Are they scared of the commitment? Scared things are going to change be different ? My h2b is scared of getting married i guess its goo he has 3 years to get over it, but what I don't understand is why is he scared? he wont tell me or he just wont tell me over Skype like he does not want to talk about the wedding over Skype He says " You talk to much , you interrupt me you do not let me get a word in edge ways" well i knoe i can speak for England that's beside the point Is it because hes the only one out of his best friends who has a girlfriend a fiancee a long term relationship but that is the same with me but I'm really excited about it and cannot stop going on about my wedding all i can talk about it our wedding in 2016 My soon to be brother in law was shaking like leaf when he was saying his I dos you could proper see him shaking I thought wow calm down breathe everything Ok is getting Married Scary to Men?? Sometimes i wonder is it because we are both young but I'm ready for the commitment I'm ready to be his wife I'm ready to start my life have my children He has no problem with trying fora bay Sept Oct 2013 I don't knoe maybe it's just me and getting me down a bit i want to decide everything with him plan this wedding together and he just never wants to talk about it and it hurts me He says its to early talk to me about this stuff closer to the wedding remind me with these things but not now Will he ever be interested?? :'( I actually said to him on Skype to me It sounds like your never gonna be interested in wedding planning and he got mad sulked and turned off the Skype call and he called me back coz he knoes he has too he has to apologize he was in the wrong and he knows he upset me and made me sulk. hopefully when i go home Friday we can do wedding talk together face to face just like he wants like he said so he has no excuse Now ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
My h2b isn't scared of getting married at all. In fact he was the one who brought it up in our relationship and always said from day one that he would want to get married and settle down. We are young too (21 and 22 atm but will both be 23 when we marry) so I dont think age really matters, if you are ready then you are ready. But men dont see things like we do. Women tend to like to plan and sort everything out whereas most men just go with the flow and see what happens. My h2b isn't interested in doing anything to do with the wedding or talking about it much at the moment, but when it gets to one year he will take more interest as it will seem more 'real' then. You have a long time to go until your wedding and as exciting as it is you dont want it to take over your life for the next 3 and a bit years, and your h2b obviously doesnt want it to take over his either. Maybe just enjoy being engaged for now and put planning on the back burner for a couple of months. Remember that a wedding day is just there to celebrate the actual wedding, it is your and h2b's relationship that is most important so focus on that, not just the wedding day. If you push him to do and discuss things that he doesnt want to then it will push you apart, and I'm pretty sure you dont want that happening xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
Thank you Linzi Jo thank you for your honesty you think I need to give it a rest for a bit your right I do not want to push him away at all and yes We should work on relationship and just enjoy our engagement. I am very excitable and get things stuck in my head easily and all I think about is having a baby June2013 starting our little family together + our Wedding in October 2016. I think my H2B like your H2B he will get interested when we are a year away from our wedding then he will get involved it will seem more real to him then hes thinking ATM we have ages to go so just calm down do a bit at a time not go crazy and try sort everything out now, I guess because I have so much to plan and so much time to do it i i want to get it all sorted know hoe much money I'm spending then get everything pay for everything the its all sorted all we have to do is wait it out till I'm finally walking down the isle to my love of my life I am my H2B 1st Long Term Relationship the 1st girl his mum liked =D My H2B mentioned Babies to me 1st Getting Engaged Married n now he has that stuck in my head =D haha And he is my 1st boyfriend my One n Only Relationship My One n Only Man I don't want to drive him crazy and push him away I will try to calm down with everything wedding cannot guarantee but I will most certainly try =D ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthormym72
I think you'll find that most men aren't scared of getting married - especially if they're the ones that have proposed lol. From experience I've found that younger men tend not to want commitment as much as older ones. I was engaged when I was 19 to someone the same age - and tbh it just wouldn't have worked if we'd have got married. We hadn't experienced life and wanted more from life before settling down - hence splitting up after 5 years (age 21).
