i know this is probably trivial but i really need advice. My mum is engaged to be married, to someone i have only met once, and do not know at all. My little boy is 2 next month and got his birthday card early from them yesterday, which is where my issue was as she put their names on (which is fine) but then put 'grandma and granddad' underneath. Which I'm not happy about as he isn't my dad, nor is he little man's granddad. My son already has a granddad in the form of my own granddad who has been like a dad to me as him and my grandma brought me up. Me and my mum don't have the best relationship to start with anyway due to her Schizophrenia, and the guy she is engaged to also has the same condition.


Anyways...back on topic. My mum phoned up earlier to make sure we got the card, so I used the opportunity to let her know I wasn't happy about him being called granddad on the card, and that until either A) they get married, or b) I know him better I'm not happy for little man to call him granddad as i'm worried that it will confuse him if, god forbid they did ever split up. However I don't mind him being called Uncle (name here) instead. In return I got told that I was stupid, and acting like a baby and that I need to grow up.


Is it wrong of me to not want my son to call him granddad? When currently he has no relation to my son whatsoever? And my other issue is that my mum complains that she isn't treated like a normal person, but when I do treat her like a normal person, i get insulted and she calls me names. I did explain to her that it would be exactly the same if h2b's mum got engaged, and h2b's has agreed with this as if she did find someone and get married they wouldn't be a blood relation and she would be happy for him to be called uncle.


I know alot of it is because my mum is mentally ill, but me and h2b feel strongly about it, I guess i just want to see what other people's views on it are, as this is the latest in a long history of problems I've had with my mum, but I don't know if its to do with her illness or because shes just stubborn. I should probably also mention that when i last saw her and said I wasn't ready to meet her h2b, she brought him along anyway, and then asked if he could take pictures of our son.


I honestly don't know what to do, I don't want to upset my mum, but at the same time if she wants to be treated like she doesn't have a mental illness then she has to accept that this is the way it is?

hey hun, i totally agree with you on this. my mum has a new man in her life and my kids call him by his name rather than grandad. i can see exactly why you would be angry about it xx

Ok...I am not really one for calling folk by names such as 'Uncle/Aunty' unless they really are related OR they are longterm CLOSE friends (friends are as good if not better than family alot of time!). Soooooooo referring to a fella as Grandad to a 2 year old who has and knows his Grandad is not the best IMO.

BUT, that said...int he scheme of things is it really worth falling out with your Mum about - int he scheme of things 'pick your fights' WISELY ...is this really worth the upset?

At your sons current age you can 'gloss over' the Granded thing..and also keep reminding him whom his real Grandadis etc. Kids are flexible and amenable to adults peculiararities...I think we (grown ups) don't give kids enuf credit.

So....keep reminding your Mum - when the occasion arises he is not a Grandad..personally, I would WELCOME him - irrelevant of his illness etc..he may prove to be a very nice bloke..who knows?

As for the Schizophrenia thing..i understand the FULL implications of this as work in an industry that deals with this type of condition. All I can say is I have NO comment or suggestions to make other than remember that you are fortunate NOT to have the condition that can and does cause others to sometimes behave irrationally or perhaps not as expected. TRY to NOT take comments personally - easy words to type but extrememly difficult to carry out.

I wish you all the best.

Goff - it's not the fact he has schizophrenia why I'm wary, it what hes in hospital for that i'm wary of as he was put in a mental hospital instead of going to prison, and he seems to be making my mums condition worse not better, to the point she won't even leave south yorkshire to come to my son's birthday next month (a whole other issue though) it's not even that i dont like him, its that i've only met him once and he barely said two words to me, and as i wasnt expecting o see him, i had no idea what to say to him as i was expecting to just see my mum and catch up, but with him there, she barely spoke to me either! =/ As I said though thats a whole different issue. DP you have hit the nail on the head, she wouldn't refer to him as dad on anything addressed to me, and it's the fact that she didnt even ask me if it was ok before sending it, and then argued with me over it when i let her know i had a problem with it. I'm also concerned that she sees him as her last chance to get married, which is what she said on the phone, so I don't know what to make of it. I just know it's going to come back and bite me on the backside. lol.

my nieces and nephews call me auntie and have done from birth, blimey some of them are 30yrs old, l have now been with my h2b for 6yrs and they call him uncle they didn't start this right away it only started after our engagement we laughed at first as it was strange to hear this, but it fits and we are delighted as this shows respect and acceptance from all the nieces and nephews

l'm not making comment on your mum's illness as l have family with same, it is treatable with medication, but l don't think that's why she wrote in the card, l just think this line was written as natural progression given that she has a partner, l'm going to be a stepmum and hopefully my step kids will allow me to be called nana when they have have kids just as l hope my kids will allow my new hubby to be called pappa
it's not worth losing your mum over, be happy for them and indulge them hunni they possibly mean well good luck x