Wedding Forum - What?!!! Update...

9 months to go, dress bought, ceremony paid for room deposit paid, car booked and deposit paid and THEN last night he said "I'm not sure if I want to get married anymore" WTF?!!! Where on earth this came from I don't have a clue I asked him why and he said he doesn't know?!!! I don't even know where my head is right now, I don't know what to say to him where our relationship is at this point, I thought everything was fine (if not better now than ever) we have 2 kids he doesn't really help with them but I've got used to that he spends more time at work then the gym than he does awake at home. I don't want to speak to anyone I know personally incase everything just irons itself out but I don't know what to do :( x

Bless your heart xx how awful it must be to hear that and no reason for it! I don't really know what to say or advice to give except talk to him, communication is the key to a good relationship, I've always said that. Ask him to be truthful to u and tell u why he's feeling the way he is. Are you able to get a babysitter and maybe go have a quiet drink and talk over it? Can't even imagine how u must be feeling right now. I hope so much you can sort it out. Xxx

Yea I agree to just try and sit down and have a chat with him. How long have you been planning the wedding?it could just be that he's worrying and needs reassuring but if he really doesn't want to go through with it it's better that you know now rather than another 8 months down the line.I really hope you can get to the bottom of this and get it sorted xx

Been engaged for 2 years in feb been planning for over a year! Don't know why he couldn't of mentioned this before giving notice :/ x

Sorry to hear this I hope things can work out and all ends good x

P.s hope he enjoys his dog stew dinner ;-)

Definitely try and sit him down and have a proper chat about this. You need to know where you stand. I really feel for you hun. Hopefully everything will resolve by itself xxx

((((Big Hugs)))) I hope this is just a case of cold feet x

My h2b did this a while back, he actually completely broke up with me! (we still lived together & slept in the same bed etc), we have 2 kids. But everything got too much for him, it was a combination of things, the money involved in the wedding, (we were paying £50 a month out on rings he designed at the time), lack of work, family situations stressing us both out, a safety issue, various other things all combined & it nearly broke him. he broke up with me march/april time, a little while later he decided he did want to be with me, but he wanst sure how much, so we agreed to do the dating thing. Our next door neighbour was amazing & offered to have the kids for an entire day every week so we could have a day to eachother without having to worry about our boys, we went on bike rides, picnics, window shopping, walks, etc. Then by February this year... I had had enough... our rings had been delivered months previous, much as we werent engaged anymore he still told me to get my ring sized properly (it turned up slightly too tight), my dress had already been bought & was/is being stored at my grandparents place. So in the end I spent a few weeks on here, having explained what had happened & asked for help writing a poem. Then I broke his engagement ring.... (I had been wearing it as it still meant something to me) so I got it replaced, wrote the poem, made a 3 course meal, was all prettified, kids in bed, starter was almost ready (I even laid his clothes out for him) told him he had 15minutes to shower before dinner after getting home from work. We had starter & main courses, I had even made a menu up in our wedding colours. For dessert I removed the menu & replaced it with the poem, placed his ring infront of it & a hot cookie dough & ice cream to share in front of us & told him to read the poem. By the time he stopped laughing at the last verse ("We'll share our name, with our boys, & have some fun, with bedroom toys) he finally agreed to marry me on the provision that i dont go on about the wedding, we dont pay out stupid amounts per month leaving us with pitence, & if the wedding fund needs to be used for anything else, that something else comes first. I obviously agreed to his terms & we have been great since.

I have got loads of stuff for the wedding since feb & he hasnt even noticed that the money had been used for wedding items, i did start saving for things such as venue etc (to pay outright) but the money had to be used for bills & i kept my word & used it for bills :)

It was very hard, & I completely know how you feel, its heart wrenching! But rather than thinking negatively, think about how you can make things better, do you have a neighbour you trust with your children? a friend? try to find your relationship again, do something slightly daring in the bedroom department to mix it up a little. There is a £5 website, buy yourself nice nice new lingerie for wear for him. The fact that he has asked not to do anything weddingy until after christmas, is a positive.... it means hes asking for time, not that hes saying no completely (like my h2b did).

Hold you head high & smile through & it should settle down for you hun.

Sorry to hear this Hun, really feel for you, hugs it all turns out ok. I can only echo the good advice already given, stay strong and let us know how it's going.

Update!!! My oh randomly told me last night that he's sorry for saying he doesn't know if he wants to get married, he said he wants to marry me and for me to be his wife and us be a proper family but he doesn't want all the fuss (he's very shy, still finds it hard to talk to my mum and she's the most down to earth person I know) so after agreeing we are still getting married it might just be my mum and siblings and dad and his mum dad and his brother, no evening doo (May even get rid of my dress I feel it's too big for this small event) and no bridesmaids apart from my 13 year old sister, I'm over the moon his feelings haven't changed but can't help but feel deflated about the whole no big doo, we weren't having a sit down meal anyway for the exact reason of his shyness and that's why the big mingling doo seemed a good idea but he still doesn't like the idea of that xx

It's great that you still get to marry him. I can completely understand you feeling deflated about not getting the wedding you have been planning, but it must be such a relief to know that he still wants you to be his wife.

I had a peek at your dress - its gorgeous - I would still wear it haha

Sounds like its the marriage he wants, not the big wedding - the marriage is what it's all about really.
Maybe you can have an anniversary party a year on for all your friends & relatives, perhaps he may feel like there's less pressure/attention on him that way - no worries about fluffing lines etc.