I am still arguing with OH about it as most of you know how close we were to postponing wedding, and we just had an argument with OH, as he insists on inviting not only all of his colleagues, even new starters from this week, but also all the partners. Now if we had loads of money and a big venue I wouldn't care, but venue being so small, they said real max should be 90 in total, and so far we are way over 110, so imagine how crowded we will be, but some of his colleagues aren't friends, just purely colleagues, and he also wants us to invite all the wives/girlfriends and husbands/boyfriends. Is it the normal etiquette for evening guests to necessarily invite the +1? What also really upsets me so much about it, is that I have made so much sacrifices myself in guestlist and on my side won't even have 1/3 when Mr Doublé don't care what I think and will invite the whole county if he could.
Sorry for the rant
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
Forum Poll
Guest list for evening
Who should we invite
Poll Results
Total Votes:
27
just the colleagues he is close to
41%
just the colleagues he is close to with partners
56%
all his colleagues with partners
0%
all his colleagues without partners
4%
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorMrsBroady2B
Tell him health and safety of your venue wont allow this many people. Tell him if he want's all these people then he can find a new venue that will house them all.
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
also wondered if you think of me as bridezilla/b!tch as I don't want their partners if I don't meet them before, I simply don't want at my wedding someone I never met who will just come for food and be part of my day but never bothered meeting me beforehand
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorSian''OCD''Holkham
Put your foot down hun thats not fair for him to be like that and I agree with MrsBroady2B tell him venue won't allow that many his got to cut back x
For numbers we've invited friends only and no partners or children unless we know them well - if you're over already then I don't see how you can invite any more?
CommentAuthorJilly17
As Mrs Broady says it is not just about overcrowding but Health and Safety because if it is obvious you have too many guests you dont want your venue closing the doors and turning even more away! I would tell him bluntly, he is being selfish when you have made sacrifices. It is fair enough to invite work colleagues he is close to but not just everyone for the sake of it!
CommentAuthorSubbyMinx
I don't particularly want random people I don't know at my wedding either, however some of my friends, who will be in the bridal party, have new boyfriends that I haven't met yet, and don't really know. I'd feel really bad not inviting them, and I can't exactly see a difference when it comes to any other guest. My partner has some friends that I don't know very well either, and they'll be invited. However, inviting people he's only know a couple of weeks seems just wrong. I will always make space for partners where I can, but the initial friend list has to be genuine friends imho.
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
His excuse now is that he is close to everybody at work as there's only 16 people working for the company, and that for him speaking to them all everyday makes him close to all of them, but funny though that I have never heard of some of them, even name, and very few of them go for drinks with him or are in touch outside of work. I think his problem is knowing the difference between being close to someone and speaking to someone everyday. I just told him about the health and safety and they might request some people to leave when they realise that there are way too many people. @bridalmiss, I am not inviting more people, its OH would wants to tell them all.
All I wanna do right now is go to bed on my OWN with all my cuddly toys and let him sleep in spare bedroom, I am so upset, as his family and his own financial input in the wedding is way less than mine and my parents', and I am the one making sacrifices and compromises already on so many things.
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorJilly17
I dont blame you! He should have factored these people in from the beginning, I am assuming he always knew how many the venue holds. Could you have them on a reserve list for those who rsvp no? Otherwise out your foot down, I would!
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
We knew about the venue just around the time he started this job last year, he hasn't been there even a year and he considers them all CLOSE friends. Sorry this just starting to proper do my head in now. I suggested wait until end of April when we'll have all rsvps and then if we have some declining it will be OK.
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorbridalmiss
Definitely, if they weren't part of the original guest list when you budgeted for everything and sorted your venue, I definitely think you can ask him to invite his work colleagues and no partners to the wedding, and if he really wants them there then he should offer to pay for their places - ours works out around 50 per head including food and drinks, work yours out and put it to him that way - 16 friends plus partners is 32 people, which is an additional £1600 you'd never factored in! Harsh but you really need to stick to your guest list, we've had a couple of evening guests who we would have liked to invite to the day but for budgeting we couldn't - however we've had a couple of day guests decline so we've bumped them to day guests instead as now we can have them there! We're ok with this as our original numbers haven't gone up overall, so we know we can still foot the bill :-)
CommentAuthorKaz
I'm with bridalmiss, if someone cancels he can add more, if not tough! Have you tried explaining the sacrifices you've made already?
We had a rule that if they hadn't spoken to us for a year when we booked the church they weren't invited, and seeing as your H2B didn't really know anyone from work then they are fall backs!
Good luck hun xx
WARNING:
I say the first thing I think of!