I'm now 40 and husband is 34 and we've both been committed from the start. We were together 3 years before he proposed, we took the relationship slowly and didn't move in together for a long time - and when we were planning the wedding, everything was done together. Because of our ages and life experience I think that's why he was more committed than if we'd have met as teenagers, because we've now both done a lot of things in life and got things 'out of our system' so to speak lol.
Your wedding day is important - and if you think your h2b isn't getting involved as much as you'd like, then talk to him. But remember, the wedding day is only that - one day. It's what follows that's important - hopefully the rest of your life.
CommentAuthorTori
For you h2b three years is a long way off, when I first got engaged h2b never wanted wedding talk even now I have to stage my talk as too much can be overwhelming. Imagine him talking about his gave football team non-stop - that is what wedding talk is to men. Don't think they are scared of marriage they just like to dodge the stress of weddings xx
3 years is a long time, and he won't be able to see so far in advance. I have seen it happen before, for now I would just concentrate on saving money and collecting ideas and then nearer the time you can start planning. You are still young I would enjoy life instead of getting sucked into wedding planning for the next three years. I have planned our wedding in 6 months and have had breaks in between that so it can be done in a short space of time. Just enjoy being together for now x x
CommentAuthorVelcro
I dont think all of them are. Mine certainly isn't Im sure hes more excited about the wedding than I am haha. None of his friends who are getting married are giving the impression they are brickingit either. I think it may just be that to him, and most men, 3 years is a lifetime away so won't really see the point in getting excited about it yet.
If he is genuinely bricking himself about it, then you need to find out what actually it is, if its the commitment, then why did he ask you in the first place and not wait til he felt like he was ready? Or is it just as simple as the speeches and generally all the attention being focused on him, not to mention the money and all the planning involved. Its something you need to talk about in person rather than trying to push it over skype.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
You kept saying how "he made you sulk", I don't know if you have simply just used the wrong word there but when someone sulks it means they have not got their own way in an argument and are acting immature about it. I think you just mean you had become upset or he had upset you?
How much do you go on about the wedding? Do you mention it every single time you talk to him? Is it possible to talk about other things? And I don't mean this in a bad way but terms like "my soon to be brother inlaw" make it seem like your wedding is in a few months time rather than a couple of years away and personally I would say "my future brother inlaw". I think by making slight alterations in the way you address things will make you seem more relaxed about it.
Having said all that some guys just love the thought of getting married, my fiancé doesn't say much about the actual wedding but he does say stuff like "I can't wait to call you Mrs for real" etc. But if I brought up our wedding everyday or everytime we spoke to each other he would literally tell me to stop. Its like me if he was to explain the ins and outs of how one of his machines works everyday I would tell him to shut the belt up and talk about something else.
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
Thank you ladies I must admit I mention the Wedding everyday yes I think your right I need to tone it down as I hate when he talks to me about football or his fifa I just want him to shut up, I get your point. It's not commitment issues it's just as you ladies say 3 years is ages away to any man and when it is a year away he will get involved dive straight in. Ill be 36 yeah i became upset I can be very immature and irrational and overreact over silly things its the way I worded it. I am just going to enjoy my engagement and try to mention the wedding as little as possible over the next few years and get serious in 2015 a year away from the Wedding Thank you ladies for your advice comments Its just me over reacting and being irrational <3 X =D
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
By all means get excited about your wedding, I do and so do most brides :-) but I talk to my future sister inlaw about it or someone who is interested in it or I come on here. I mention it to H2B the odd time and he doesn't mind that. A trick of mine is I'll say I want to include something he loves at the wedding like for example last week I said "I'm thinking you would like to have pork pies at our wedding?" And he was like "Oh yes please!!!" And that started off last weeks wedding conversation. Yesterday he said "An old workmate just got in touch with me via Fbook! Omg haven't heard from her in 5 years". Queue me "Why not message her back and ask her to the wedding!" Then later on yesterday I got to talk to him about the wedding again cos he said he messaged her and asked her then a full scale wedding chat occurred lol and I was loving it. This morning she messaged him back all delighted that she said she would love to come. Once again a short chat about the wedding took place before he went to work.
