So basically alot has happened between me and my h2b.
I'm not really sure where we're at anymore.

He lost his job 5 weeks ago and instead of doing anything to ensure that he got himself a job it was all left down to me!
I spent my mornings, lunch breaks, night times constantly looking for jobs whilst becos he was "tired" he did nothing!

I ended up finding him a temp job for 4 weeks hours 6am - midday mon - sat.
Well this meant that he was even more tired and cudnt do a thing towards looking for a permanent job!

Nxt thing I know hes taking days off for no reason, hes lying to his boss and hes getting into rows.... (one of the reasons he lost his last job - i found out)

So nehoo he finally gets a job interview (becos of me) and started a permanent position yday!

However on wednesday last week he took out a credit card without me knowing. (background info is that we're already in £17k worth of debt)
And becos i was allowed into his email acc to email job apps off - on friday i noticed that hed got it!

So i confronted him about it and he blaintenly lied and said no.
I said i knew he was lying - and he then said to me "well i applied and i got turned down"
I once again said he was lying so he sed "ok so i got it but i havent got the card yet"
I wanted to see if he was still lying so i said "well how did u pay for this wen uv got 66p spare?"

And the truth finally comes out!

But thats not the worst of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I noticed over the weekend that he was spending loads.... so i (and i know i shudnt of but i just didnt trust him) checked his online banking and hes racked up £240 worth of debt ALREADY on thsi credit card!
AAAAAAND £50 of it was when he withdrew cash!!!!!!!!!!!!

So i thort id give him a chance last night to come clean.......

last night he told me that he had £36 on his credit card but also went OFF IT with me for not trusting him!

So basically my frame of mind atm is that this wedding just aint going to happen, and im really sorry to moan on here, but my dad is my boss and hes very much TEAM h2b!!! and i just have no1 to talk too!!!!!!

:(

as a side note what did he spend 240.00 on ??

your not going to like what i say but i have to be honest
how can even considder marrying this person when hes lying to you,spending money you dont have and basically treating you like shite,,£17,000 in debt!!!! sorry hun but your priorities should be trying to clear that before you even think of tying the knot

how did he even manage to get the card with 17k debt! i have a couple of defaults bout 400quid max and i cant get one for love nor money! u need to get him tocut the card up! how are you suppose to pay for a wedding with that amount of debt you wont be able to hun u need to sort this out x

Sorry Hun but I would agree with Tiggs, it's exactly what I was going to say to you!!!

You can't marry someone who doesn't know how to tell the truth. Lying will tear you apart and as you have said above you dont trust him anymore because of the lies. I think you really need to sit down and think about this long and hard!!!

Big hugs xx

hes not earning anything is he ....money, trust, love,respect

thats exactly what im thinking
it was only sheer luck on my part that i managed to guess his log in for the credit card thing - otherwise i wud have no idea how much hes spending on it!

last night we did have serious words and honestly he brought me to tears with his constant point of "its none of my business what he does with his money"

my point was that it is cos this is a partnership and everything is shared at the end of the day.

basically last year we were paying out too much to laods of diff companies so we got a loan (im the lead name) to collaite it all together and pay off a reasonable amount each month!
we've been paying off that and been able to save up enough to get married.

but (and this was the other thing thats really got to me)
becos i had 2000 more debt than him and he took it on, he feels hes entitled to 2000!
the deal was (before we got engaged) that we'd save up cos he really wanted a lil run around car so we started saving - but he proposed and we both agreed to save up only for the wedding! yet he brought up last night that he still feels entitled too 2000!

basically im waiting for this months bills to be paid (still waiting on a cheque from that temp job) and then im honestly thinking of leaving!
i just cant do it nemore!
my body is shot cos of all the stress im under - im gettin headaches galore and i dont feel i can go out nemore cos he makes me feel sh*t about it!

thing is tho wen i go out - i save up my personal money for a month or so, so ive got enuff
he jst puts his on the credit card!!!

x

bloody hell hun! this doesnt seem the time to be planning a wedding at all! yu dont trust him coz you keep finding things that stop you trusting him and then he goes off on one i dont think so!!!!!! i would not be happy 1 bit! big hugs you need to sit down and ask him what the f is going on!?!?! xx

the thing is his debt was like unpaid credit cards, unpaid phone bills etc - mine was an actual loan that i took out cos i needed a private operation!