CommentAuthorkrazykitty
if i was you id say look if you want to invite all these people then i will invite the people i have cut out because of lack of space and you can payt for all the extra people that i dont know from YOUR work! if he still has a problem then sit him down and say look i have made lots of scrifices for you with people that i want there and you arent even thinking about that you just want everyone who you want! would they invite you to their wedding??
i would maybe invite close colleagues but no partners unless they are friends too!! Im not inviting my work colleagues! i woprk with them but they arent friends!! just cos i speak to them everyday! x
good luck hunni xx
i cannot wait to marry my best friend
i love you ry!!!
engaged midnight 2009
Mrs Ryan Sheader (to be) lol :D
CommentAuthorJoanna
Put your foot down babe. If he's never talked to some of them outside of work then he's not close friends with them is he? I wouldn't want people i don't know at my wedding either xx
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
<3
CommentAuthormadhen
I didn't vote in the poll as am sort of between two. I would say either you only invite the colleagues he is close to, and then you can include their partners, as you would with other friends..... or .....you invite all his work colleagues without their partners, so it's obvious it's a general "work" invitation. We're inviting previous work colleagues that we're friends with, plus partners if they want to come, because we've both worked in small organisations before so we genuinely do know the people we worked with, and have met their partners often. We probably won't invite any of our new work colleagues as we now live in Scotland, but the wedding will be in Ireland, so it's a bit much to expect them to come all that way for an evening invitation.
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
I am the same, I am only inviting 2 ladies from work with their partners, as I can say they are FRIENDS, not just supposedly "close" workmates, there are quite a few other colleagues I would have invited if I was thinking like OH, but I am being realistic, we can't "squeeze" them in so I am not being silly and go on the basis that because I speak to them everyday I will invite them. When we spoke last night about me meeting his colleagues and partners before hand, OH's answer was "well come and see me at work", how ridiculous is that, at the moment they are so busy that he can barely reply to me on Skype, so imagine me turning up in his office and say hello to everybody and go introduce myself and try to have a chat with them all, I don't think so and this doesn't resolve problem of partners that would not turn up at work. For me if those colleagues aren't bothered being in touch with us outside of work, would should they share the most special day of our lives.
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthormadhen
Exactly - the ones that you speak to in normal situations outside the office have a right to come, but otherwise you're just providing them with somewhere different to go on a Saturday night out - it won't be special to them that it's your wedding day.
CommentAuthorbarbie86
We're only inviting colleagues we're close to, and we're only inviting partners if we know them too; eg my OH is inviting 2 colleagues who are a couple; but I've never met the partners of the colleagues I'm inviting, so am inviting them without their partners. I think this is fine because they'll be there as a group and there will be other singles there eg my brothers friends.
We're not even giving all our day guests a plus one; it's over 2 years to the wedding and we're nearly at our max numbers, so if our currently-single friends (inc my BMs) have partners by then, their partners will unfortunately only get evening invites. Again, as there'll be with other single friends I don't see this as an issue (we'd try to make an exception though if they met someone tomorrow and were still with them for the wedding)
As others have said, venues have restrictions on numbers for good reason, so you have to stick to it and your venue could well refuse entry to people if it's obvious you've gone over, as they could be in serious trouble if they had an inspection. That and as you've said, you don't want people there you don't know. You need to put your foot down; there is no need to invite everyone, or their partners, so tell your OH how many spaces there are and leave the ball in his court.
My guess is the problem has arisen because it's a small firm; it's difficult to invite some people and not others when you only work with 16 people, but you have to be sensible; my OH works with just 20 so is in a similar situation, but it only inviting 4 of that 20, and doesn't care; he doesn't know the others very well, so why invite them?
But yeah, you need to be firm.
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
I am going explode. OH's new fancy thing on top of inviting all is colleagues is to do a full Stag Weekend outdoor activities with accomodation costing around £120+ per person, and worse thing is we didn't budget this, and he's trying to put his foot down with this, I am not having it, he wants me to cut down flowers, and other things on my part but he wants to spend so much money on his weekend, when none of the people he's inviting can even afford
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorbarbie86
I really think you two need to have a serious chat. I think some minor disagreements are normal; but personally, without meaning to speak out of line, if my OH was behaving like this it would be making me have a very serious think about our relationship. Compromise and some degree of sacrifice are essential in any relationship, and while obviously we're only hearing your side of things, so it's hard to be objective, his behaviour sounds very selfish and inflexible, and would give me serious cause for concern.
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
I know what you mean barbie, he just think that because he just got a raise he can have such a fancy stag do but doesn't realise at the time it happens we have other things to pay off. It just worries me so much he is still so immature and thinks only about playing games and relaxing and having fun. I've suggested him with our budget just to go on a night out strip club in Leeds do deals costing about £35 per person
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorbridalmiss
Let him have his stag night, but not out of the wedding budget - if he wants to pay for it out of his own pocket and not the jointly funded wedding pot, I don't see the problem? However, if he's expecting it to come out of the joint wedding fund so you pay half, I'd have words - we've not put hen or stag in our wedding budget!
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
The point is at the moment as I am on statutory sick pay he doesn't have spare money. I managed to make him understand about cost for his stag do and he is letting me kinda organise it as neither him or his best man are enquiring or doing anything about it at least I wont book something he can't afford and that his mates can't afford either. I knew I would end up doing this
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorGazza 122
I voted close colleagues and partners. I have invited my close work lot, with their partners, ....and same with Kev. My immediate neighbours however (we have regular girlie nights etc) i have invited just the ladies to the evening as i dont know thier partners. We have a max of 120 and we have maxed it....but a few on a reserves list aswell xx
