Hi, I haven't been around here for a long time (married 2 years now!) but back again to ask for advice regarding a friend. She is just starting wedding planning/budgeting and we were talking yesterday about who will be paying for attendants outfits and accessories. She is American and says that it is normal over there for people in the wedding party to pay for their own outfits, but she is getting married in the UK and I don't think that it is normal over here?
When I got married we had four bridesmaids and four "groomsmen". We only paid for the actual bridesmaid dresses, but we said they could wear whatever accessories/shoes they wanted, and we asked the groomsmen just to wear dark suits which they all owned already. My American friend is expecting that her bridesmaids will have matching shoes, earrings, bags etc that she will pick and they will pay for.
I don't expect that I will be asked to be in the wedding party so it's something I feel I could warn her about gently without it getting confrontational. I just want to check that I am right first!
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
We paid for all bridesmaid and groomsmen apparel, if her bridal party know/are American customs then they should be well informed if not then she may need to compromise and pay half or pay all xxx
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorInDreamland
We paid for all the bridesmaids, groomsmen and flower girl outfits but they wore their own shoes and jewellery etc, buying them if they wanted to. We also paid for hair and makeup for the bridesmaids.
I can understand if brides are strapped for cash but if they expect their bridal party to pay for their own outfits they have to be prepared to have no say in the colour or style. It's unfair to have control over what they wear but expect them to foot the bill.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorShowgirl
We're paying for the bridesmaid's and groomsmen's outfits. I've told the BMs that they can just wear their own shoes because they won't be seen. When I've been a BM I have always offered to pay for my outfit but have always had the offer declined. If someone picked out an outfit for me and then sent me off to pay for it I would be on here straight away for a "cheek of it all" rant. If the budget is tight and the bride has politely asked if I might be able to 'contribute' then I'd be totally fine with it, but to just expect me to pay would make me very uncomfortable... especially if the bride may be expecting me to pay for something out of my price range since she doesn't have to worry about the cost.
CommentAuthorInDreamland
I say have as many bridesmaids as you can realistically afford.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
I have been a bridesmaid twice and expected that the bride would pay for everything, but I wouldn't have minded being asked to contribute, as long as it wasn't too much. It depends on whether your bridesmaids can afford it, you don't want to bankrupt someone by asking them to buy a dress that they wouldn't normally splash out on. I'm probably going to let bridesmaids wear their own shoes, assuming the dresses go down to the floor, and I'm suggesting silver crosses on necklaces, which I expect some of them at least will already have. If they haven't I'll buy one for them. Both weddings that I've been bridesmaid for I've been given a matching bag and pashmina, which the bride paid for but which were considered our gift. Same for jewellery.
I'll be paying for anything that needs to be bought. The tradition is that the bride pays, but people don't make that assumption anymore.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorbarbie86
In the UK it is customary for the bride and groom to pay for bridal party attire, including hair and make-up if they want a specific look, likewise shoes and accessories.
The only way it is usually considered acceptable to ask the bridal party to 'pay' is by asking them to wear something they already own eg the bridesmaids might be asked to wear a black dress, which most people have. In our case, we're doing a bit of both: we've paid for the bridesmaids dresses and flowers, but they're wearing their own shoes as I don't care about them matching, and they're doing their own hair and make-up for the same reason (well that and 3 out of 4 hate other people doing their hair and make-up, they like to do their own). I'm also getting them individual gifts (jewellery) that they can wear on the day if they want. Then with the groomsmen we've gone with a mis-matched look; all except one own a grey suit, and the one who doesn't was going to buy one anyway (he has our wedding to attend plus 2 next year). So, we've asked them just to wear their grey suits and a white shirt, and we're providing the ties and button-holes.
If your friend is getting married in the UK and her bridesmaids are from the UK, she needs to follow UK customs and etiquette. In the States it isn't unusual for bridesmaids to be asked to pay well over £100 each on a dress; sometimes it can be as much as £200. Now if that's the custom there, fair enough; but it isn't the custom here. So, I would definitely speak to her if her BMs are British; if she asks them to pay she risks causing offence, and they may well see her as rude, demanding, and tacky for asking; which could prove embarrassing for her.
