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  1.  
    • Zoe.L66
      CommentAuthorZoe.L66
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Really didn't want to rant but I knew h2bs little girl would start going in a huff about things she's in a huff she's can't come on honeymoon, she's in a huff she doesn't get to come to the romantic candle lit dinner day after the wedding, she's in a huff she doesn't get the champagne breakfast day after the wedding, she's in a huff the room we've booked is the bridal suit with jacuzzi not a room with a separate area for her.

    Yes i properly sound like a spoilt bridezilla but I really have no patients for her when it comes to being bratty about my wedding. It's mine and Terry's day and Terry won't dare even explain to her she's not coming on honeymoon he just keeps changing the subject when she asks. I tired to give her a important job to make her feel part of it by reading a poem at the ceremony but all she said was I want to pick a poem not me.

    Stressed. What do I do?

    Xx
  2.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Kids will be kids. Maybe she's finding it hard to deal with as well as trying to stamp some authority, kids like to push boundaries.

    Sorry to hear you're having a rough time with her.

    You need to speak to your h2b and explain how you feel, why you feel the way you do and tell him you need his support.

    It won't be easy but you need to say something xxx

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  3.  
    • Zoe.L66
      CommentAuthorZoe.L66
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Yeah I agree with the kids will be kids she doesn't really understand the whole a wedding is about the bride thing i just wish h2b would back me up and explain it to her properly rather then trying not to upset her. Xx
  4.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    How is your relationship with her generally?
    Does she accept you?

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  5.  
    • Zoe.L66
      CommentAuthorZoe.L66
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Yeah we are fine. I still struggle a bit as I don't have children of my own but we do get on well xx
  6.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Then she probably doesn't want to be left out of anything. I don't think children understand sometimes that the world doesn't revolve around them, especially if they're an only child and spoilt.

    You need to have a good chat with your OH. His daughter, his responsibility, you can't tackle her behaviour alone x

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  7.  
    • CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
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    I actually think you are coming across bratty, she is a child, they will strop & try to get there own way!!
    This is your H2B's daughter, not some random child, you come across as if you hate her.
    My H2B has 2 children from a previous relationship, they have lived with us from the ages of 1 & 4, they are now 13 (almost 14) & 17, I treat them like my own. If my H2B heard me speak about them the way you have we wouldn't be together!!
  8.  
    • clair
      CommentAuthorclair
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I don't think you are at all! Yes children will be children and she dosent understand the 'brides day' thing. But you gave a rite to be able to rant lol! I'm sure people have children that drive them mad every day! Don't worry about sounding 'bratty' or like a 'bridzilla' you just need to and and get this off you chest.

    But I do agree with the others, if it is usetting you this much you should really try and speak to you oh and see is he can talk to her about it. Xx

    Members signature icon
    Started going out with my Gorgeous man 7/11/2010
    Got engaged on the 21/9/2013
    became mrs Thornton on the 2/8/2015
    our wedding day was the best day ever :)!
  9.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    @mrsrobinson I think that's a bit harsh. The younger children are the easier that are at accepting new people, at 1 and 4 kids would hardly notice that is anything different.

    But at 9 kids understand and try to push buttons, and if you don't have kids, having to parent someone else's kid is hard. Not wanting to step on the mum's or even your husband's toes.

    He needs to set his daughter straight that he loves her and she's his number one but the wedding day and honey moon is about you two. And he will bring her something special back from it.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  10.  
    • Zoe.L66
      CommentAuthorZoe.L66
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    @mrsrobson2be that is pretty harsh I'm not evil step mother I love her to bits just when it comes to her strops I don't know how to handle them if it was my own child I'd imagine I'd sit them down and talk to them properly to help them understand but I only came into her life when she was 7 her behaviour was set its not something I can have a influence on really. Pretty upset by what youve said really I already hate myself for get stressed.
    I'm trying my hardest to include her I've asked her to read a poem I've told her she come help pick my dress, I bought her a present to ask her to be my bridesmaid, I said she can help plan the hen night and she helped to write the guest list so I far from hate her!!!
  11.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    @mrsrobson2be maybe a little bit harsh. I agree with Whovianbride2b that your step kids were very young and didn't have behaviours yet firmly set. They were at a stage when they are still developing strong family bonds which you came on scene at the right time for them to build a strong bond with you. Zoe.L66 step daughter is 9 and is on the cusp of being a teenager. She has her social bonds firmly set and expects things to stay the same.

