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Wedding Forum - Useless bridesmaid!...

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  1.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    My so called best friend of 13 years was my first choice for one of my 6 bridesmaids she was in an unloving rship and was seeing someone else behind his back and constantly moaned too me about her unloving partner etc etc; as a best friend I was there for her HOWEVER since it's all gone out in the open with her new fella she hasn't bothered with me AT ALL! I've called her out on it sooooo many times and all she does is go on like her life's full of drama and it's all self made to be honest! BUT she's supposed too be my bridesmaid and she's not contacting me back with ANYTHING let alone anything wedding/bridesmaid related infact she's completely dropped me and all my plans since going public with her new man; what do I do? I'm sick of being polite my other 5 bridesmaids are all pulling their weight but she's making no effort and I'm getting soooooo annoyed!

    What do I do

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
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  2.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2015
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    Send her a email saying this.
    And if she does not lift her game I would not want her at my wedding, let alone be my friend.
    And this is coming from experience. My bff totally went off and did not give a care about us. Gave her easy to many chances.
    Not sure not even invited and is not my friend anymore.

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  3.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2015
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    It hurts though don't it? I feel really hurt and let down tbh; thanks for your feedback babe @whovianbride2b

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  4.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Maybe try and focus on your friendship rather than the fact she's your bridesmaid. It's worth keeping a friend (if it's worth it!) rather than loosing someone over something like a wedding. You've got 2 years before your wedding so you've got time to sort a potential bridesmaid out before anything major needs to be done on the wedding. Maybe she feels the pressure to have a successful relationship and is doing everything she can to make it work because she sees how happy you are and is feeling the heat to prove how good hers is? Just an idea :) Hope you get it sorted!

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  5.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Yes it's very hard, it broke my heart, but after a year now she had not even bothered to apologise or anything I realised I was fat more invested in our friendship than she was. I counted her in my top 5, I don't think she even rated me in her top 30.
    She had been my friend for over 10 years. And bestie for 7.
    But I now have better people in my life, I asked one of my other friends to be a bridesmaid instead, and it had brought is so much closer together. We meet up as soon as often , not even just for wedding stuff. She always includes my daughter, and I'm just so happy with my life. I sometimes think back to my old friend, but she was not the same person.

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    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
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  6.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Jun 10th 2015
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    I agree with owl u have 2 years before the wedding and for her to become interested etc its exciting for u bt it wont be for her for quite some time no matter how close u r 2 yrs is a long time to hear about your wedding. Harsh as that may sound our wedding talks can rly bore most ppl lol xx
  7.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2015
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    It's a tricky one.. even with 2 years to go I would still expect her to be showing some sort of interest in the wedding. A bridesmaid isn't supposed to just look pretty and turn up on the day, they're chosen to support you from day 1 of the planning process. I asked my girls 2 years in advance to be my bridesmaids and they've been very interested and involved right from the start - I'd expect the same from anyone else!

    I'd probably have a proper heart to heart with her, get everything out in the open and then see where you both stand. xx

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  8.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2015
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    Thanks girls!

    She's the one who told me she had better be a bridesmaid in a joking manor for years and years and now she is she just doesn't give a hoot; it's nothing too do with trying too make her rship perfect she was throwing herself all in before she got with him; my other girls who have various other busy schedules have still bent over backwards for me baring in mind I haven't really asked much yet because I'm doing everything myself; I don't just talk wedding stuff I've messaged her countless times for general chit chat and had NOTHING back xxxx

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  9.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2015
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    With an attitude like hers I'd sack her!

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  10.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2015
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    Sorry, just sounds to me like she's actually rather self absorbed and selfish.

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    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  11.  
    • michgib
      CommentAuthormichgib
      Got married 18 months ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2015
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    Well said idl
  12.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    That's what I'm thinking @InDreamland


    ***UPDATE***

    I sent her this last night...

    "Everything's rolling with the wedding now; I have tried too include you but had nothing back? So probably best if you and your other half come as guests; you're obviously unable to partake as I need you so it'll take a lot of pressure off you that way; I'll remove you from the bc list so ya don't get bothered by none of my wedding bcs ☺️"

    And STILL received nothing back!

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  13.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    She needed that sent to her to be honest, moans that she had best be one, then does not live up to it when she is. Hope you get a reply soon.

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    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  14.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    I'm a very hot headed person so too be honest I thought I was rather calm and polite?

    I genuinely feel so hurt and let down but you get too a point where you can only smack your head against a brick wall for so long before it starts to hurt if you get me?

    She blatantly doesn't care so maybe I should just move on? H2B said she probably won't turn up too the wedding anyway so a good idea she'll only be a guest cus that way if she didn't turn up it wouldn't impact on our day

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  15.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    And when and if the new relationship all goes t!ts up, wonder who she will run to?? I'm guessing you and swhe will expect things to be the same as they were.

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    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  16.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    That's EXACTLY what my other bridesmaids have said; because they didn't get together on innocent terms either;

    Yes im angry but I won't divulge the details as I'm not like that at all but you get the gist of it

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  17.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    Also the only problem is I now have a space for a bridesmaid too be filled; I've got someone in mind but don't know how to approach it as I don't want her too feel like an option rather than a priority which is exactly how it looks!

    Goshhhhh never realised getting married would be so stressful lol

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  18.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    I know you have a space but do you need to actually fill it and just leave it with the ones you have?

