Wedding Forum - Wedding ruled by 9yr old...

Really didn't want to rant but I knew h2bs little girl would start going in a huff about things she's in a huff she's can't come on honeymoon, she's in a huff she doesn't get to come to the romantic candle lit dinner day after the wedding, she's in a huff she doesn't get the champagne breakfast day after the wedding, she's in a huff the room we've booked is the bridal suit with jacuzzi not a room with a separate area for her.

Yes i properly sound like a spoilt bridezilla but I really have no patients for her when it comes to being bratty about my wedding. It's mine and Terry's day and Terry won't dare even explain to her she's not coming on honeymoon he just keeps changing the subject when she asks. I tired to give her a important job to make her feel part of it by reading a poem at the ceremony but all she said was I want to pick a poem not me.

Stressed. What do I do?

Xx

Yeah I agree with the kids will be kids she doesn't really understand the whole a wedding is about the bride thing i just wish h2b would back me up and explain it to her properly rather then trying not to upset her. Xx

Yeah we are fine. I still struggle a bit as I don't have children of my own but we do get on well xx

I actually think you are coming across bratty, she is a child, they will strop & try to get there own way!!
This is your H2B's daughter, not some random child, you come across as if you hate her.
My H2B has 2 children from a previous relationship, they have lived with us from the ages of 1 & 4, they are now 13 (almost 14) & 17, I treat them like my own. If my H2B heard me speak about them the way you have we wouldn't be together!!

@mrsrobinson I think that's a bit harsh. The younger children are the easier that are at accepting new people, at 1 and 4 kids would hardly notice that is anything different.

But at 9 kids understand and try to push buttons, and if you don't have kids, having to parent someone else's kid is hard. Not wanting to step on the mum's or even your husband's toes.

He needs to set his daughter straight that he loves her and she's his number one but the wedding day and honey moon is about you two. And he will bring her something special back from it.

@mrsrobson2be maybe a little bit harsh. I agree with Whovianbride2b that your step kids were very young and didn't have behaviours yet firmly set. They were at a stage when they are still developing strong family bonds which you came on scene at the right time for them to build a strong bond with you. Zoe.L66 step daughter is 9 and is on the cusp of being a teenager. She has her social bonds firmly set and expects things to stay the same.

Zoe, like I said, she is not far from being a hormonal teenager, this is not an excuse by any means. She's likely not being bratty but just starting to realise her Dad is marrying a woman who is not her mother and that means things are changing and you have a part of her father that doesn't include her so she is trying to shoulder in a bit to make herself noticed. You need to make sure you OH sits down and talks with her that just because he is getting married doesn't mean he loves her any less, in fact in means she gets more love from more people as she will have extended family through his new wife. He will still have alone days with her but he also needs alone time with his wife too, especially if you are wanting to give her siblings.

You are NOT being a bridezilla. As much as she needs her Dad's attention, there are also boundaries. It's hard for children when their parents split, but unknowingly needing attention can turn into manipulation. She will KNOW what a honeymoon is, and she KNOWS a wedding is about the bride and groom, and she KNOWS that she's pushing yours and your partners buttons. She isn't being bad, she's 9, and doesn't want to share her Dad. You can make her feel included in alot of your day, but she doesn't need to control it. I have been in this position with my husbands daughter (she's now an adult). My husband gave in to her alot, as he felt guilty about the way she was behaving, but he did eventually address it, by not giving in to her (as it was not getting any better, and you can end up feeding her behaviour), but still making her feel included in SOME things. It is hard for young children, but it's down to us to help them xx

@clairenina thank you I'm so glad someone else has been in this situation!! When she's good she's really good and we get on amazing but she knows how to work her dad and OH will do anything to not upset her.
He said today he doesnt see why his little girl cant come on honeymoon with us what difference will it make having her there I was speach less at him even suggesting we take a child on honeymoon I wouldn't want my own kids there if I had any.