    Zoe, like I said, she is not far from being a hormonal teenager, this is not an excuse by any means. She's likely not being bratty but just starting to realise her Dad is marrying a woman who is not her mother and that means things are changing and you have a part of her father that doesn't include her so she is trying to shoulder in a bit to make herself noticed. You need to make sure you OH sits down and talks with her that just because he is getting married doesn't mean he loves her any less, in fact in means she gets more love from more people as she will have extended family through his new wife. He will still have alone days with her but he also needs alone time with his wife too, especially if you are wanting to give her siblings.

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  12.  
    • Emmilou82
      CommentAuthorEmmilou82
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
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    Victoria

    Just remember she is only 9 and I agree, she is maybe realising that her dads attention is on someone else and not just her.

    Members signature icon
    Marrying 'The One' on 30th July 2016
    I am now Mrs Emma Stokoe xx

  13.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    You are NOT being a bridezilla. As much as she needs her Dad's attention, there are also boundaries. It's hard for children when their parents split, but unknowingly needing attention can turn into manipulation. She will KNOW what a honeymoon is, and she KNOWS a wedding is about the bride and groom, and she KNOWS that she's pushing yours and your partners buttons. She isn't being bad, she's 9, and doesn't want to share her Dad. You can make her feel included in alot of your day, but she doesn't need to control it. I have been in this position with my husbands daughter (she's now an adult). My husband gave in to her alot, as he felt guilty about the way she was behaving, but he did eventually address it, by not giving in to her (as it was not getting any better, and you can end up feeding her behaviour), but still making her feel included in SOME things. It is hard for young children, but it's down to us to help them xx
  14.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
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    she is displaying classic behaviour where she will subconsciously be not wanting to share her dad " why does dad have to spend time just with you ...."
    having said that she is not three and old enough to be talked to, i think you need to say to her dad if he wont make things clear for her then you will .. do you get on with his parents , could they speak to her , ...what about her mum ? any chance of approaching her.

    things do need to be made clear to her so that she knows where she stands, with her dad dodging the issue how can she come to terms with things .

    one idea could be that you plan a family holiday with her ...so she has something to look forward to apart from your wedding.

  15.  
    • Zoe.L66
      CommentAuthorZoe.L66
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    @clairenina thank you I'm so glad someone else has been in this situation!! When she's good she's really good and we get on amazing but she knows how to work her dad and OH will do anything to not upset her.
    He said today he doesnt see why his little girl cant come on honeymoon with us what difference will it make having her there I was speach less at him even suggesting we take a child on honeymoon I wouldn't want my own kids there if I had any.
  16.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    OMG ...... why not suggest that parents come too

  17.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I would explain very carefully to him that if he relents on something as personal and intimate as a honeymoon (I understand some parents want their kids there but obviously yours was planned differently) then he is not only compromising his relationship with both his wife but also feeding the belief that his daughter will always get what she wants if she huffs enough which will only cause bigger issues later.

    Relationships are about compromise though so like Lala suggested maybe start planning a family holiday together so she has something to look forward to. Maybe something along the theme parks idea and tell her she gets to plan the whole thing.

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  18.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
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    i see children at school who are never said no to at home ....we have real problems when they realise they cant just do as they please

  19.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    I know what you mean. I have quite a few nieces and nephews (no kids of my own yet) and the difference is obvious with how one of my siblings allows their kids to get whatever they want after a tantrum. The whole "okay, if you behave I'll buy you this" tactic which really grates me as I feel this teaches a child they just have to have a tantrum and break their parents will to get what they want and its just a house of yelling.

    Whereas my other sibling is more like my Dad who was pretty much of the belief good behaviour is not earned through bribery but expected and would just say "You want to have a tantrum, fine, have one but you're not getting anything from it" and after they have calmed down will be asked "what could you have done differently?" And amazingling my niece who is 4 actually responds with "asked nicely and listen when you say no". She still doesn't get what she wanted because that defeats the point that she shouldn't expect treats but value them when they are given. As a result she is a well rounded happy child who very rarely gets into a tantrum and her parents hardly have to raise their voices... then I spoil her when she comes to see me. But I'm an auntie so I get away with it ;)

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  20.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
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    OMG!
    Whilst some people are happy to take their kids on honeymoon not everyone does, especially if the kids aren't the biological kids of either of the bride or groom!

