I've just asked one of my close friends to be my maid of honour, but not sure who should pay for her dress, accessories and hair/make-up. I feel really rude to ask her to pay but not sure if I can afford to pay for it aswell as everything else, so not sure how to bring the subject up and whether I have a right to ask her to pay seeing as I've just asked her to be maid of honour :/ help please xx
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
edited
In uk is generally Bride that pays for all that. Although I asked my girls when I asked them to be BMS of they would mine paying for their dresses. My mum paid for my bm dress for my cousins wedding, and now my cousin is passing for her daughters dress for my wedding and the others girls were more than happy to pay for them along as they were not rediculusly expensive.
I'm paying for hair/accessories and shoes. But make up they are paying for if they want it which 2 of the 3 have.
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorMyranny
I have assumed that I will pay for anything I ask my bridesmaids to do so if I want them to wear a specific dress, I should buy it. If she is allowed to wear what she wants (within reason) then I think it would be fair to say she should Buy it. Depending on who you get to do got hair/makeup, they could be as little as £15 for hair and same for makeup for a bridesmaid so you could add one or both depending on your budget as a token thank you for getting her own dress, shoes wtc. If you want her to dress a certain way though I do think it's a bit cheeky to ask her to pay and then you could say something like "As you'll be keeping the dress, are you willing to pay half?"
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
Maybe just say I'm turn with my budget, feel free to say if you can't, but is their a chance you could help pay towards your dress for the wedding. Even if it's only part.
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
The dress colour is navy blue so defo something she can wear again and I am happy for her to choose her own style ( within reason lol) and I said she can choose her dress and she said she'll wear whatever I want her too so not sure if she expecting me to pay for it all?? I don't mind paying for hair and accessories ect but thought if she pays for the dress it will help. So might try and bring it up in conversation and see if she offers : I hate asking people for money or to pay :( might have a chat with my mum see what she says, I know that when growing up my mum paid for my bridesmaid dresses at my aunties weddings. And obviously I'll pay for her bouquet. X
We've paid for all the bridesmaids, flower girls, page boy, best man.
Even though I let them choose the outfits, with my approval. Personally I would never ask them to pay, as it's my wedding, and I asked them... But it seems to becoming more acceptable to ask/expect attendants to pay for/contribute their own.
You need to be straight from the start who is paying, and if they can't afford it, you need to be prepared to pay if this is the person you want.
We are even paying for the best mans flights and hotel as he lives in South africa!
Met 30th May 2005
Proposed in Monte Carlo August 25th 2013
Became Mrs K on 30th May 2015
Married my Gorgeous Greek God
CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
edited
We are the same as Lease in that we are paying for everything for all of the wedding party. Outfits, shoes, flowers, hair, makeup, hotel rooms, etc.
I personally think if you were planning on asking her to pay you should have done so when you asked her to be MOH.
If you can't afford to pay for everything I would personally at least buy the dress (mine cost £35 from eb@y & is as good as any bridal shop dress) & flowers as they are the main things, other items are not so important. If you buy a long dress you cant see the shoes, so no reason why they cant wear some they already own, hair & make up she can either do her own or if you are having yours done professionally say to her the lady charges £££ if you'd like her to do yours.
Leasa that is very generous of you to pay for the best mans flight & accommodation, one of H2B's groomsmen lives in Tenerife (although he didn't when he was asked), I'd love to pay for his & his wife's flights but not sure if we can afford it atm. Luckily they have another family wedding to attend the weekend after ours, so they are going to stay in England for a little holiday.
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
I asked all the men and my adult bridesmaid to pay for their own outfits. They were all fine with it and were not bothered.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorEmmilou82
We are paying for everything ourselves. My personal feeling is we asked them so we should pay. I don't think there is any right or wrong answer to be honest it's whatever your comfortable with.
Marrying 'The One' on 30th July 2016
I am now Mrs Emma Stokoe xx
CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
They may have said its fine & that their not bothered but that doesn't mean they really were!! I would be pretty miffed if I was asked to be MOH but only if I buy everything myself. Weddings are expensive but at then end of the day we chose to get married, they didn't choose to buy the wedding attire, especially when they are probably already paying for a stag/hen do & will more than likely be buying a gift.
CommentAuthorthefuture:Mrs_Hurren
I am paying for all of my bridesmaid items, dress Shoes accessories and hair and make up. I did however at the time of asking tell them that my budget for dress and shoes was £150 and if they went over that I may need them to pay the difference. Which I now don't need them to do.