I'm finding not bringing up the wedding every 5 seconds easier than I thought it would be x also when he does show signs now and then that he is interested in it it makes my efforts of taming my own excitement a bit more worthwhile than before. Omg for the first few months I went on about it so much he got proper p'd off and shouted "Jeees I'm just home from work ffs!"
CommentAuthorShirleygirly
I thought my h2b had regrets about the marriage thing this time last year because he seemed so bored everytime I mentioned it. Eventually after a couple of glasses of wine I plucked up the courage to talk to him about it and find out if he still wanted to marry me. It turns out he didn't see the point of "gabbing on about it" (his words) when it was miles away. At that point we had something like 20 months to go and he thought that was ages away. We now have 6 months to go and he's full steam ahead, he asked for my to do list this weekend and sorted 4 of the things on my list. He's now really excited and full steam ahead with the planning and it's me who can't be bothered at the moment. Don't take it to heart hun, men are different creatures to us and they don't future gaze the way we do. Give it a couple of years and you'll see a difference in him.
I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
CommentAuthorVelcro
Haha yeah, like 36 says, its definately best to bring it up with oh you might like this, or i saw this for the wedding and thought of you! I think my h2b is so excited because we are very similar in our tastes and are having a tv/film theme, so hes happy as a pig in poop with that, but i know for a fact if i wanted something along the vintage styles and started talking flowers to him his eyes would just glaze over, it's not that he's not interested in getting married, just lace flowers and tea pots would bore the socks off him xD
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
Thank you I'll be 36 and Sand Velcro so I need to tone down the wedding talk or phrase it like you do Ill be 36 and see if he agrees and it gets him talking and hopefully we can have full blown wedding conversations now and again =D i will tone it down and as you ladies have said he will get more excited when the wedding is closer and be full steam ahead with wedding planning with me =D thank you again ladies for your advice means a lot and I feel much better now I knoe I am over sensitive to things and can get upset easily i just need to take a deep breathe and step back a bit no go on about the wedding all the time and let Christopher bring it up and we have a convo then. I do have my best friend rosemary to go on and o about the wedding with as she is overly excited like me and whats to help me plan it we do the planning and ask Chris now and again what do you think about this do you like it Ohh i think you would like this at the wedding =D ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthorPoppy x
My H2B is not scared in the slightest - it's actually quite unnerving!! I do think I could put him off with wedding talk, and sound rather like a nagging wife already, but I'll deal with that later ;) And he's the broodiest man I've ever come across... Which is where I may hold off a bit..! :/ I'll remember this post when I start to get under his skin and pull back - thanks for the tip! Note to self: *Must not nag*
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
glad my forum post can give you tips before you turn into a "Nag" like me and drive your H2B crazy Like Me =D ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthorAmyP7
We didn't do this as we only really had 6 months to plan a wedding but may have if we had been planning it for longer. My friend is married now but she was planning her wedding for 2 years and obviously she was very excited and kept going on about it and her husband just wasn't interested. In the end they came up with the idea of wedding Wednesday so on Wednesdays they talked about the wedding. Other days they just relaxed and enjoyed each other. Just a thought x x
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
AmyP7 your a genius I Love that idea Wedding Wednesday we have to talk Weddings on Wednesday but It will be hard for me to not talk weddings everyday but I really do need to calm down and not bore my H2B to death with constant Wedding talk Im am deffo going to use the advice you ladies have given me Deffo Wedding Wednesday and I Like I'll be 36 just drop in I think you will like this for our Wedding occasionally. In 2yrstime my H2B will get it Wedding Planning Mode & I will be over the moon =D ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthorAmyP7
Yes i do think the nearer it gets he will get more interested, men cant get excited about things that they cant imagine and things that are so far away can be hard to imagine x x
CommentAuthormillz090
Men talk about what they want too.... If your constantly going on about the wedding then he will get bored and turn off. So we have a wedding weekend once a month when we get something else booked up but the rest of the time is 'us' time as we enjoy spending time together and did need the wedding to occupy us. I defiintly suggest you tone it down and limit wedding talk but he will get more keen nearer the time.
