Brides and Grooms to be! I need your help with this question, I'm doing a study on why men are reluctant to plan weddings, what scares them off?
Lastly, what would it take to get them encouraged and interested?
Please leave comments, Thanks !
CommentAuthorMrs T. 2 Be
Sorry can't help you there as H2b is very helpful and proactive.
Started Dating: 25th September 2005
Engaged: 26th September 2012
Getting Married: 25th May 2014
CommentAuthorLauraY27
Same as mrs t, h2b has helped with everything and has given some fantastic ideas and sourced reliable suppliers!
CommentAuthorSusie
My H2B has let me take the direction on our wedding, but in no way in the not being interested way, by no means. He actively engages in conversations about ideas, agrees or disagrees with my ideas and we have discussions about what we both want to see. He has given a fair few ideas of his own too. I think he knows how much it means to me to have a fiance who encourages me, just as much as I encourage him (we both had previous fiance/es from long relationships in our past which were miserable). I think that was all either of us needed, the encouragement to feel confident in providing ideas to eachother without being fobbed off or ignored or even told it was a woman's place to organize. His help has been invaluable.
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
Mine was pretty useless really. I organised our wedding myself. I asked him if he thought things were ok, and the reply I got was whatever. Then if I done something without asking as I thought he would be ok with it, he said why did you not ask me? Gave up! I know he is not the best organiser, he invited people round for a party a couple of weeks after the wedding to which I told him I was having nothing to do with it. It was not a great success!
Mines come to any wedding fairs i ask him to and he dont mind, He will be picking the mens suites and his transport and we both picked our venue and church together. We both picked our cake and photographer at a wedding fair. We will be doing the rings together. I think thats it. I have picked my dress, my transport flowers bridesmaid dresses and everything else from invites to guest book. I wanted to these parts myself as i love planning and he knows how much i like doing it, I show him everything and he tells me what he thinks. I do think that men dont like helping plan sometimes is down to us lol as when we ask them what say flowers they like better out of a or b and they say b but we like a, We are 9 times out of 10 going to have a anyway lol. Also i think where a lot of ladys like to plan 2 to 3 years before like myself, The guys dont get really in to it until a year before so all the little bits are done. I brought my g/book and loads all 2 years before. I do think more men are helping to plan these days still.
CommentAuthorStephanieM71
Mine only ever seems reluctant to talk about the wedding when he is stressing about money. That seems to be the only thing that puts him off as when it is theoretical stuff he is excited but when we have to fit things into budget or pay deposits he is not so great.
He also worries more then me about what people will think of the wedding rather then what we would both like
CommentAuthorJennaP83
Thanks ladies all of your replies have been a great insight!
CommentAuthorMattsBride
my h2b is very much "you're good at this stuff - you do it" and generally just agrees to anything I say which does get frustrating as I would like him to have more of an active role in preparing for our big day.. I guess some men just aren't cut out for that stuff - I'm sure as hell not sorting his suit for him though !! I really don't think there is a lot that could help to motivate him - he's quite lazy when it comes to things - perhaps making it all about beer and gaming would make him want to help with the planning? Ha ha x
CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
I think most men (not all) are not interest in the finer details ie centrepieces, favours, jewellery, bridesmaid dresses, etc. My OH would be quite happy with a quick ceremony at the registry office then onto the local pub for drinking & dancing, wearing an old suit lol. He just says he wants to marry me & that we don't need to spend thousands to show how much we love each other, his only regret is that we didn't do this sooner, so that his nan could be there. But he is being very accommodating to all of my ideas & showing lots of interest as he knows how much I want the dream wedding, although seeing the figures is making we swing more to his way of thinking .
CommentAuthorbarbie86
In my case, my OH cared the same as me about all the big things (venue; food; his suit; etc) and slightly less than me about the smaller things (flowers; stationery; etc).
