Wedding Forum - What do you do about people who assume they...

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Guests: What do you do about people who assume they are invited to your wedding?

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- CommentAuthorParisianbelle
Hi everyone,

I'm getting married next summer and i'm starting to think seriously about the guest list. We've decided on 150 people maximum and the majority will be travelling from abroad France, US etc so we are planning to invite everyone to the ceremony and the reception. The only problem is that I have a few friends/colleagues that just assume they will be invited but I wasn't really counting on inviting them. It's true that at one point we were close but one of them I haven't seen for a year as she moved abroad and she's not really made the effort to keep in touch despite my messages. She only ever contacts me for information about my wedding plans and to ask for things. Is it awkward to invite only one person from that group? Also, I have another good friend who has a long-term partner who I don't particularly care for. He is nice but I would prefer to invite one of my friends instead. I feel that I might have to invite him just to please my friend but then within that group there are other couples, do I then have to invite their partners too, some of whom i've never even met? Sorting out the guest list is proving to be quite stressful as I really do not want to offend people but I feel like it's our day and we'd like to spend it with people who really matter to us. Any ideas what I should do?
- CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
Dont send them an invite hunni, they SHOULD get the message!!
I personally wouldnt assume I was def coming to ANYTHING untill that invite landed on my door mat!

I do have a few cousins who are assuming they are coming to ours but ive not seen them since before my daughter was born and she just turned 12................don't think so, sorry!!!

UKBride moderator both on here and on facebook

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
- CommentAuthorWifey2be
I have not invited hardly any of my friends partners as i think why should i pay 50pound for someone i dont really even know.

even one of my bridesmaids hubby is not invited, i have however invited him to the evening but not the day, not like they would be able to spend time together anyways as shes my bridesmaids haha! :)

i just have to make it clear to people how expensive it is and just say sorry but only your invited not your other half as money is tight :) your true friends will understand even if they are slightly upset at first!

remember its yours and your hubby to be day not anyone else! x x
- CommentAuthorFutureMrsPite
I think u have to just be brutal when it comes to who ur inviting, otherwise u get caught up in that 'well ive invited their partner so i will have to invite this persons partner' etc. my venue only holds a max of 40 for the ceremony and 60 for the reception so i have had to cut back big time! and ppl that i would have really liked to have been there, but at the end of the day i didnt want 2 wait years to get married so im gonna do it on a budget and just tell ppl sorry but its a small wedding. I dont think u could use that but maybe say we have a lot of family and close friends and there just isnt room?! or just send out the invites and wait and see if they say anything when they dont get one. what i do know is its ur day so dont be compelled to keep everyone else happy! good luck x

As the beatles say, Love Is All You Need x
- CommentAuthorMrsHardy2be
I know Wat you mean when we first started planning our wedding our guest list was over 200 with 50+ kids, we have now just cut it down to family kids and have invited the ppl who will appriciate the stuff we do always ne there for us and who will remember our first anniversary, unfortunatly some ppl will get offended but its your day and you can only do what your budget alows

- CommentAuthorStevie_Dee
I would say we are keeping the guesl list to 150 of our favourite people, and you are not on it....they should get the message.

Only joking please don't say that.

No I agree with the other ladies. xxx

I have a gorgeous husband!
2 brilliant wonderful boys, a wonderful life
in Cornwall. Happiest woman ever!
Now making our house a home. Blessing 2014.
- CommentAuthorWifey2be
hahahhahaha stevie you message just made me giggle so so much!! :) haha x
- CommentAuthorSsouter
I'm not going to invite other halves that I don't know. I agree, why should I pay £xx amount for someone I don’t know when I could have another friend there instead. As for your friend who hasn’t made the effort recently, no effort = no invite!!! There is a girl at my work who is telling everyone how she can’t wait for my wedding (she knows my partner too) but we haven’t been close for over a year now and she is definitely not getting an invite. Again, it’s a space that can be used for someone who has made an effort. If anyone questions not coming you should just state that the numbers were tight and you had family that you had to invite. No point in being nasty about it. Hope you manage to agree your guest list! xx
- CommentAuthorlinzi
i think if someone has a long term partner, and you are aware of that then you have to invite them to the wedding. Imagine how you would feel if your H2B got a wedding invite but he wasnt allowed to take you?
our day guests are only getting a plus 1 if they are married or are in long term relationships (ie more than a year!)

I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully!!
Started Slimming World - 23/03/2011 - 2 Stone to lose!
Total Loss = 1 stone 7 lbs.
As at 23/11 - 3 days before the wedding.
- CommentAuthorloustew2012
what we did was set a max for the ceremony and meal which is 100. out of that we put n our close friends first plus the bridal party and then after that we split it down the middle for family. being honest we dont see much of our extended family usually only at weddings any but our minimum for the venue was 100. evening guests is everyone that didnt make the cut.