    Hope you can sort this out.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  21.  
    • Zoe.L66
      CommentAuthorZoe.L66
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    We've told her our next holiday after the honeymoon will be Orlando for her so she's excited about that so if she'd mentions not going on the honeymoon il try to change the subject to the next holiday. I'd ideally like to conceive a sibling for her on honeymoon now I couldn't do that if she was there. Xx
  22.  
    • clair
      CommentAuthorclair
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    When she brings it up maby just say to her it's a boring adult holiday and she won't enjoy it any way. Then change the subject quickly to Orlando maby even start planning the Orlando holiday with her? Them she will feel involved with that and might even forget about your honeymoon. X

    Members signature icon
    Started going out with my Gorgeous man 7/11/2010
    Got engaged on the 21/9/2013
    became mrs Thornton on the 2/8/2015
    our wedding day was the best day ever :)!
  23.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Oooo Orlando, that's where we're going for our Honeymoon! (we are big kids at heart)

    I agree with Clair. Start getting her focused on planning what you're going to do in Orlando organising what parks to visit first and what rides, where are you planning to eat etc? Does she want to go to Bibbity Bopity Boutique and be made up into a princess of her choice?... Tell her she needs to find out about "The Hidden Mickeys" when she goes there. I have no idea what this is but if you ask a "Cast Member" they will help her find them apparantly.

    Also have her watching videos about the rides on [email protected] etc. She'll soon forget about your honeymoon.

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  24.  
    • Zoe.L66
      CommentAuthorZoe.L66
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 14th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    That's a great idea about getting her to watch YouTube videos on Orlando she's obsessed with YouTube so she love that! ! Xx
  25.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 15th 2015
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      edited
     
    bloody hell, bit harsh mrsR? im sure you are the perfect step parent and have never been frustrated once in your life with the other kids? i know my step daughter can drive me insane sometimes as she is spoilt and has been brought up wrapped in cotton wool etc. but just becuase we get frustrated doesnt mean our husbands should leave us lmao. kids test us and we are only human!

    the hard thing with step kids, is i would tell her straight if it were my kid and she would deal with it whether she liked it or not. my husband for the longest time tiptoed around her because like yours he was terrified of upsetting her. but hes learnt abit from me now. just because you say NO to a kid, does not mean you are being mean or horrible, and you should't ever have to bribe them or offer choices. If you want them to do AB or C then they are being told they are doing AB or C lol....

    I am painting a bit of a bad picture, but she isnt a bad kid at all, shes just very used to getting her own way lol and has been mollicoddled, i cant be doing with kids that fall over and cry for about 45 minutes because some simpering parent is encouraging it. They both just get told to get up, i ask them if any body parts have fallen off, no? OK, you're reet carry on. (and before anyone starts, you KNOW when its serious, a grazed knee is naff all) mine on the other hand hahaha, she is a proper handful, but they both know not to push their luck lol. Firm but fair!!!

    i can absolutely see why you are frustrated, and your husband needs to explain to her what a wedding is about, and when she is older she may get married too and that day will be her princess day, just like this one is yours. or maybe try comparing it to a birthday, i cant imagine many 9 year olds wanting to share their bdays lol

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  26.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 15th 2015
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    id hit the roof if bringing the kids on honeymoon was suggested lmao

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  27.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 15th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    When we got engaged, hubby's daughter kicked off because he asked me without her being there, then when it came to chosing dresses, whatever I showed her she did not like, I got fed up in the end and just got a dress, my daughters did not even see it, they saw it after I purchased it. Then on the day apparently all she moaned about was that she wanted a dress like the MOH's dress and not like the one she had. Well hard blooming tough!!! I incorporated them all in other areas though, they sat with us at the top table, they were all included in the first dance etc etc.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  28.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 15th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    step children are a mine field lol

    we need a hand book for this sh1t hahaha

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  29.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 15th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Yep ^^^^^^^^

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  30.  
    • Zoe.L66
      CommentAuthorZoe.L66
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 15th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Yes a step parent handbook would be amazing. She is most of the time a good kid it's when things are new I think the fact she has to eat at the table and take her shoes off at the door and doesn't get to watch Disney channel all day were massive issues at first but now are a way of life. So this wedding I imagine is all very new and weird to her atm I hope she's accepting of everything by the time the wedding comes.
    I'm so glad I posted this for about a year now everyone I've got stressed with her or thought I really can't be bothered with her I've felt like a monster but turns out I'm only human yey xx
 
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