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  1.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 12th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Dilemma - best man has organized a dual meaning meal the day before the wedding. Firstly to celebrate with immediates so just parents, grandparents and bridesmaids and secondly to thank those that have contributed towards the wedding. The problem is that my OH has a very small family and the only person who wouldn't be included is her auntie so she would be left out but if you do invite her, then it is unfair on all my aunts and uncles who wouldn't be included which also isn't fair. There is also the problem that our bestman has arranged this and can only afford the very immediates so numbers are limited and we can't fit her even if we wanted to anyway... The thing is is that my OHs family are insanely close knit so we don't want her or any of her family to get upset or offended if we don't include her so what do we do?? It feels like we will be damned if we do, damned of we don't... Her family have this thing where everyone has to do everything together because they are so small but I kinda just want it to be the special few as it will be a special time especially as we will be surrounded by loads of people all of the next day and we won't get to see any of parents etc. much because we'll be busy doing the rounds with the other family and guests (including her)... Please help! Xx

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  2.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Ooh that is a bit of a predicament that you're in.. Could you maybe contact your FMIL and let her know the situation, then maybe she could help advise you as to what this Auntie's reaction to not receiving an invite would be?
    I understand that you do feel the need to be even with who you invite, but just bare in mind that this meal is a one time thing, and your OH obviously cares about her enough to invite her to the Wedding, so is it worth upsetting the entire family over one little seat you can probably squeeze in on the end?
    I bet you wish that your Best Man hadn't told you who was invited now, and left it as a surprise, then you could just say that you had no idea over the guest list.. Is there any chance that you could still pretend to your OH's family that you don't know, and then they can be mad at the Best Man, not you? Haha, bit harsh throwing him under the bus, but you could pretend that he didn't know the Family dynamics when he invited everyone, so just stuck to Parents and Bridal Party?
    Good luck with whatever you do! X
  3.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    That's a tricky one! To be honest, if it was me I would probably invite her. I know you should just be thinking about yourselves as it is your wedding and you shouldn't be treading on eggshells trying to make sure everyone else is happy, but it wouldn't be very nice for her to be the only family member on that side not invited. I'm sure she appreciates she is not immediate family as such, but being the 'odd one out' would make me really sad. I don't think your aunties and uncles should mind too much as I'm sure they could appreciate that she would literally be the only one left out on that side, and as you say, they will all be getting to spend your special day with you anyway! xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  4.  
    • JennK
      CommentAuthorJennK
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    As it is just one extra could you cover the cost yourselves? I'm sure your aunties and uncles will understand that your family is bigger :)

    Members signature icon
    Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3


  5.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hmm I think I'm on the other side as I think you've answered your own question with the statement ' I kinda just want it to be a special few.....' I think it's important for it to be the immediate family and bridal party only, if she thinks so much of you then she'll understand the reason why she's not invited and if your families love you they won't make you feel guilty about this choice otherwise it makes them look selfish x

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  6.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 13th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I think I would invite her. It's one chair so won't make a huge difference. Could you cover the cost of her yourself, or maybe even said auntie?

    I think 'immediate family' is like a rank of parents/siblings and thats it (if you think medically when visting in hospitals for example, its unfair) I think it should be who you feel closest to.

    I don't think it's unreasonable to explain to your side (if you did have her there) that OHs family is only small and very tight and by not including the auntie it's kind of closing out just one person. Whereas a big family should know that it's a very intimate meal and not everyone can be there, but it's everyone being there the following day that's important,where the space is there for everybody to be together.

    Hope that makes sense as I've baffled on in my head ha!

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  7.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Nov 18th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    i think it could be explained easy enough either way, if you dont invite her, just saying parents/grandparents should be adequate enough explanation, i wouldnt even mention it tbh, id invite who i was inviting and leave it at that

    Similarily, you could just invite her. you dont need to explain yourself to anyone, and if anyone asks, im sure they would understand

    dont over complicate it, it doesnt need to be!

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  8.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Nov 18th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    invite her ...... nothing said ....no explanation .....eat meal .....get drunk ....... who cares .....

  9.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 18th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Do what you and Oh want to do chick, it sounds to me like you would rather not invite her, you could explain to ohs family IF they do mention anything it was your Bestman paying for it so it wasn't fair to invite one auntie and leave your family out. That said would they really mention anything about it if it was just you your oh and parents and BMaid and BMan surely not x

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
    Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
  10.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Nov 18th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks ladies, it is very difficult being in the middle but we don't get much say in it other that telling people who is coming and who's not... Ever the diplomat eh?! x

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

 
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