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  1.  
    • AnikaM60
      CommentAuthorAnikaM60
      Got married 34 months ago
      Posted: Jun 19th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Me and oh planned to have a very small wedding (weve just had a baby and ive been made redundant). Ohs family were really offended by this and said we needed to do certain things a certain way (cultural reasons). We explained we were having a wedding that we could afford but they assurd us they would help and we needed to do things bigger. So now were having a bigger wedding. Ive still been budgetting everything and keeping costs as low as i can but now im so annoyed. Ohs family have contributed nothing at all. Its just my parents who are helping. Ive been spending my savings and oh has taken on household bills ect. But im now spending more than i wanted to. We asked for some money to go towards the venue deposit but was told they couldnt help us! I told oh we should go back to our original plan and they would just have to be offended before we end up with a wedding thats more expensive than we bargained for but he doesnt want to upset his family.
  2.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 19th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Well if they said they would help then you need to get them to stick to their promise.
    Other wise you need to lay it on the line to them point blank and tell them you can't afford the wedding they want and you are having your wedding the way that you want.
    I'm sure there will be some deposits that you might lose but I. The long run it may work out better to go back to your original plan.
    I think a wedding is one of the very few occasions in life when you need to forget about people pleasing for the most part and be selfish.
  3.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 29 months ago
      Posted: Jun 20th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Have what you want and what you can afford. the only people you have to please are you and your OH.

    If they have said they will support financially and now backed out of that then there isn't a lot you can do.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  4.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 20th 2016
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    Oh my god, how rude! Why is he more worried about upsetting his family than upsetting you and putting you both under so much more financial strain. I think I would tell them that you can't afford this big wedding after looking at your budget and that you will have to downscale. If they get offended, tell them you tried doing it their way, but seeing as they now don't appear to be able to contribute, like they said they would, you have no other choice but to keep it small as originally planned. Cheeky whatists. Makes my blood boil stuff like this.

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  5.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 30 months ago
      Posted: Jun 20th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    i agree with velcro hun, that's what i would do in this situation. this is the reason me and h2b have told everyone we are paying for the wedding, if they want to contribute then that would be fab but we have planned it out so we know we can pay for everything ourselves as with some people you just never know if they will stick to their promises.

    sorry to hear your having all this extra stress, hope you get it sorted x

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  6.  
    • FutureMrsW
      CommentAuthorFutureMrsW
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 20th 2016
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    Yes you really do need to put your foot down - it is not fair for your and your H2B to be put under so much pressure financially and potentially getting into debt because of family's wishes overriding your own.

    Luckily, by not supporting you financially as they said they would, they have given you an out. Go back to your original plans and explain you just couldn't afford to do a bigger wedding. Good luck :)




  7.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 30 months ago
      Posted: Jun 21st 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    you should have the wedding you want, they have had their turn and now it's yours, i understand the pressures to keep family happy but the only reason you changed plans was because they agreed to help, if they have gone back on that i think it's fair that you can go back on the agreement to change plans x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  8.  
    • AnikaM60
      CommentAuthorAnikaM60
      Got married 34 months ago
      Posted: Jun 23rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanx ladies. It took me a while to reply because every time i thought about it i was annoyed all over again. Oh is going to speak to them this week. Im already prepared to downscale. Planning this wedding seems to be so much about navigating other people feelings. Its so easy to get lost under everyones opinions and feelings. Now i know why people elope lol.
  9.  
    • AnikaM60
      CommentAuthorAnikaM60
      Got married 34 months ago
      Posted: Jun 26th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Just an update. Oh has now spoken to his parents and theyve said they cant help. To add insult to injury they also added that if we scale back we may as well write them all off and that if oh had a better job we wouldnt need help for a big wedding! Im thinking something else must be going on because theyve never acted like this before in all the years ive known them. Its so out of character and quite horrible of you ask me. Either way we will have to loose a few deposits and they will just have to get over it.
  10.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 26th 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    What a horrible thing for them to say to their son! He must be gutted. I think you need to have a good chat with your OH and explain how proud of him you are that he works hard so he knows he has your support. Then you can go on to talking about scaling back the wedding to within your means and have the day you really wanted in the first place. It sounds to me as if his parents wanted to show off to other people how lavish day it could be and now that can't happen they're throwing their toys out the pram. X
  11.  
     
    Shocking behaviour, but that's weddings for you - really brings out the worst in some people. I would say that if they are not willing to help you financially to achieve the wedding that they want then they have no say. I've been married before and had a lot of problems with my mum over how the wedding should be. Ultimately it's yours & OH's day, you are paying for it and you should be in control of how you want your day to be.

    Members signature icon
    Met: 2nd September 2012
    Engaged: 3rd January 2015
    Wedding day: 2nd September 2017
  12.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 26th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Animal that's awful. I'd say call their bluff as they really are not deserving of an invite if that is what they think.

    On the bright side at least you now get the wedding you want with less interference x
  13.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 22 months ago
      Posted: Jun 26th 2016
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    Yes I think you are right that there must be something else going on- perhaps they have got themselves into some sort of debt and are too proud to admit it which is shy they are being rude about the whole wedding.

    I would scale it back and forth what you and OH want :-)

    Members signature icon



  14.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 29 months ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2016
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    That sounds very fishy. Definitely something going on there I would say.

