ive been having a talk with h2b about his sister. i decided to have her as a bm so she felt like part of the wedding.
ive done all the planning and tbh the only nerves i have is with his sister, i feel panicy and sick sometimes just thinking on it. h2b sister has behavioural and learning difficulties and i though that if she was part of the day she would maybe behave, but its just now shes acting up. previous weddings weve been to shes swore very loudly and screamed during the vows simply cos all eyes were on the bride and groom. she has also now started to cut her face and her legs are a terrible mess with dry shaving its going to take a lot of treatment and creams to try and take it away.
h2b says he would speak to her as he seems to have a calming influence. not a lot of folk in my family know about her disabilities and im hoping she isnt going to be too bad but it seems my nerves kick in when i really think about it. im thinking maybe i could get her to do things but also what do i do to keep her amused during the vows, i cant send her out the room after walking down the aisle and miss her brothers wedding......
i am her part time carer but all we do together is swimming shopping etc. weve just been for her to try on the dress and get measured and she was fine.
dunno what to to.
All the ways of my life id rather be with you.
Theres no way without you.
10.11.12
CommentAuthorRachie :D
Your h2b needs to be strong and talk to her - if she truly loves you and her brother surely she understands how much it means to you and needs to curb her behavior. She knows what is right and wrong and can control herself.
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorjo Santa
Make her feel really important on the day. Make sure she is visible, make sure people who are in the know deliberately make a fuss of her and take photo's of her etc. Perhaps even allow her to stand slightly to one side holding your bouquet during the vows- you can think of many ways to make her a semi focal point, enough that she feels important, but so that other guests can concentrate on you xxx It'll be ok with some planning ahead xx
And you know what? You perhaps need to consider having a very relaxed attitude about it on the day - if she acts up, why shouldn't you or your h2b simply pause the proceedings,take her hand and introduce her to everyone, for example. If it's during the reception, let her give a little speech or have someone dance the first dance with her soon after you start. You all know her - you will be able to read why she is acting up, if she does. Simply take it in the stride of the whole day and ignore anyone who is ignorant enough to tut or roll their eyes. Warn the registrar or vicar that it is a possibility so they know what's going on. If you don't let it upset or bother you, you guests will take it in their stride too. That way it stays your day, your way xx
Jo Santa
CommentAuthorkrisw86
seems jo has said it all. my bil2b has autism. if he doesnt have things the way they were originally planned for the day he will act up, screaming and throwing things. i've grown up seeing how autistic people behave (my mother worked in a school for autistic children), and it seems that this can be a normal thing. as jo has said, make her feel like she is part of the day and not pushed aside. if she's able to (and maybe with someone to help her) give her a reading in the service. it will make her feel really excited, but do it on the conditions that she behaves. ur h2b will be able to explain this to her. its something that usually works. hope it all gets sorted, and try not to let it upset u too much as it is something that she is not in total control of hun xxx
CommentAuthorFutureMrsPite
yes i agree with jo, if she feels important on the day then she should be fine, as she said give her a job like holding ur flowers and maybe read a poem etc. i would also tell ur family about his sister aswell so they would know what 2 expect. i wouldnt worry too much about how she looks as ppl wont be worried about that and will just want to see u mostly! but def take it all in ur stride and dont make a big deal of things, its like if babies cry or something and ppl get moody about that! come on everybodys human, these things happen, just wait for it 2 pass and carry on! good luck x
As the beatles say, Love Is All You Need x
CommentAuthorShirleygirly
Let's be realistic here, if she has a genuine disability then her behaviour will be unpredictable and you just have to take it in your stride. I know it's your big day and you want it to be perfect but the most important thing is that your sil2b feels a part of her brothers day and if she is then it will be perfect. Jo Santa has made some really good suggestions and you need to give everyone a heads up about her disabilities so that if you do have to take a pause in proceedings then there will be more understanding. Don't get upset with her if she does have an outburst because it won't be to spite you. If you are worried about keeping her occupied during the vows then arrange something with your CB or someone else from the family. Good luck with it, I know it's a difficult situation but I hope you'll find you were worrying for nothing.
I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
CommentAuthorloustew2012
thanks ladies for all the advice. yes she is she also has the mental age of a 8 year old.
having sat and read what you all said ive been looking through stuff in my planner. she cant read very well so a poem is out but shes going to do the favours with my sister. she has crooked hands so instead of holding my flowers i can get her to hold the candle before we light it and bring it on stage (this is for our loved ones weve lost and going to remember on our day) the venue and minister and photographer will be informed so if it does kick off they know what to do.
maybe i am making a deal out of nothing and feel bad for doing so, but ive waited for this wedding to happen so long i just want it to be perfect!!
thanks again xxx
All the ways of my life id rather be with you.
Theres no way without you.
10.11.12
CommentAuthorMummy Geri
that candle is a lovely idea. might have to use it too ;) x x
bride-to-be Geri
CommentAuthorloustew2012
ha ha ha geri yeah i pinched it off an american bridal site so i cant say it was all my own idea
xxx
All the ways of my life id rather be with you.
Theres no way without you.
10.11.12