so when I (not him ME) sorted it all out i was the one who made sure all his creditors cleared his name once the debt was paid off! so i was the one who got him back on track!

and hes the one whos just went n dun it all aagin!

hes using it to bet on a gambling website as well - which actually counts as cash - and as u all know cash from a credit card - its interest is astronomical!!!!!!!!!

i dont even wana be in the same room with him atm let alone marry him!
xx

oh god hun! not good my ex hub was a gambler hated it i loathe fruit machines now! as well as betting websites! :0( was a horrible time in my life! thankfully i woke up and got rid of him for my daughters sake we'd have nothing now if i hadnt xx

no no the loan i had was with the company i had my operation with. i got a loan with my bank with a MUCH better interest rate - so it was the right idea at the time!

my ex left me in a lot of debt too - u wud think i wud of learned!

(btw ne1 on fb plz dont say owt)

but yeah hails i may need that info if we do split up!!!!!!!

thanks girlies i know ur all here for me!
ive been talking about it more n more to my mum - whos been amazing! she thinks that i shud bite my tongue until this months bills are paid (no point leaving myself in a worser position that if i left it a week) then once thats dun, i shud just sit him down tell him everything - that i dont trust him etc etc and say that right now i dont think its working between us.
and if he wants to go and not work at it then so be it!

but if he does then i guess im going to have too work out whether i can forgive all this and move forward.

atm i cant really see that happening!
i cant get over how my fiance can lie to my face!!!!!!!!!!

x

im not very strong tbh!
i dont really know how to kick sum1 out of my life!!!
defiantely going to have to find a way tho!
xx

thanks everyone!
i just needed to rant and basically here that im right in thinkin that what hes doing is wrong
cos my god! he certainly doesnt seem to think so!
xx

Anytime babe.
Whatever you decide we are all here for you babe

hun i think youv known for a long time that this man only thinks of himself,and if im honest hes selfish,only thinks of his needs not yours,if it was me id of left long ago,like hell would i allow a man to treat me like that,you deserve so much better then that.do you honestly think hes going to change,i dont,hes done it before and hes doing it now and he refuses to see how selfish he is,hes not worth it hun

Ive pretty much made up my mind now like!
Just gotta put it into action and leave him!
I just cant do it anymore!
x

thank you girlies xxx

have u got somewhere to go..will ur parents take u in hun??? xx

Yeah me parents will take me in, but that will only be a temp thing reckon id go insane living bk there!
All my mates keep saying to be "ull find sum1 better etc" but in all honesty my exs have went from bad to worse! obv its not a reason for staying with him im just saying i find it hard to believe!

im going to come clean with him next week (once bills r paid) that i know about his credit card and he'll go off it but i did it becos i dont trust him and that alone shows me that i shudnt be with him!

unf we have to give 2 months notice on our rented house so no doubt ill have to pay those bills - but i think the wedding fund so far will cover them!

xx

nic.ur worth so much more than how he's treating you hun!!!!!! and he seems to be turning into a pr!ck like his mum eh ? lol

stay strong, chin up and y ou will move on ..it will take time and it will be hard !

we're all here for u!!!!!!

xx

You know you sound just like I did a few years back only now I have the best man in the world. He hates debt. (all of our wedding is being paid for in cash from the money he has saved over the years) He loves me for me and supports me through everything. He is my rock and for once in my life I have an equal rather than me having to babysit them! Things do get better. You just have to start by working out what you want from life and the things that make you happy. Once you sort that out the rest will fall into place. You can stop things like this from happening again by having self respect and not taking second best. If they don't live up to what you want then you move on until you find what you are looking for. If you ever want a chat then I'm always here to listen. x x

It sucks!
My mate from manchester has invited me to go and stay with her for the weekend so at least i can get away and have a good think!
Cos its not just breaking up with him thats ahrd, its the fact that his family n friends r from down south so he has to either work out how to live on his own or leave his job and return bk down south
Im actually kicking sum1 out of their life!
x

tbf hun, its not your fault though...he shouldnt have been so bloody selfish as to go down this route in the first place..its HIM thast got you both into this mess, HIM that applied for the credit card and when folk ask just say "ask him" etc x

Keep your chin up hun!! No matter what you decide it has to be right for you!!! xx

hun iv just been thinking,you said youv already got a wedding fund,make sure he cant get his hands on it!!