in that stuff because I just wanted to get married and to be honest, those things weren't really of interest to me because they could have been very plain and I'd have been happy... just to be marrying him.

As the wedding draws closer, I'm getting more in to it and taking the lead more. Delegated some jobs out but have control again and getting more excited and into the detail and grandeur of the day, But I'm glad we didn't push the wedding back or forward any more. 20 months is just right at the moment for the engagement I think!

Perhaps you need to ask him for a week or two where you don't talk wedding and just do your thing as a couple. No W word rule. Also, are there other things going on affecting you and your relationship? Maybe take a step back and a breather.