Not sure what category to put this into as it would fit into a few, however as its just me feeling very desperate "help" seemed as good a place as any. Its probably going to be a long post, so apologies in advance, i have a lot going on in my head.
A bit of background, my mum died when i was 8, my dad never remarried of met any one else. For many years i didnt have contact with a lot of my family, i went into foster care and then into a hostel and fell pregnant at 16... there was a woman who was a close family friend who helped me while i was pregnant with my daughter, her husband was the vicar who performed my mums funeral and they are going to be at the wedding and perform a blessing for us. Which is lovely. However they now live a long way away so we dont get to see them very often at all. I have in recent years reconnected with some of my cousins but not really had much luck with my aunties, other than those who live abroad. I guess what i am trying to explain is how i am feeling a distinct lack of female reletives who can help me when it comes to wedding dress shopping (well not rally shopping coz am getting the dress made, but i still need to try dresses on to get an idea about shape and style, check what i want will suit me etc). Sure i have friends i could ask, and mil2b is awesome and will of course be coming with me, but i am really feeling the lack of female family. In all honesty, i want my mum. The thought of trying on dresses and her not being there kills me. I am feeling it so much more than ever now. I knew the wedding day itself is going to be hard, but now am terrified, dont know how i will ever get through it and manage to hold myself together when i cant even think about trying a dress on!! I know when i get ready and look at myself in the mirror i am going to want my mum so much! How on earth am i going to be able to deal with it. I feel silly in my head, because i think its not like i havent had enough time to get used to the idea, she has been gone 17 yrs! Its not like i have grown up expecting her to be there or anything.... but thats just not helping me!
I can organise the decorations, rings, venue, food etc i can discuss all that with h2b and get excited about it all..... but the one thing that i am finding hardest of all, the one thing that i feel so alone with and am scared about and struggling with, the one thing that i would really need him beside me, is the dress and he cant be there!!
I keep crying, every time i try to think about it, even when i am trying not to think about it...... I dont know how i am going to get through this!! I end up sobbing and it achieves nothing, all i get from it is a headache!
I know there is nothing anyone can do to help me, i have spoken to h2b about it, he has had many wet shoulders this past week with my crying..... so no point suggesting that :( I am just hoping maybe getting it all down in writing and being able to maybe hear peoples thoughts without them being able to see my reaction might help me, i dunno..... like i said i am desperate.
CommentAuthorEmsy5000
Thats really hard honey. what about girlfriends could they not come out with you. where abouts are you someone on here who might be able to come with you to help and give opinions.
Dyslexic
its spelt wrong
I No! I Now! I Know!!!!!
I am NOW MRS LONSDALE!!
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
Yes i have girlfriends that could come with me, but i dunno..... just no one that really stands out for me if you get what i mean? I dont want to just settle and regret who i pick, and i dont want to ask someone and upset someone else...and i really want someone who has known me forever, who i am close to, who knows me inside and out and who loves me and respects my opinion etc..... I dont have anyone like that, i want a mother figure, i want my mum....and there is no one.
CommentAuthorEmsy5000
that's really hard what about your mil2b
Dyslexic
its spelt wrong
I No! I Now! I Know!!!!!
I am NOW MRS LONSDALE!!
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
like i said, mil2b is lovely and will be coming with me.... There is nothing i can do, i have friends and future in laws all of which are lovely... i think i am just feeling lonely because i have no one to fill that "family" role if you get what i mean.....there is a big empty space.
This might sound totally cheesy or naff, But maybe take along a photo of your mum with you when you go and try dresses on.
It might make you feel a little more comfortable as if she is with you.
i think thats what I would do.
It must be really hard not to have your mum about. but she wouldnt want you to be sad because she isnt around. If she was around and she saw you like this she would give you a massive hug and tell you to have an amazing time on your big day, so do, and do it for her, she would hate the thought that you were upset.
Dont know if that helps at all, it must be hard.
Loves
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I don't have a mother to come with me either but I took the MIL with me and she was amazing. I did go to a few shops on my own to get an idea of what I wanted in my own head before I started hearing opinions from others. I always find Birthday's, Christmas etc highlight this but you have to remember that you are surrounded by people who love you. They choose to be around you not because they are family and feel obliged to but because they want to be there for you.
