I'm feeling a bit down about the whole wedding thing. I got engaged in June and we have found our ideal venue on the lakes, which is provisionally booked, for 2 weeks, until we get our deposit in.
We are only wanting a small intimate wedding of 25-30 guests and they have a wonderful room which is exactly what we want. Feeling really deflated as my Dad says we should invite the rest of the family (uncles, aunties, cousins, you name it) which is an extra like 40-50 people. Just because they will feel put out of they aren't invited. He is footing the bill...
My thought is, that it’s our wedding, not everyone else's ‘party’. It is what we want… not what we are expected to do. So what if they feel put out. I said they could maybe come to an evening do, however, We're getting married on a Sunday in the Lakes and he said it’s too far to ask people to drive 2 hours to the Lakes for an evening do on a Sunday night.
Yeah… so just feeling a bit peeved about the whole thing and wondered what’s best? This should be a happy time and it’s not feeling that way at the moment. Should I have a small party when we get back… but that is at more expense! Fob them off, of just sod the whole thing and go to Vegas!?!?!
CommentAuthorErinP42
Big hugs! It can be hard to balance everything ou. Question is are you close with these people or would you only be inviting because you had to, also who is paying you or your dad? If your paying and your not overly close to them and have found the place that is perfect then do what you want!
CommentAuthorSarah D
Its your and H2B's day so you do what you want, don't let anyone get involved or ruin your dream, even if they are paying that doesn't entitle them to a say in your day! xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
It's not really fair of your Dad to pressure you to have lots of people. You should be able to do it the way you want. However if he is contributing then you do need to at least listen to him. Maybe you could ask your Dad why he wants them there. If he genuinely wants his wider family to see his daughter get married then maybe there is a compromise, but if he is just worried about their feelings then it really needs to be your call. Perhaps an evening do invitation, with a note explaining that the room can only seat so many people, would help. Maybe there's even a way of setting up a screen so that they can watch it elsewhere. Or maybe you could have a bigger renewal of vows or blessing of some kind after your honeymoon to invite everyone else to.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorJWilde84
edited
Thanks guys,
I am not that close to them, its my dads family and I see them once a year, if that!
He is paying, but I only wanted the people that mean the most to us?.... watch this space!
You should sit him down and tell him that and explain that although he's paying that doesn't give him a say xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorSam G 2b May 2016
I understand how you feel, we have close family of around 35-40 and are just inviting them to the daytime but we do have a much bigger extended family and most of those (like my parent's aunties and uncles who I never see) aren't even getting an evening invite xx
CommentAuthorEmily17
I would just talk to him and say we really want a small wedding, hardly see them and just talk it our properly between the 3 of you.
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorFlossie
I understand completely where you are coming from, we only want people who we are especially close to at our wedding too, but we are inviting those from our wider family and friends to the evening. There are a few people who are family but who we don't want to invite to the day (uncles, aunties, grandparent's neighbours who seem to get invited to every single family event...?!), and we are expecting a few people to put pressure on us to invite them. My mum and dad are picking up the venue bill so it's not as if we can even use the excuse we don't want to pay for people who we don't want there which makes it harder. But you deserve to be able to have your day exactly how you want with no questions asked xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
This really annoys me when others tell you how to have your wedding. At the end of the day, it is your day, it's how you want it end of. Go with what you want, if those that are not attending are worthy of being anything they will understand.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Is there a limit on space in the room? Perhaps you can explain that you really have your heart set on that room, and you can't fit the whole family in. I was reluctant to invite my Dad's brothers as I barely know them, but Mum pointed out that for one thing I couldn't really invite her sister and not Dad's brothers, and for another she was 100% sure that they wouldn't come. She turned out to be right, I think only one of them even replied.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorVelcro
we traveled all the way to wales from manchester just for an evening do! if people want to come they will make the effort.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
I travelled from Dundee to Gosport for an evening reception and made a holiday out of it. I also have a friend and her family coming from Ireland for evening.
Met in Nov 2005
Engaged 13th June 2013
Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
CommentAuthorJWilde84
Thanks so much for your help girls!!!
I have compromised with my Dad and I am having the small wedding we want. He said we can another evening do at the local pub the week after for every man and his dog! and he's happy with that!
Fingers crossed and happy planning! xx
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Great news that you've sorted it. Hopefully everyone can enjoy the celebrations then.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorEmily17
That's a good compromise. get to wear your dress twice too :)
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorFlossie
Sounds like a fair enough compromise, and you get to celebrate twice so that's a bonus!! Glad you've sorted something you're happy with xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorVelcro
great to hear you have sorted it :) xxx
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
this is the reason I refused money from the in laws to help pay for the wedding. I didn't want any well we paid for this so you need to invite this person or you need to hold it etc. Realistically if you are happy to allow your dad to pay for your wedding you have to give him something. COmpromise, tell him you will meet him half way. tell him he can have all or some of his guest but the wedding will be on the sunday. you will have plenty of time to send STDs a year before and people have plenty f time to arrange a day off work. Im having a monday wedding in the city we live and all of our family and friends are 60 miles away. Guess whatthey all love us enough to come and see us get married xx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Glad you've managed to get it sorted out.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorJoanneW588
We were having the same problem. We always wanted a small intimate wedding and we found our perfect venue which can hold 28 for formal dining or up to 40 for informal seating. This sounded perfect to us for just our immediate families, brothers, sisters, nieces + nephews etc. I have a really big family who I hardly ever see and rarely keep in contact with because we're just not close but my mum still wanted them to be invited to some sort of celebration for our wedding because all my cousins have had big weddings with everyone invited. We've discussed it and decided that we should have our perfect small wedding and are then going to have an informal celebration with the rest of the family either in the form of a big bbq at my parents house or in the wee country pub down the road when we get back from our honeymoon. :)
