Hi Guys... Wedding might be off. I don't even know if I want to get married any more, not to Neil any ways!

He was married before and has a daughter and son. His daughter come every Wednesday and Friday... ANd I feel like I after pretend all the time around her and be nice even if she does things I don't like... I am always scared of saying anything to her incase it cause a row with me and Neil. HOwever he seems to tell my sons if he doesnt agree with anything!

I mentioned it to him this morning and he did what I thought and started making out he does the same around my kids, however I know diffrent! His own bilogical son doesnt come to see him, and I get blam for that too. How ever it was Neils birthday in April and he saw his son, while we was in car waiting to pick Neils daughter up, ANd his son just walked past, didnt say Happy Birthday dad or anything.... Neil says it cause he as Autism, but he doesnt have it bad and I know that Autistic children are loving caue me nephew as it. HE just makes that as an excuse.

I just don't know what to do, all I know is I don't want to marry someone and then divorce later... I love him, but now so scared!

I told him we need to talk and I wasnt sure if we should marry, and why... And now its turned in to being my fualt and me making a big deal about nothing!

Firstly hun let me send some hugs your was as you are sounding quite distressed.

Now, the first issue, how you dont feel you can tell his daughter off when she is round and you have to pretend to be happy. Yes you need to discuss this with your h2b. Because if she is coming to your home and needs rules and dicsepline one of you need to do it, and you need to be consistant and work as a team. You should both be able to work together to ensure all the children, yours and his stick to the same rules in your home and recieve the same consequences if those rules are broken. This means that he can dicsepline your children and you his, parenthood is all about team work. What are relations like with his childrens mother? It always helps if you can all work together, i know its not that easy at time, i am lucky that me h2b, ex and his w2b all get on very well and work together to raise the children as best as we all can.

Secondly, i dont see how it can be your fault that his son doesnt visit, unless he doesnt like you or has had a run in with you in the past? But still wouldnt be your fault as such, sounds like he has some issues especially with him not saying happy birthday etc... Yes he may be autistic, but please dont expect the same from him as you have witnessed other children. Autism is a whole wide spectrum with many different symptoms and effects. Autistic children generally find it very hard to empathise with other peoples feelings and emotions, he may be otherwise high functioning but may not have registered it was his dads birthday, there is no way of knowing but to say its just an excuse is somewhat harsh and possibly if that is the way you see him, maybe thats why he doesnt visit? Autism is after all a very complex condition to try to understand.
How did h2b feel about his son not saying happy birthday? Thats whats important, not what you think. Sorry to sound harsh, but thats what i think.

If you are having second thoughts you definately need to sit down and have a chat with h2b, you have a while to go yet, but i think the main issue seems to be the one you have with his children, and they will be there for the rest of your lives so it needs to be sorted.
Good luck.
xx

Oh dear, I've nothing to add other than I hope you can work things out, have a hug xxx

do hope you can work things out hon. but it does not seem your fault at all

how old are the said stepkids? i am a step mum to a 5 yr old, got with his dad when he was 2, he has rules here but not at his home, and in my opinion his mum doesn't give a toss about him! she has married an is now prg with her 2nd child by him so my stepson doesn't get attention, i can understand if there older cause they already know right from wrong.
my suggestion is that he ( other half) contacts his son and meets up to have a chat about why he doesn't visit etc, and i think ur h2b needs to realise ur feelings on his daughter, me and h2b argue most the time when his son is here because he tries to push the boundaries knowing we have rules, certain things his mum permits him to do at home hes not aloud to do here and he won't listen to his dad so i have to tell him off! which makes the h2b think i'm always telling him off. stepkids is a hard situation to deal with. you need to know your boundaries! talk to him hun and just say u tell my kids off so i'm aloud to tell urs off if i feel they are wrong. maybe have girly days with his daughter and chat to her about ur expectations on behaviour and rules??

i can't really think of much else, hope u get all this sorted hun

xx

Ok Thank Blonmuma and everyone else. Its so hard to explain everything, Id be here all day lol... The children are Son 16 and Daughter 14! His son just wont speak to him, and we have tryed this in passed. I have even said for me to leave house or for him to take his son some where on his own! But is son dont wana know!

sounds like children have ruled the roost a little but at his age he is able to decide for himself if he wants to come to see his dad or not you never know what could have happened before you and your h2b got together or what has gone on behind closed doors ( so to say) i agree this is not your fault and you clearly need to speak to your h2b about the rules and how each child should be disciplined and treated the same xx

i have a daughter who lives with us full time and 2 step children (very long story on who stays and when they have different mums) but i maintain each must be treated the same, and if there not i'm 1st to point it out coz it does drive me insane things like that so i really do understand where your coming from on that xx