All the ways of my life id rather be with you.
Theres no way without you.
10.11.12
- CommentAuthorGazza 122
some people i know have said to me...ohhh i love weddings and cant wait to see you in your dress...i am like, yea i will bring the photo's in! lol....i have also had to say (just the other day) after being asked how wedding plans are going.."i have sent out all the save the date cards now, for all the people we really want there."
It made me feel awful, but i hate the way some people assume they are automatically invited to my wedding, when they dont particularly bother with me at any other time. xx
- CommentAuthorSteffie
I did an original guest list when we first got engaged in feb 2010...and then on saturday i did a new guest list and compared it to the first one...I knocked off about 20 people from the day do because either they've moved away or we just dont see them anymore!

Some of Ant's workmates (who he absolutely despises) keep saying "I've bought my suit" etc, he told me he doesnt know how to tell them they are not invited...I said to let me tell them. I'll tell it straight "We don't like you...You do F all at work and I have to hear about it all evening so therefore you aint coming" lol xxx

I hate people who just assume because they've known Ant forever they will be invited to the wedding or as a gross man (who is one of my OLD friend's step dad) who cleans my mum and dads windows thinks hes invited lol xxx
- CommentAuthorbridalmiss
If it's easy to ignore these people then do that, otherwise I think it's courteous to explain that due to cost and event size restrictions, you can't invite everybody. We've got around this by inviting some people to the church and night only, so that we aren't covering the cost of a meal for these people and they can still enjoy the party with the pay bar. We're asking these people to come in about half an hour or so before our first dance, from 8-8.30pm (the party ends at 12 so they still get a decent party time - plus, it always helps to have extra bods on the dance floor!)

About a year before the wedding we sent out save the dates to everyone who was on our day list, and the night only guests we've mentioned this to them in passing but not sent save the dates. When we send out invites 6 months before it will clearly state whether guests are invited for the whole reception or just evening only - we thought this was the most polite way to let people know what they were doing.

Only where we've met the other halves or children we've invited them, others we've only invited the friend we know and their families to the night only - a couple of my girlfriends have already said they're fine with this as they get to have an afternoon off in all their finery!

If you just explain to people they will be fine about it...
- CommentAuthorWeeMintyMonkie
Im inviting my family and close friends with partners to my wedding.
Then in the evening its friends who i am still in touch with but maybe dont see day to day but still quite close and their partners. Anyone i dont want coming im leaving out.
Im not even inviting my moh h2b as he doesnt like my h2b has said nothing but bad things about him and well i dont very much like him and only put up with him as hes with my mate.
H2b has said NO to him coming and well this way i can say its not my decision and i wont stress about how im not gonna invite him

x x x
- CommentAuthorlinzi
when we sent out our day invites we got a few "oh, why are our kids not on the invite?" responses from some friends. We just said to them so that they could come and enjoy the day without them! and that the only kids we were having at our wedding was our nephew (pageboy) and neice (flower girl). a few folk humped but we dont care.

I don’t repeat gossip so listen very carefully!!
Started Slimming World - 23/03/2011 - 2 Stone to lose!
Total Loss = 1 stone 7 lbs.
As at 23/11 - 3 days before the wedding.
- CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
  
  edited
we have had that with families children so we are going to list all the people on the invite so Uncle Blah Aunty Blah and Cousin. my uncle has 9 kids and only 2 are invited to the day do as most i haven't seen in forever so i don't think its worth bothering with them. same with the night do i'm just inviting adults so the invites will just have the adults name on and no and family business limited numbers and all that

my maid of honour and groomsman have just broken up from long term relationships and they will not get a plus 1 invite as i feel 12 months isn't long to get to know someone as we knew their previous partners for years.

so all people you haven't seen i ages dont get invites just write the people on that you want and if they ring you and ask it they can have blah come then you have to be firm and say due to numbers no, if they don't like it then they don't come and its their loss unfortunately you have to be ruthless.

8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one

Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
- CommentAuthorWeeMintyMonkie
you just have to say its all due to numbers! it is the best way,

xxx
- CommentAuthorKate_B
We've had the same - my uncle's partner (who we rarely see) kicked up a fuss as we hadnt invited her sons from a previous marriage to the day and just the eve. Baring in mind they are in their mid 20's and we never see them. This then caused her to say that her and my uncle wont be making the day and may just come to the evening do altogether...saves us money and numbers on the day I guess lol...Although me and h2b are quite happy if they dont turn up altogether after the fuss its caused with grandparents having a go etc etc! Nightmare!!

Another issue is one of hubby to be's best mates. He's torn between inviting him and his fiancee to the day as although he would love his mate there, we cant really stick his fiancee... Argh!
- CommentAuthorParisianbelle
Thanks so much ladies, I really appreciate the support! I guess we're just going to have to be strict about the guest list and I'll have to deal with the consequences once the invites go out. I think we'll invite the long term partners who we know and like but that's it, we can't have everyone.
Good luck with all your weddings :-)
xxxx

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