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
Thank you AmyP7 & Millz090 I believe you ladies that he will come round in his own time closer to the wedding when he can see everything coming together and we are getting married soon I will deffo tone it down It is a Must Do Have not spoken to the H2B today yet so I will tell him that I will tone down the wedding talk and bring up things occasionally and we should either have a wedding Talk Wednesday or Weekend =D ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthorPoppy x
Ahaha, love the idea of Wedding Wednesdays! I feel I may bombard him every week though lol I may start a large scrapbook, and just casually leave it out on the table one day... ;) MrsD2B, I'm sure your OH will be just as enthusiastic when things start coming together :D
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
Thank you Poppy x im sure my H2B will be just as enthusiastic as I am when everthing starts coming together too ad I knoe Wedding Wednesdays Awsome =D ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthorLynD
I agree with all the ladies here - I'm as guilty as the next person in talking about weddings.. and, whereas H2B will talk about it, I'm pretty sure he gets fed up... I think we (ladies) get more excited about the planning and all the other mallarky that goes with it... I mean some blokes find it hard enough to get excited about the birth of their child and that's only 9 months in comparison...
CommentAuthorBarbaraU
I think it#s like every thing in a mans life they think if they show a interest you'll ask them to make a decission and they cant do that as it will involve thinking for themselves a bit and they always end up with headache lol
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
I agree wit you LynD and BarbaraU lool i love your comment if they have to come up with a decision they alwaysZ end up with a headache Love it Lool =D Men are Indeed Strange Creatures I Do Not Think I Will Ever Understand Them =D ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthormrsheavey2b
like some of the girls have said for a man 3 years is a life time away my h2b has always been excited about getting married but when we set a date 2 years ago he was not in to taking about it but as it has got closer he has got more excited and tells me what he would like excetra just give him time he will get excited x
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
Thank you mrsheavey2b I will give him time to get excited he has 3 years and in no time Hopefully he will be just as excited as me =D ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
Lynd you hit the nail on the head there, I'm 6 months pregnant and I found that I had to tone down the baby talk too but after the first scan which was the day when it really started to feel real he started to become more interested in baby talk and he even started to really think about potential names, in fact the day we went to the second scan we found out it was a girl and later that night he decided on the name he wanted for her :-) then three weeks ago he felt her kick for the first time and just last night he felt her kick for the third time and he couldn't stop smiling :-) so yeah in my experience its best not to go on too much about these things too early, and they do become more interested as time passes.
By the way my H2B works in an office and he had to listen to some girl behind him go on and on about her wedding all day long for about a year so the last thing he wanted to talk about was our own wedding, that was another factor as to why he just didnt seem interested :-)
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
Thank you I'll be 36 and all you ladies I need to tone down the Wedding Talk and eventually nearer the time when it starts to feel real that's when he will be interested and help me plan our wedding =D ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthorAmyK
I first got engaged when in my first year at uni, but decided to wait until well after I'd finished my degree until we even started to think about getting married (my choice) as I wanted to focus on getting my degree. Especially as at 18 - 3 years of your life is one sixth of it - it still seemed such a LONG time until I finished, so at 21, 3 years is one 7th of it!! Now at (nearly) 30, 3 years doesn't seem as such a long time.
Its just not a typical man thing to be thinking SO far ahead.
Just you wait - I bet he'll surprise you when you least expect it by saying "I think we should do ________ at our wedding" ;-)
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
Thank you AmyK I agree It is not a typical man thing to think so far ahead it is for a woman so Yep one ay he will surprise me out of the blue and want a full on wedding talk =D ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
