Wedding Forum - Wedding nightmare...

Me and oh planned to have a very small wedding (weve just had a baby and ive been made redundant). Ohs family were really offended by this and said we needed to do certain things a certain way (cultural reasons). We explained we were having a wedding that we could afford but they assurd us they would help and we needed to do things bigger. So now were having a bigger wedding. Ive still been budgetting everything and keeping costs as low as i can but now im so annoyed. Ohs family have contributed nothing at all. Its just my parents who are helping. Ive been spending my savings and oh has taken on household bills ect. But im now spending more than i wanted to. We asked for some money to go towards the venue deposit but was told they couldnt help us! I told oh we should go back to our original plan and they would just have to be offended before we end up with a wedding thats more expensive than we bargained for but he doesnt want to upset his family.

Have what you want and what you can afford. the only people you have to please are you and your OH.

If they have said they will support financially and now backed out of that then there isn't a lot you can do.

i agree with velcro hun, that's what i would do in this situation. this is the reason me and h2b have told everyone we are paying for the wedding, if they want to contribute then that would be fab but we have planned it out so we know we can pay for everything ourselves as with some people you just never know if they will stick to their promises.

sorry to hear your having all this extra stress, hope you get it sorted x

you should have the wedding you want, they have had their turn and now it's yours, i understand the pressures to keep family happy but the only reason you changed plans was because they agreed to help, if they have gone back on that i think it's fair that you can go back on the agreement to change plans x

Just an update. Oh has now spoken to his parents and theyve said they cant help. To add insult to injury they also added that if we scale back we may as well write them all off and that if oh had a better job we wouldnt need help for a big wedding! Im thinking something else must be going on because theyve never acted like this before in all the years ive known them. Its so out of character and quite horrible of you ask me. Either way we will have to loose a few deposits and they will just have to get over it.

Shocking behaviour, but that's weddings for you - really brings out the worst in some people. I would say that if they are not willing to help you financially to achieve the wedding that they want then they have no say. I've been married before and had a lot of problems with my mum over how the wedding should be. Ultimately it's yours & OH's day, you are paying for it and you should be in control of how you want your day to be.

Yes I think you are right that there must be something else going on- perhaps they have got themselves into some sort of debt and are too proud to admit it which is shy they are being rude about the whole wedding.

I would scale it back and forth what you and OH want :-)

OMG! What a rude behaviour!
Do what you want to do and what you can afford, don't spend all your savings. If his parents want you both to have a big wedding (I call - fussy wedding) so, please, let them spend their money for it - NOT you.

Omg how very rude of them, what does it have to do with them what job your h2b has! He could be bloody loaded and you might still want a small intimate wedding

Our wedding turned my inlaws into psychos as well, though I suspect they were always awful people; this just brought it out in them magnified! We were told it wasn't just our wedding, it was the families wedding and they should be involved, which woudl be fair enough if I hadn't actually tried to involve them. But your patience begins to wear thin when everything you suggest/show them is wrong/not traditional/they don't like (Showed my invites to MIL and asked which paper I should use and instead of helping pick, she simply said, Oh I don't like these at all) Kicked off about the bridesmaids dresses more than once, kicked off about colour choice of suit - dad won't wear that, so we stuck with grey, kicked off about the candy cart saying we should cancel it (glad I didn't bother to tell them about the photobooth, they were confronted with that on the day lol) why were we having a hot buffet, should be a sit down meal, why aren't we inviting all their friends (What friends?! - plus more than 70% of the guest list was their family)Kicked off that I wasn't providing transport (it was all in one place and the hotel I was staying at was literally over the road from my venue so I walked it lol - then I later found iout they came in a limo, meaning H2B had to scrap his plans for meeting his friends before the wedding - we got married at 4 and he really wanted to see his friends before hand, but they really wanted their enterance) Kicked off because I wouldn't let MIL2B pick out the centre pieces, I was holding back saying, no H2B hasn't had any input in this at all, he needs a say! But apparently that was me throwing it in her face. Kicked off that we cut back on costs by not having table wine - no we must cancel the candy cart instead! £100 was not going to save anything whereas almost a grand in table wine would (venue alcohol and corkage was scandalous) Kicked off when I 'didn't invite' MIL to go flower girl dress shopping (granddaughter) when I have messages which prove to the contrary, but when I tried to argue my case I was branded a liar. During the ceremony she sat there with a face like a slapped backside, then left partway through because apparently SIL couldnt deal with her crying kid on her own. We didn't see them at ALL during the reception, they sat at the back somewhere sulking haha and moaned later that they werent happy with the wedding because apaprently my familiy didnt make the effort with them. Excuse me but what? They just tried to ruin it from start to finish, but never mind that, MIL was SO upset I didn't involve her in the planning. BELIEVE ME HOW I TRIED!!

They still haven't seen the wedding photos. They aren't even in many of the pics anyway, and all they would do is sneer at them. They weren't interested in the day, so why should we offer to show them the pictures, they've shown no interest in any of it other than to criticise, they have not had one positive thing to say about the day post wedding, so call me petty, but I didn't see the point in going round saying OH WE HAVE PICS WANNA SEE?! (not that I have actually spoken to them since the wedding day lol)

Wow. Sorry for totally derailing your post, horrible inlaws is abug bear of mine, I hate to see other people experience them too

Omg Velcro that is crazy! Weddings really do bring out the worst in people! They must know you have pictures by now anyway. Even if they didn't an interested person would ask if you've had them. Anyone would think the MIL was the bride the way she was acting. Completely crazy.

I really hope my doesn't go in that direction because I can only hold my tongue for so long in these situations. We've not heard from his mom since. I kept messaging his aunt and she wasn't responding to any messages till today (it was whasapp so I could see she was reading and ignoring them). I actually wanted to see if she would like her daughter to be a flower girl alongside our daughter but I didn't even bother asking when it came to it. I'm just going to leave them where they are. OH isn't ready to speak to them yet which is so understandable. We're just going to keep planning as we are. If they want to be involved in planning they can contact me. It seems wen it comes to weddings a lot of people behave like children and expect you to keep running around after them for their involvement. It's stressful enough without family making it worse