In terms of how helpful he's been, he's got better since I got annoyed with him for not getting me addresses I needed and giving him a list of things we still have left to do to demonstrate how I REALLY do not need extra stress/hassle. He still isn't as proactive as I would like, but, this is not isolated to the wedding: anything that involves being organised (planning parties/dinner parties; getting cards or gifts for HIS friends and family :-s) is usually left to me :-/
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
We choose something we both love to base it around aka Doctor Who, so hes come up with loads of ideas, but we have both tailed off for now until after xmas, im hoping he will be very helpful once we start booking things x
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorVelcro
Mines got a rocket up his bum recently, and is ruining my colour scheme by suddenly taking an interest lol
He's interested as the theme, like Lana's above is based around something we love. It was exclusively doctor who as well, bit now it's more film and tv with elements of our favourite video games. It will completely reflect us as people and as a couple, but the second I mention dresses/shoes/bouquets his eyes glaze over. It's just a case of finding something that he's interested in as well or including something that you may not be keen on but he loves. It's not like there won't be stuff there that they aren't overly keen on flowers/pinks/hearts etc, so it's onlyx fair the chap gets a say as well as I do think sometimes some women do get carried away with it being THEIR day and everything has to be perfect for them.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorJoanneP60
My h2b is helping with everything, he said the last time was a practice run without any I put but this time is the real thing and wants to help with everything except the dress! Really lucky because if I had to do this on my own I think I would be going crazy x
you make me feel brand new xxx
CommentAuthorAmyK
My OH just says that I'm better at that kind of thing, but he is in charge of sorting the honeymoon, & he does keep asking if there's anything he can do to help (but for help with choices, its 'whatever you want' as the reply). The annoying thing is when I've spent ages making save the dates, so I ask his opinion on the wording of the insert & then suddenly he's got a whole heap of ideas on what they should look like, I.e. totally different style to how I made them, when I made the prototype he liked it & generally wasn't bothered.
CommentAuthorNicolaG1
My OH is a teacher and spends monday-thursday evenings doing work/marking/lesson planning until the early hours of the morning. The wedding planning is what keeps me from complete and utter boredom! He does take an interest and listen when I go on about it, but I dont think hed have the first clue on organising a wedding. I mean i wasnt really sure where to start but I spent months and months just reading so many forums and wedding websites and looking for pictures and reviews on stuff. He knows that it is very important to me that everything is perfect and therefore it is better if I sort everything. Xx
CommentAuthorkatielea100
My OH just isn't interested in this sort of thing I was gobsmacked when he asked me to Marry him lol But he's also tired a lot he works a hell of a lot and it's a very hands on job with a lot of responsibility along with it so when he gets home he wants to relax and not be bombarded with wedding stuff But also Im glad he doesn't want to help it would be a nightmare!!! He even wants me to pick his suit for him lol x
CommentAuthorKatya
My h2b "don't do suits" - Well tough! He can wear his Doc Martins, A suit WITH tie & cufflinks (it can even be a black shirt!) but hes going to be wearing a suit at least until the evening party!
he has not paid any attention to flowers until told him he has to choose the flower he will be wearing for his button hole. I showed him 2 very similar ones, made him choose between them, then made the button holes infront of him so he couldnt change his mind!
He was not allowed to help with my dress, shoes, makeup (doing my own), hair (its getting straightened & left down as its always up), jewelry, hair piece, veil etc.
He was interested in choosing a flavour for the cake, but not style.
My mum designed our invites, she showed us prototypes, I couldnt decide, so i made him choose! He didnt get to decide colour scheme as i know he will only say "black" so our colours are red & black - we each have our favourite colour in the colour scheme.
I got him to tell me he likes the guestbook I chose... I have started making favours (he is completely uninterested about these).
He would be happy with a bbq in his perents garden... but i wouldnt be due to location, loads of grass = mud, lack of accomodation etc. So I am picking a venue that I think he will like (we both have very similar tastes)
The only thing he was really interested in, was the rings! He caused mayhem looking for the ones he wanted, wasnt willing to settle for anything, after looking round.... Cambridge, Northampton, huntingdon, St Ives, Peterborough, Milton Keynes & Lakeside, we finally gave a couple of ring companies a call & he designed our rings!
