sorry girls me again but im getting tired of being upset by my h2b and im not sure whather its me just being sensitive or him being insenitive

as some of you will know my h2b has been married before, but today again he upset me i was talking about our wedding and he had to bring up his old wedding which just brought the conversation to a stand still but its not the first time either

the same day we got engaged he was telling me about his ex's engagement ring and i said there and then i dont want to know its about us now

then we were dicussing church's and then again he brought up his church where he got married grr
but the worst one was i told my mom that we were starting to plan our wedding she of course got all excitied which got me all excitied so came home to h2b all happy and starting saying the colours i wanted for our wedding but before i got much further he turned round and said i dont want that colour i had that for my wedding, i felt like i was punched in the stomach and could of cried but when he seen i was upset he got peed off with me!!!

ive have tried so many times to tell him i dont want to know about his old wedding, but he just cant seem to help it and now im kinda dread bringing things up, but if i try and talk to him he makes me feel like im being silly
please has anyone got any advice because i dont think i can carry on like this is it just me?

thanks girls xx

i can understand where you are coming from. i think you need to sit down with him and say you really dont like hearing about his first marriage and it upsets you too much!

on the other hand i can understand that why he doesnt want the same colours but he could have just as easily said no to that idea!

as you have said you have treid telling him maybe writing a letter as that way you get everything out without him interupting you and then he has time to plan what he is going to say back to you to not upset you again xx

feel for u hun and i dunno what to say cause tryin to talk to them is like bangin u head against a brick wall i know all about that x

so just to try give u a smile............ everytime he mentiones his ex and there wedding give him a kick in the balls :-D IM SURE HE WILL SOON GET THE MSG U DONT WANNA KNOW ABOUT IT ;-) XX

thanks stevie you are right i think he does really need to see that it does upset me might try cuddle upto him later and just explain it xx

stressed that made me lol yeah i do feel like im banging my head, lol but that could work lol xxxx

I agree with stevie dee it's not you, he's being very insensitive. My h2b isn't a jealous person at all, to the extent that he's friends with two of my ex's but I'm sure it'll pees him off if I start telling him details like what I used to order with ex if we happen to be in the same restaurant. He could've atleast jst told you he doesn't like the colour and just bit his tongue about the church. Just talk to him and say maybe he could write a list of what he doesn't want at your wedding (so as not to be similar to the first one) but that's it you don't want to know anymore detail about his first wedding. Personally of that was me, I'd be very childish and give my h2b a dose of his own medicine and start talking about my ex lol. Don't do that though, it won't solve anything, it's just my way of making h2b realise he's in the wrong when he's finding it hard to realise that he is hehehe

we have both been married before and i understand how difficult it is not to mention things from our pasts. Sometimes it just slips out..never consciously to hurt..it's just part of who we are...we all have pasts...xxxx

Oooh love miss sunshine's idea about the jar of money. Then you could spend that to buy something nice for you or pamper session for you. You'll then have the last laugh lol

lil miss sunshine brilliant bloodly hell if it carries on i'd be able to pay for my whole wedding that way lol
hopefully he will come to realise it how it makes me feel xx

lol yh cant use ur own could ya this ones his too so im well away lol

thanks suzky your right ive yet to approach the subject yet with him just hasn't been the right time to bring it up thanks for your input xx

yeah i can see what your saying but he said to me the other day i can have that colour if i wanted it so dont think its down to being the same but on the other hand its a colour ive always wanted so have thought why should i have to go without just because he's been there before, oh i dont know just having a tough time with it all atm and its giving me a big headache xxxx thanks

thanks jo im sure we will, and tbh i dont know what i want anymore i had everything planned out but its all been thrown out the window xxx

yeah your right lol hopefully can only get better xxx

MariaLouise I know exactly how you are feeling.
My H2B has been married before and our planning began much the same as yours.
I found it useful to hear about their wedding as I want nothing to be similar. They had the big white wedding with hundreds of guests, we're getting married in an intimate country hotel ceremony for example.
Once H2B had told me about it I knew what I was dealing with and now it's not brought up by either of us (unlike his auntie!)
If he does goes on about his first wedding being wonderful you've got to remember he's not with her any more - he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
Hope this helps and enjoy the planning.
xx

I think the main thing you have to remember is that their relationship is well in the past and over so you have nothing to fear from it. I nearly got married to my ex as did my h2b so neither of us wanted what we were going to have before but it has never bothered either of us about it being mentioned. Maybe you need to look at why you are finding it so hard to listen to as it really shouldn't be bothering you to this extent. x x