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Wedding Forum - Wedding Dress guilt :(...

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  1.  
    • MrsSwyft2B
      CommentAuthorMrsSwyft2B
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
     
    Hello everyone, Newbie here!

    Here's a little background. This may be a little long so sorry in advance.
    I booked my wedding on a whim a few weeks back. If I hadn't booked it I still wouldn't be married when I'm 50 because my fella is a complete procrastinator lol. It will be a very budget wedding. So I told my immediate family the news as they have been waiting for this moment since he proposed 6 and a half years ago and they want a party lol. We aren't a normal couple by any means. We aren't traditional. We don't want white or ivory at our wedding. My family knows this and we are often referred to as 'The Addams Family' lol. Our wedding will be slightly gothic, victorian-esque theme. Think Interview with the Vampire lol.

    I have been browsing dress designers online for a while I had seen a dress online from a bridal discount store which is quite a distance away. It was an off the peg dress selling for £300. It was ivory and even though I didn't want this colour the dress was lovely but I still was against having ivory. I didn't want to spend a lot on the dress as we aren't very well off so £300 was my kind of unofficial limit. I told my dad about it and he said to keep looking for a dress that I want and am happy with. He then said he would buy my dress when I decide on one. I told him that although the gesture was well received, he didn't need to buy my dress as he is struggling a bit financially just like we are and I was happy enough with him just being there. We debated a bit until I gave in. We are both stubborn. I have been very indecisive about what dress to have because I wanted a coloured dress. I want purple or black. I had decided that I would end up with a bridesmaid gown as coloured gowns are few and far between. However, my future mother in law and I went to a local bridal shop to look at dress styles to see what kind I liked. I ended up trying some on and there was this very whimsical, princess ivory gown that I tried on. It was close to the one I had previously seen online. Loved it and it was beautiful. I asked the price. It was £950. Then they pulled out this satin navy blue gown. I tried it and fell in love with it but didn't like the navy blue colour. They then told me they can order it in a custom colour. They can get it in purple! A proper bridal gown in purple! So I ask how much it is. There was no price on the label but she said she thinks its £650. Anyway, I told them I would have to decide and tell my dad as he was paying. Immediately after we left, I phoned my dad and told him. He nearly died when I told him the prices because he was expecting dresses costing £300 like the one online. He came round my house with my step-mom to chat about it. I said if they would still like to contribute to the dress then I would pay half and they could pay the other half as the gowns are expensive. My step-mom said they would happy to pay fully for whatever dress I liked. They would like to see the two dresses (I couldn't take photos) so I have booked an appointment at the bridal shop so they can see me in the dresses on Friday. I have already sort of crossed out the ivory one in my mind because the price is a bit steep and it doesn't match the theme. But I am now overwhelmed with guilt. I only went to look at a few dresses and found the one I want! It wasn't intentional or anything. But there is so much guilt because I know their financial position and I never expected to find a bridal gown in the colour and style I wanted so I assumed that £300 would cover a bridesmaid gown in the colour I wanted. Everyone has said I don't need to feel guilty but I do. It's a huge sum of money. So yeah, I feel guilty at the cost of my wedding dress and I'm already stressed about this wedding. It sucks.

    Sorry for the essay and thanks for reading. Just wondered if anyone else has had the same thing?
  2.  
    • DanielleS0709
      CommentAuthorDanielleS0709
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I haven't but I imagine I'd feel the same way you do. However you offered to pay half and they declined so they must really want to buy it for you. I'm sure if they didn't have the money they wouldn't offer or maybe they will save up for it. You should tell them how you are feeling and if it makes you feel better paying half then tell them that and come to some sort of compromise

    Members signature icon
    21st May 2016 xxx


  3.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree with Danielle. Don't feel guilty.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  4.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Also, to

    Please have a read of the forum rules, check out the brides checklist and add your date to the wedding calendar, all at the top of the forum - if you have not already. 

    Enjoy the site!

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  5.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree, just say you'd be happier paying half knowing that they are having troubles as well as yourself and do not want to burden them with a figure more than they first thought.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  6.  
    • MrsSwyft2B
      CommentAuthorMrsSwyft2B
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
     
    Thanks for the advice everyone. I did explain my guilt to them but they told me not to worry. I prefer to give things to people and see them happy rather than receiving things. I was in a bad relationship before this one and whenever I was gifted money for birthdays, christmas etc I had to give it all to my ex so I had nothing. I do believe this may be the reason I feel so guilty about the dress. I don't receive things well anymore and I'm kinda hoping that when they are with me on Friday and see me in the gowns, my feelings will change. My dad is very stubborn and when he has made his mind up there is no changing it. Is £650 a lot for a wedding gown?
  7.  
    • DanielleS0709
      CommentAuthorDanielleS0709
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    No I don't think it is anyway. Mines was a lot more than that oops

    Members signature icon
    21st May 2016 xxx


  8.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    MrsSwyft2B, £650 is really reasonable. You could find one for half of that, you could also find one for twice, three or 10 times that. There's a dress for every bride and every budget, and personally I think that's a really good price if it's the one. xx
  9.  
    • Emmilou82
      CommentAuthorEmmilou82
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I paid £600 for mine and was thrilled at that price as it is beautiful....£650 is fine x

    Members signature icon
    Marrying 'The One' on 30th July 2016
    I am now Mrs Emma Stokoe xx

  10.  
    • MrsSwyft2B
      CommentAuthorMrsSwyft2B
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
     
    The ivory gown I liked was £950. I'm struggling to justify £650, let alone £950! I can see why it is expensive and why people would pay that much because it is fabulous. I used to think the prices were ridiculous when looking at pictures online, then I went into the bridal shop and saw them in reality and I now understand why. So I think £650 is sort of average for a gown then x
  11.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Mine was £600 too including the hoop. If it is the dress you love, you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Perhaps when you see your dads face on Friday when he sees you in it, you might forget about the price.
    I'm sorry to hear about your previous relationship but I don't think this should stop you from having the things you want for your current relationship. Perhaps consider all that time you didn't put yourself first and start treating yourself to the things you would like. X
  12.  
    • CharlotteK742
      CommentAuthorCharlotteK742
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    You shouldn't feel guilty as that is a really reasonable price for a made to order wedding dress. All in, mine has cost around the same amount as well and I am on a very tight budget too. My OH still thinks its a lot of money, but it isn't really when you consider the fact that you can spend thousands on a dress that won't necessarily look any better on you.

    If it is the perfect dress, in the perfect colour, then you have to go for it. Of course you need to make sure that your dad is definitely comfortable paying for it, and you can still offer to pay half. But if he does offer to pay the full amount, then he definitely wouldn't want you to feel guilty about it. So don't :-)
  13.  
    • MrsSwyft2B
      CommentAuthorMrsSwyft2B
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
     
    I feel kind of silly for feeling like this but it's the way I am. It's hard to put myself first with 3 kids (2 kids and my other half lol) but thanks for the kind words and advice. I guess it just means seeing what my dad says on Friday. Hopefully the guilt will disappear after that.
  14.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
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    It's a reasonable price, especially as it's unique as well. I paid £950 for mine but only due to a big discount, should have been £1500

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  15.  
    • MrsC2bee
      CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    When you go back to try them on could u try some of the bridesmaid dresses on too so you can see how u feel in them and then decide on which one is the one, I felt very guilty about mine as my parents paid and I was expecting £600-£800 and it come out at £1600!! So I went away thinking I can't expect that of them, but then got told it was in the sale and my parents were happy to pay any price as my mum also loved it so went back tried on again and ended up getting it and the headpiece and veil for less than the original dress price :) so go with ur heart not the £££ :)
 
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