I would explain very carefully to him that if he relents on something as personal and intimate as a honeymoon (I understand some parents want their kids there but obviously yours was planned differently) then he is not only compromising his relationship with both his wife but also feeding the belief that his daughter will always get what she wants if she huffs enough which will only cause bigger issues later.

Relationships are about compromise though so like Lala suggested maybe start planning a family holiday together so she has something to look forward to. Maybe something along the theme parks idea and tell her she gets to plan the whole thing.

I know what you mean. I have quite a few nieces and nephews (no kids of my own yet) and the difference is obvious with how one of my siblings allows their kids to get whatever they want after a tantrum. The whole "okay, if you behave I'll buy you this" tactic which really grates me as I feel this teaches a child they just have to have a tantrum and break their parents will to get what they want and its just a house of yelling.

Whereas my other sibling is more like my Dad who was pretty much of the belief good behaviour is not earned through bribery but expected and would just say "You want to have a tantrum, fine, have one but you're not getting anything from it" and after they have calmed down will be asked "what could you have done differently?" And amazingling my niece who is 4 actually responds with "asked nicely and listen when you say no". She still doesn't get what she wanted because that defeats the point that she shouldn't expect treats but value them when they are given. As a result she is a well rounded happy child who very rarely gets into a tantrum and her parents hardly have to raise their voices... then I spoil her when she comes to see me. But I'm an auntie so I get away with it ;)

We've told her our next holiday after the honeymoon will be Orlando for her so she's excited about that so if she'd mentions not going on the honeymoon il try to change the subject to the next holiday. I'd ideally like to conceive a sibling for her on honeymoon now I couldn't do that if she was there. Xx

Oooo Orlando, that's where we're going for our Honeymoon! (we are big kids at heart)

I agree with Clair. Start getting her focused on planning what you're going to do in Orlando organising what parks to visit first and what rides, where are you planning to eat etc? Does she want to go to Bibbity Bopity Boutique and be made up into a princess of her choice?... Tell her she needs to find out about "The Hidden Mickeys" when she goes there. I have no idea what this is but if you ask a "Cast Member" they will help her find them apparantly.

Also have her watching videos about the rides on Y@utube etc. She'll soon forget about your honeymoon.

bloody hell, bit harsh mrsR? im sure you are the perfect step parent and have never been frustrated once in your life with the other kids? i know my step daughter can drive me insane sometimes as she is spoilt and has been brought up wrapped in cotton wool etc. but just becuase we get frustrated doesnt mean our husbands should leave us lmao. kids test us and we are only human!

the hard thing with step kids, is i would tell her straight if it were my kid and she would deal with it whether she liked it or not. my husband for the longest time tiptoed around her because like yours he was terrified of upsetting her. but hes learnt abit from me now. just because you say NO to a kid, does not mean you are being mean or horrible, and you should't ever have to bribe them or offer choices. If you want them to do AB or C then they are being told they are doing AB or C lol....

I am painting a bit of a bad picture, but she isnt a bad kid at all, shes just very used to getting her own way lol and has been mollicoddled, i cant be doing with kids that fall over and cry for about 45 minutes because some simpering parent is encouraging it. They both just get told to get up, i ask them if any body parts have fallen off, no? OK, you're reet carry on. (and before anyone starts, you KNOW when its serious, a grazed knee is naff all) mine on the other hand hahaha, she is a proper handful, but they both know not to push their luck lol. Firm but fair!!!

i can absolutely see why you are frustrated, and your husband needs to explain to her what a wedding is about, and when she is older she may get married too and that day will be her princess day, just like this one is yours. or maybe try comparing it to a birthday, i cant imagine many 9 year olds wanting to share their bdays lol

When we got engaged, hubby's daughter kicked off because he asked me without her being there, then when it came to chosing dresses, whatever I showed her she did not like, I got fed up in the end and just got a dress, my daughters did not even see it, they saw it after I purchased it. Then on the day apparently all she moaned about was that she wanted a dress like the MOH's dress and not like the one she had. Well hard blooming tough!!! I incorporated them all in other areas though, they sat with us at the top table, they were all included in the first dance etc etc.

Yep ^^^^^^^^