So a while back I drew up a list of ladies to invite to my hen do..... my mum wanted to invite her friend but this partic friend does not get on the my mil2b so I said "mum, id rather not ***** come as she and h2bs mum don't get on and im not having mil2b put in an awkward situation" mum: "fair enough that's fine" COOL
Hearing my mum has asked for someone to come on said hen do my moh (sister) asks for her bf mum to come on the hen night and to the wedding, ive met her once and litrally said hi and then went and spent the night with my mates (we were all at sis and bf's leaving the country do) I don't feel I should invite just because someone tells me to (she'd gone beyond asking)

Today: Been making mock-up invites and sent a pic to my sis and she then said again "can ****** come?" I said well no not really as mum and you will feel like you'd have to look after her as she knows no-one and to me if youre invited the hen youre invited the actual wedding.... this we will not do because we've given numbers to our caterer and we need to work around the quote that he has given us - my mum and dad r paying and I don't want to add to their bill! ive told sis no because again we don't know her and she'd need a plus one coz she wont know anyone and that 2 spaces that we then couldn't invite 2 extra friends etc.... she said how hard is it to add someone to a list? im like its not as simple as that!!! she then turned around and "well when I get married, I will not be inviting any of your friends" im like well firstly I wouldn't even ask coz its not my wedding and secondly the thought would never occur to me to ask! and thirdly THEYRE HER MATES TOO! we were all there for her when she had no one.... also I said to her "so would you invite my mil to your hen.....no you wouldn't" (she doesn't like her) omg so fkn annoyed! Shes meant to be my moh and support my decisions and not argue them!!!! I just hope when she comes to get married she will know exactly how hard it is to juggle people, finances and emotions! its so hard.....

ive not replied to any texts messages etc I cant deal with this sh!t so ive spoken to mum and sis had already got to her (as usual) and mum told sis that shes not getting involved with invites to the wedding as that's up to us and no one else... she told sis she'd ask me about the hen and when I said no because id feel awkward about not asking her to the wedding mum was like "well thats fine, its up to you". im feeling backed into a corner and pressurised into doing something I don't want to do....

Can you have someone at a hen do that then doesn't get invited the wedding? it just doesn't seem right!

One of my sisters friends came to my hen do but wasn't invited to the wedding. It wasn't weird at all. Our wedding wasn't very big so we didn't have loads of people and she wasn't bothered at all by not coming, but she came to the hen do so my sister had someone to talk to because otherwise it's just my friends. Similarly, there were friends at hubby's stag do who weren't invited to the wedding. So yes you can invite someone to the hen but not to the wedding. But if you don't want her to be there, it really is your decision x

I agree with Ana, I wouldn't invite anyone who wasn't actually invited to the day or evening do.

my invite list for hen do is probably everyone that is invited to the day. but i told MOH to invite anyone that i have missed off. She said can she invite some people which im cool with - a few are mutual friends that are invited to evening do and 2 of them ive never met before. i dont think people think inviting to hen do is an automatic invite to wedding these days. my H2B's cousins are invited to mine and ive said to them that they can bring a friend if they want as they wont know too many people.

if your worried about them thinking that they are invited to wedding then invite them informally to hen do i.e. by word or mouth or through a friend. if you feel bad about not having them to the wedding cant you just invite them to the evening?

with regards to the sisters bf's mom? you absolutely do not have to invite her - it would be pretty bad of you to say yes to this woman and no to your moms friend.

anyway think yourself lucky...at least your family are asking if they can invite people to your wedding! my mom just invites people! shes actually invited my brothers gf's mom and dad and sister - i dont even know there names!! its stressful but try not to worry xx

I wouldn't invite someone to the hen do that wasn't invited to any part of the wedding, it'd be weird.

Your hen do should be for your friends and close family. I'm extending it to my mum and my MIL2B, plus my twin brother's wife and my younger brother's fiancé, who will be married then, as I will have been at both of their hens and been bridesmaid at both weddings. There is a question mark over H2Bs sister, as she has severe cerebral palsy, to the extent that she cannot walk or talk and has very limited arm movements. She is a bridesmaid and will be as fully involved as possible, but at the hen do she will most likely be stuck watching everything. Other than watching a film there isn't much that could include her. I'm leaving it to my MOH, who is organising the hen do, to discuss with MIL2B about what is best. Sarah is very welcome, but I don't want her having to pay for a taxi (her wheelchair is too big to fit on a train), if she's going to be bored.

I certainly wouldn't be considering asking the mothers of my other SILs, which would be the equivalent to what your sister is asking.

The majority of people I had at my Hen were not invited to the Wedding(day).
They were happy to be there for me and help celebrate.
No one felt awkward or peeved that they were not going to the Wedding.

There were people I invited to the Wedding that I didn't invite to the Hen??(I didn't invite my Mum!!!)

I had my Hen my way!!!

It's up to you!!!

:-)

I would not invite someone to the hen I was not inviting to the wedding but would not mind if someone wanted to come to hen aslong as they understand it does not mean a invite to the day!