So me and h2b have been together since 2006 when we were 16 and 17. I have never really been accepted by oh's mum. We have had several arguments over the last 6 years or so about loads of things and suddnely changed when we announced we were expecting our first baby (he was born sept 2011) and then changed around me once he was born. We are now expecting our second (due 24th april) and she has suddenly taken a really keen interest in OUR wedding.
Its not just his mum its his nan too. All I have had over the last few days is 'you need to do this', or 'you need to think about that now there isnt much time left'. We have 7 months left and have already discussed and agreed how we want OUR wedding to be and as we are the ones paying for it I dont see why we should have to accept everyone elses views as the best/only choice. It suddenly feels like its no longer our wedding but its more like our family's wedding.
The latest thing is the venue for our reception. We have conflicting critisisms from my mum and his mum about what we should do for our reception and no one is listening to what we want. We have been to visit a few venue choices in the last few weeks as we found out our first choice venue is booked on the date of our wedding. Most of the time we have been secretive about where we are going and why to avoid any comments like 'why are you looking there'. MIL2b made appointment to look around a venue (Labour Club) and decided to come along with us and spent the whole time pointing out the positives and not listening when I had questions to ask. We were forced into making a quick decision last night about the venue and I was asked as I walked through the door after work. This was after a hectic 12 hour shift and my response was yes book it. My problem now is not only am I having doubts about the venue but I am also feeling more like its not our wedding any more. We went down to her house this afternoon as its my SIL2b's 10th birthday and she had a tea party. For the first hour me and MIL2b were inside alone and she just lectured me on what we need for the wedding and what we can save on coz its not so important! She even got her wedding albums out to show me what we should have for the food and how we should decorate the room and what we should do for the cake etc.
I really dont want this to sound like Im a bridezilla but im getting really close to just telling everyone to mind their own and not come to the wedding :/
Rant over, sorry its so long
CommentAuthorbrilly
bless ya hun sounds like your having a time of it at the moment maybe sit down with your mil2b and tell her how your feeling that you appreciate her help but you feel as though the wedding is everyone elses decisions except your own xx
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorTori
Smile politely then do your own thing. She's not taken an interest in you until now so why should you take any notice of what she wants x
CommentAuthorKaili&James
I think it needs to be done but I know its not gonna be accepted well, I dont particularly like conflict and will do anything for an easy life lol Doesnt mean I dont have my limits though and I guess I found it xx
CommentAuthorTori
Just don't tell her the decorations you are having are not her choice as for the venue if you don't want fraud your gonna have to bite the bullet x
Your both right its the only way but I think I will wait and book somewhere else first so she cant try and talk us out of it. If we just do everything we want and tell people its booked end of they cant really moan. Im sure there will be something thats not to her taste, this is a woman whoi didnt eat at our sons christening because she didnt like how I had done the food, but its our wedding at the end of the day and its us paying for it. This is why we havent expected people to help out financially.
Thanks x
CommentAuthorBrideInTraining
Good luck x
CommentAuthorsarah
I agree with those that smile and then do your own thing. Also, don't bring her to anything where you're expected to pay that way it'll be your choice. I'd also try your best to stop telling her as much info. If she doesn't know she can't comment on it.
CommentAuthorKimD7
We have nodded our heads to the things people suggesst then gone off and quitely done our own thing.
This is both your special day. you MIL2B has had her day.
We are keeping quiet about most things...in fact people here know more about our wedding lol
I know my mum is not keen on the colour scheme (what bride wears an ivory and black lace wedding dress with red shoes...??????)
so I am dreading what she thinks of the rock band , easter bunny, the bacon sarnies in the evening, oh and why am i having only one sort of flower coming etc
But hey she will not know until the day and there is very little she can do.
My saying is "No pay, No say!"
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Be polite but stubborn. Every now and again I feel that my MOH forgets who is getting married and comes up with wonderful ideas that don't work for us. I just listen and agree to think about it, and then we do what we want anyway.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
I agree with what people have said, but I would also have a quiet word. It's your wedding and you should have what you want x x
CommentAuthorGillianE
I also agree with everyone, just do what you and your h2b want and try and keep quiet about your plans. Saves alot of stress and worry then. It isn't fair that she is coming along and telling you what to do and not to do,when it sounds like she has not shown any interest before now. Just remember it is your day and no one elses
I love that phrase no pay no say.
xx
CommentAuthorKaili&James
Thanks everyone! :D
Im so glad to hear im not the only person who has experienced this in one way or another. Kim im lovin the 'no pay no say' moto. This is exactly why we wanted to pay for everything ourselves
xx
CommentAuthorKistHall
My friend pointed something out to me the other day when I was contemplating giving in (or at least pretending to) for an easy life. That if I do it now, then when I have kids and they disagree with anything they are going to think its acceptable to raise them they way they see fit even if I don't agree and that it will be too late to start putting my foot down - freaked me out enough to get the OH to help me to put the foot down lol!
CommentAuthorKaili&James
Its very true KistHall it really does happen like that. We already have a little boy and are due our next on 24th April. We lived in Middlesbrough (away at uni) when our little boy was born and got no help or advice oter than from my mum when she came to stay for a week. When we moved back home (to Lincoln) suddenly everyone had an answer to everything that we did or didnt do in raising James the way we want. He is 17 months old now and although he is already an amazing litle boy who teaches me something new everyday, I know he would be a very different little boy had we not had the 'interference'.
If anyhthing this has made me even more eager and determined to put my foot down and say that it is our day and we should have it our way. Cant wait for this next baby to arrive coz we wont be taking any c**p this time.