CommentAuthorJennK
My mum has offered to pay for bridesmaids dresses, provided they are not too bridesmaidy and could be worn again, which is certainly fine by me!
Our perfect day - 08.08.15
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
I know its normal in the UK, for the bride to pay for bridesmaids but all my girls and all Oh's boys have said they will pay for there own outfits as they know we are on a budget. But im paying for my girls hair/flowers and jewelry
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorVickiD69
I bought my sisters MOH dress because she said if she had to pay she will just turn up in w.e is in her wardrobe!I wasn't having that as she is the only adult bridesmaid. She picked it however and luckily was only £25! :) (she is very fussy) my mum is making my two nieces there flower girls dresses so no expense for me. For the groomsmen, they decided they are all going shopping together to get the same suit in grey, but as it is the same price to hire it they thought I will buy one then can wear it any time! I am buying the flowers for them but that is it, if they want hair and make-up done they can do it or pay for themselves.
CommentAuthorcasbride87
We are paying for the bridesmaids dresses, shoes, hair slides (which i have made) bags, jewellery, hair. Just trying to decide whether to pay for their makeup because it is pricey and like most people we are on a budget aswell.
Groomsmen just wearing a black suit and i have bought the black bow ties to go with them.
x
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
We have paid for the bridesmaids and flower girls dresses, shoes, accessories and hair and will be paying for the full suits, waistcoats and cravats for the men but are asking them to wear their own black shoes or to buy a pair :) xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorJoD96
We are paying for bridesmaid dress, hair, shoes etc and suits for the groomsmen
CommentAuthorRachelW22
We are paying for our bridesmaids jewellery, hair accesories, flowers and their hair & makeup but they are paying for their own dresses & shoes and we are having 5 bridesmaids and 3 flowergirls.
CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
My partner and I are paying for our entire wedding ourselves. I'm buying the ladies their dresses etc.
Met in Nov 2005
Engaged 13th June 2013
Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
CommentAuthorAmyK
We've bought suits for all the best men etc, they wear their own shoes, but the suit is also their thank you gift. We're buying dresses, shoes, handbags, jewellery, hair accessories, boleros for our bridesmaids/flower girls as we've picked them, but those are also their thank you gifts too.
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
I've paid for dresses but not accessories/ shoes etc... I think her bridesmaids may think she's bridezilla if she starts demanding they buy everything she picks as it's not the norm here and everyone has differences on what they can afford too...if I'd been asked to be bridesmaid I can't say I'd be happy x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
edited
We were running out of money so we asked the adults if they would mind paying for their outfits. None of them were concerned about doing so, we paid for the kids though, I got jewllery for all the girls and my MOH got her own shoes and paid for her own hair.
I personally do not think it matters as long as the party are happy to do so.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorthefuture:Mrs_Hurren
My bridesmaids know they av 75-100 pound each to spend. If they go a penny over they have to cover the extra costs as I have a very tight budget. For that I want matching dresses and shoees but I told them that upfront and have been fine with it. X
CommentAuthorPrincessjebbie
My bridesmaid paid for everything themselves...But I did let them pick and they aren't matching. I wanted them to have whatever made them feel beautiful, and hopefully something they could wear again.
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
We paid for everything except the trials and suit hire, all the party offered to pay so we jumped at the chance. Bm's were given a budget and anything over it they paid for. It was £90 each and in total it came to £90 for both outfits so we used the rest to pay for there hair n make up. I think it's acceptable to ask them to contribute these days but mostly it's the norm to pay for it
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
My Dad has offered to pay for my half sister's bridesmaid dress and my sister has offered to pay for my niece's flowergirl dress. They've done this because we're on quite a tight budget and hopefully the dresses won't cost a fortune! H2B has decided he's paying for all the suits.
CommentAuthorTattieSoup
Thanks everyone for replies, I will have a quiet word with my friend. I don't think it will be a problem for her to pay for attendants, it is just making her aware that it might be an issue and that she needs to factor it into the budget! :)