    Have the day that you and your OH want and enjoy what you want to xxx

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  15.  
    • SvitlanaG
      CommentAuthorSvitlanaG
      Posted: Jun 28th 2016
     
    OMG! What a rude behaviour!
    Do what you want to do and what you can afford, don't spend all your savings. If his parents want you both to have a big wedding (I call - fussy wedding) so, please, let them spend their money for it - NOT you.
  16.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 30 months ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    how awful i bet your oh was so hurt by their words, i hope he is ok. it also sounds strange to me especially as you have said it's out of character, maybe something else is going on but there is no way they should of spoke to/about there son like that.

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  17.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2016
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    Omg how very rude of them, what does it have to do with them what job your h2b has! He could be bloody loaded and you might still want a small intimate wedding

    Our wedding turned my inlaws into psychos as well, though I suspect they were always awful people; this just brought it out in them magnified! We were told it wasn't just our wedding, it was the families wedding and they should be involved, which woudl be fair enough if I hadn't actually tried to involve them. But your patience begins to wear thin when everything you suggest/show them is wrong/not traditional/they don't like (Showed my invites to MIL and asked which paper I should use and instead of helping pick, she simply said, Oh I don't like these at all) Kicked off about the bridesmaids dresses more than once, kicked off about colour choice of suit - dad won't wear that, so we stuck with grey, kicked off about the candy cart saying we should cancel it (glad I didn't bother to tell them about the photobooth, they were confronted with that on the day lol) why were we having a hot buffet, should be a sit down meal, why aren't we inviting all their friends (What friends?! - plus more than 70% of the guest list was their family)Kicked off that I wasn't providing transport (it was all in one place and the hotel I was staying at was literally over the road from my venue so I walked it lol - then I later found iout they came in a limo, meaning H2B had to scrap his plans for meeting his friends before the wedding - we got married at 4 and he really wanted to see his friends before hand, but they really wanted their enterance) Kicked off because I wouldn't let MIL2B pick out the centre pieces, I was holding back saying, no H2B hasn't had any input in this at all, he needs a say! But apparently that was me throwing it in her face. Kicked off that we cut back on costs by not having table wine - no we must cancel the candy cart instead! £100 was not going to save anything whereas almost a grand in table wine would (venue alcohol and corkage was scandalous) Kicked off when I 'didn't invite' MIL to go flower girl dress shopping (granddaughter) when I have messages which prove to the contrary, but when I tried to argue my case I was branded a liar. During the ceremony she sat there with a face like a slapped backside, then left partway through because apparently SIL couldnt deal with her crying kid on her own. We didn't see them at ALL during the reception, they sat at the back somewhere sulking haha and moaned later that they werent happy with the wedding because apaprently my familiy didnt make the effort with them. Excuse me but what? They just tried to ruin it from start to finish, but never mind that, MIL was SO upset I didn't involve her in the planning. BELIEVE ME HOW I TRIED!!

    They still haven't seen the wedding photos. They aren't even in many of the pics anyway, and all they would do is sneer at them. They weren't interested in the day, so why should we offer to show them the pictures, they've shown no interest in any of it other than to criticise, they have not had one positive thing to say about the day post wedding, so call me petty, but I didn't see the point in going round saying OH WE HAVE PICS WANNA SEE?! (not that I have actually spoken to them since the wedding day lol)

    Wow. Sorry for totally derailing your post, horrible inlaws is abug bear of mine, I hate to see other people experience them too

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  18.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 30 months ago
      Posted: Jun 29th 2016
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    wow velcro thats awful, i dont blame you for not taking them the photos i wouldn't either

    Members signature icon
    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  19.  
    • AnikaM60
      CommentAuthorAnikaM60
      Got married 34 months ago
      Posted: Jun 30th 2016
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    Omg Velcro that is crazy! Weddings really do bring out the worst in people! They must know you have pictures by now anyway. Even if they didn't an interested person would ask if you've had them. Anyone would think the MIL was the bride the way she was acting. Completely crazy.

    I really hope my doesn't go in that direction because I can only hold my tongue for so long in these situations. We've not heard from his mom since. I kept messaging his aunt and she wasn't responding to any messages till today (it was whasapp so I could see she was reading and ignoring them). I actually wanted to see if she would like her daughter to be a flower girl alongside our daughter but I didn't even bother asking when it came to it. I'm just going to leave them where they are. OH isn't ready to speak to them yet which is so understandable. We're just going to keep planning as we are. If they want to be involved in planning they can contact me. It seems wen it comes to weddings a lot of people behave like children and expect you to keep running around after them for their involvement. It's stressful enough without family making it worse
  20.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 1st 2016
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    Oh yeah they do know, his dad came round not so long ago kicking off about something else unrelated and during his tangent said and we've not even seen the wedding photos yet bet all her friends and family have! We've not seen any of the pictures he took either, didn't see him offering those out to us to see - but they are never in the wrong lol. I'm pretty sure MIL wanted it to be her day haha. At the start of it I said 'oh i don't know anything about weddings' she must have been rubbing her hands together in her head thinking it could be her little project, but she seemed to forget I'm an adult with a brain hahaha

    You just carry on as you are doing lovely, when you can't do right for doing wrong in these kind of situations just do what you want. Either way you are gunna get grief lol and yes you are right it makes them behave like children! Spoilt little bleeders at that lol

    Sorry for totally weighing in on your post haha. Good luck with the rest of your planning! xxxx

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
 
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