I think really if your not going to pay as a bride it should be something that you bring up at the time of asking as it is the norm for their dresses to be brought for them. At least then they are aware from the start. My personal view is that you wouldn't invite someone to a birthday party and expect them to pay to attend so why would you invite someone to play this important role and expect them to pay. (Unless like I've already said you broach it at the time of asking)
CommentAuthorFlossie
I do think it's generally the bride's responsibility to pay for their MOH and bridesmaids. It's not like they've asked you to be a bridesmaid, you've asked them and should be prepared for the cost. I've bought all the dresses already bar the flower girl's dress and am planning to pay for hair and make up etc. as well but will have to have a look at the budget closer to the time. It might be that I ask them to chip in but I wouldn't expect them to pay for the whoooole thing x
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorleasa
I know paying the flights and accommodation etc is more than most can/should do. But the best man is his cousin, and he wanted him there. So we included this in our budget before we started saving/booking anything.
It was right for us, but as others have said, there is no right or wrong way, it's about being clear from the start what your budget/expectations are.
We have gone way over our initial budget, but wouldn't have if we weren't lucky enough to have my dad offer to pay half for the venue. (which we didn't ask or expect).
It is purely down to you how you organize everything for your own wedding....but be straight with people and say from the time you ask them to be involved what you can/can't, are/are not paying for.
Met 30th May 2005
Proposed in Monte Carlo August 25th 2013
Became Mrs K on 30th May 2015
Married my Gorgeous Greek God
CommentAuthorAprilS61
We have paid for all Bridesmaids dresses and suit hire. I wanted our outhit and makeup done professionally so I said I would pay, and for us all to stay at the hotel the night before, so I'm paying for that too. If I wasn't bothered abut their hair and makeup or them staying then I wouldn't pay and then if they decided to do it s yeah then it would be at their own expense. The only thing they have paid for is their shoes. I'm not bothered ifthey match or not, just as longs they're silver.
I think if you have set things in mind you should pay. If you're happy to be more lenient then you may be able to ask them if they wouldnt mind putting in a contribution.
Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15
CommentAuthorJennK
My mum offered to cover the BMs and the in laws are covering the suits so didn't have to think about this too much, although I think we would have liked to cover it all ourselves :)
Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3
CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
edited
I have bought all of their dresses and will be paying for their hair and make up, the only thing I am asking them to buy are their shoes, for budget reasons but mainly because I know they would prefer to choose their own shoes and I wouldn't want to tell them what to wear as they are all so different, some wear heels, some don't etc. I think it is expected that the bride pays for the BM's but if you don't think you can afford to maybe you could ask her to pay for a few things like hair or shoes?
Got together on 14th March 2010
Got engaged on 25th December 2013
Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
CommentAuthorSarah D
Ive not started buying anything for my MOH or BM's yet, but I will be buying the dresses, pay for hair and make up, accessories and shoes. They have all already said they will book a lodge at the venue for the night of the wedding, I don't have the budget to offer to do that and were local to our venue so its not like they have a great distance to travel. xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorCamilaL
I'm planning to pay for their dresses, ask them to wear their own shoes (it's a floor-length dress), and probably have hair and make up paid for all of us. I'm still thinking about it, since some of us have the gift with make up and hair styling lol
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
I paid for everything for our bridesmaids, their dresses, shoes, jewellery and hair (they did their own make-up) and obviously bouquets. I personally don't believe in asking them to pay, but if you need something paid for by them I would say buy their dress and get them to pay for the rest, as it is then up to them whether they pay to get hair and make-up professionally done or do it themselves and they can decided whether to wear a pair of shoes they have or buy some new ones. I think that would probably go down better than asking someone to buy a dress that they probably won't wear again (I have never re-worn a bridesmaid dress as after it has been a bridesmaid dress I personally can't see it as being anything else) xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
It all depends on how flexible you are as the bride with styles and colours. Also will depend on her financial situation, she may not be able to afford it.
I set the general style, look and colour of the dresses and had the final say so I paid for the 2 BMs and FG dresses. My SIL paid for her daughters cardigan, shoes, tights and hair band even though I offered to pay, she insisted on paying for them.
My sister and best mate wore their own shoes and jewellery, they matched their jewellery and wore very similar earrings and necklaces so that was cool.
I paid for their hair and makeup to be done professionally as again I wanted a particular look and also paid for the hair accessories.
If you're going to ask her to pay for her own dress etc you will need to be prepared to let her choose the style and colour.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
I'm happy for her to choose the style length fabric ect all I asked was that it be navy blue to go who the theme, but she saying she'll where whatever I choose, but if she's getting to keep dress and everything would it be rude to ask her to contribute to something? X
CommentAuthorEmily17
I'm insisting on paying for my bridesmaids dresses purely because it's the one thing that I'm "enforcing" on them. They are free to wear whatever shoes, get makeup and hair done or not and wear whatever jewlery or not. But if they want their hair done they will gave to pay for this themselves
you can have the conversation but if you can't afford it maybe look on bay of e etc
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorMyranny
Like EmilyV17 says, Bay of E or even some highstreet stores might not be that expensive. In bridal shops you seem to be looking at £120 - £200 for a bridesmaid dress and I think well, no. I can buy the same sort of dress is house of Fr@5er for £80 or less so why would you do that? Also maybe go shopping in the December/January sales last minute, or an end of season sale at N3xt or something might be less expensive than you think, though I don't know what you're budgeting xx
CommentAuthorMyranny
Depending on what you're looking for, I can recommend a seller on the Bay of E who sells new (or as good as) sort of designer dresses K@r3n Mill3n, Ph@5e 8 and that sort of thing. I got one of my *favourite* dresses from her, £140 new for £21.87 incl postage. I've sent you a friend request, if you accept me I can link you to her. xx
CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
Will accept now Myranny could you message me the link rather than post on wall as find it easier to find :) I think we'll go look at dresses then have lunch and I'll bring up about how I'll pay for the dress if she's ok to pay for hair or make up or do it herself and will talk about shoes at the time too
CommentAuthorMyranny
Done :) Sounds like a plan x
CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
Done x
CommentAuthormichgib
Could mm you send me that link please
CommentAuthorMyranny
Posted on your wall, michgib.
CommentAuthorEmily17
Can I have the link too please have a lovely evening dress that needs updating! :)
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
It is normally the bride or her parents who pay, but it is not unusual to ask the bridesmaids to pay if there are cost restrictions. I would say though, if you need her to pay, tell her sooner rather than later, and give her the chance to choose what she buys (within reason).
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorLouiseS89
I don't know whether to ask my bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, I feel cheeky asking them. I'm having four bridesmaids, the ages will be 26, 25, 14 and 9, so it means getting four different size dresses which i'm not sure will cost more. What would everyone else do? x
CommentAuthorMyranny
You could always check out the dresses that you want and find out before coming to any decision on that LouiseS76. In my limited experience, they don't charge you different amounts for different adult sizes but the young girls dresses may be slightly cheaper. It depends what you want to do really, and what your budget is per bridesmaid. For example if you've set a budget saying you don't want to pay more than £100 (or whatever) per bridesmaid, look for something within that budget. If I'm 100% honest, if someone asked me to be their bridesmaid, I would not expect to pay for my own dress. Shoes, hair, makeup, anything else I would, but not the dress I'm being asked/told to wear. xx
CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
For me personally I am paying for their dresses, hair, makeup and accessories though I am not paying for their shoes but they have been given instructions to ensure they are all wearing black shoes.
Met in Nov 2005
Engaged 13th June 2013
Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
Myranny did you manage to message me the link Hun :) x
CommentAuthorLouiseS89
Thanks for your advice, your right I've asked them to be my bridesmaids so I should buy the dresses, I'm not really looking forward to picking the dresses coz one of them is very picky x
CommentAuthorEmmaG
edited
I think if you have asked people to be bridesmaids and want them to have a new dress to wear and of certain colour you should buy the dress. Think its only fair. You wouldn't ask a friend round for dinner then they arrive and you say can you pay for your portion of meat and your drink please. Its the same. If you asking someone to be apart of your wedding party then you shouldn't get them to pay for the privilege unless you have stated from the start - wear what you like. There are some great dresses out there that don't cost very much at all. Would be much better to Get a nice cheap dress and if they have own shoes then bonus . They can do own hair and make up or like others have said, offer them a make up artist but explain you cant afford to pay for that too. Then if you go dress shopping and cant find anything in budget then tell her you cant afford anymore than xxx and then she may offer to put in £20 or something, good luck with choosing :)
Soooooo excited to be marrying my Best Friend !!
Life is Wild, Love it Live it !
CommentAuthorFayeC57
I'm planning on paying for 4 bridesmaids and 3 flower girl dresses, but if they all fall in love with something that's a bit too expensive for me then I will ask them to chip in. I will be making Swarovski jewellery and hair comb sets as their gifts and probably a clutch bag too. I will probably ask them to buy their shoes, and pay for their hair and makeup on the day, although if I have any budget left it will probably be spent on the girks! I think that's fair, I just think of what I'd be happy with if I were asked to be the bridesmaid. X
CommentAuthorMyranny
I did message it but i think my internet might have dropped out and it's not gone through. I can't send it in messages if you're not online I don't think (well, I can't work it out) so I posted it on your wall but if you can't find it and you see me online give me a shout and I'll send it again :) xx