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    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  19.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    I'd be tempted not to fill the space with another bridesmaid. If you wanted someone as a bridesmaid enough then wouldn't you have asked them from day one, regardless of how many you had?

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  20.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    This way I'll be left with an odd amount of bridesmaids and left over bridesmaidy things the only other thing I can do is chop another one but that's gonna be super hard arghhhhhhhh I don't know what too do

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  21.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    I wouldn't worry about having an even number, that's not important. I'd hate to be asked to be a bridesmaid knowing I was just asked to make up the numbers. Could you sell the spare bridesmaid stuff?

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  22.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    The odd/even thing really bothers me as I have really bad OCD amongst other things and even numbers is one of my "things"
    Yeah I know exactly what you mean I feel stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea
    And no not really cus they're fully customised too MY wedding because I'm doing 99% of stuff myself it's hard to explain lol
    Basically I'm making my own flower arrangements and I've done 6 ready for my 6 girls except now I don't have 6 girls

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  23.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I'm so with you on the OCD thing, I have to have even things..... Even when it's eating something, I have to eat an even amount in both cheeks, I know, I'm weird ;)

    The other problem is, are you asking a bridesmaid for the hell of it? Failing that, why don't you wait until this blows over because you wouldn't want her thinking she's second best and just being asked because of your useless friend!

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    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  24.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    I do get the OCD thing as I'm the same with certain things, but I wouldn't feel comfortable asking someone to be my bridesmaid just to bump up the numbers. If you truly and genuinely would like her to be your bridesmaid then I think you would have/could have asked her at any time, and by asking her at a time when you've just sacked one of your bridesmaids, it really does look like you'd be asking her to make up the numbers.

    On the flip side, you can't relieve another bridesmaid of their duties either just so you can have an even number. Would be very harsh considering they've already been asked and not done anything wrong.

    Hope you manage to sort it.

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  25.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    I'm the same with eating as well @owlandthebutterfly
    I also smell every mouthful before I eat it and deconstruct everything before eating it amongst loads of other crazy things lol

    Only bridesmaids are aware of this situation and of course you lovely lot!

    Such a stressful time I'll just have too see how things man out too be honest; speak too H2B tonight and see what he thinks about it all one of my bridesmaids I was forced too pick anyway so maybe see about removing her? I dont know ill just see how things go

    Anddddddd BREATHE lol

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  26.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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      edited
     
    I would be very careful about removing someone if you've already asked them and they've done nothing wrong. It's like giving someone an invitation and then deciding to take it back. I would wait it out for a little while and let things settle - you've still got time on your side so don't need to make any rash decisions :)

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  27.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    If you want to add then add theres no harm bt maybe wait closer so u dont have the same problem again... i added a bridesmaid in (i only have 2) but i didnt do it from the start. It was budget i needed to wait n see if i cud afford the extra expense
  28.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    Who new it was all so stressful ay?
    I'm one of these people who loves and needs everything planned forever in advance that's why I'm so panicky lol blame it on being a Virgo haha!

    Gonna focus on all the positives I've got at the moment and forget all this crap for the moment I think and see how I feel in a few months thank you all for all your help; I'd of had a meltdown without you all!

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  29.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    Sometimes peeps love being asked as an extra. Some of my guests were thrilled to be upgraded.

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    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  30.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    I'm sure she would be thrilled to be asked, but by waiting a little while maybe it will seem more like you really want her to be a bridesmaid and less like you're just trying to fill numbers. Good luck!

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    18th June 2016
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  31.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    That's what I was thinking @glitterfairy I've asked all my bridesmaids (my sister in law was told without my permission or wanting her as one) at different times if they would be a bridesmaid and all my choices were completely over the moon with being asked

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  32.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    The indirect abusive FB messages have started now blatantly aimed at me; maybe it's a good job she's gone if she can be so immature

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  33.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Definitely a good thing you are shot of her! That's why she's not a bridesmaid anymore lol

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    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  34.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    Exactlyyyyyyyyyyy

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  35.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    Seems like a good move!

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    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  36.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    maybe if she responded to you rather than posting shite on fb things would have ran smoother lol. she sounds like an idiot.

    novelty of her new relationship will wear off soon and she'll come running back *rolls eyes*

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  37.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    She sounds like a right troll. I bet if you posted on her status asking if it was aimed at you she's the sort of idiot that would say "No," as well.

    Good riddance! xx
  38.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    Myranny, I think so too

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    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  39.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2015
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    Sounds like she needed that message good and proper. She's no loss.

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    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  40.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    Thanks girls!

    @Velcro that's 100% true but I won't be here by then I'll have moved in with my life

    @Myranny yeah she's deffo the type 100%

    Still hurts though

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  41.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    She is just such a nasty person by the sounds of it you should count yourself lucky you're shot of her now.

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  42.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    Yeah she is she was NEVER like this before just since being out in the open with this bloke makes me wonder if he's a bad influence of any kind he seemed lovely when I met him; we live 300 miles apart now since she moved away but we were constantly texting/ f timing/ w-apping etc; then soon as they go public POOOOOF this bs starts

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  43.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    It's very odd. Could it be its him controlling her?

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  44.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    i had an ex (my daughters dad, sadly lol) that on the surface was the nicest guy ever, but behind the scenes he was an ar$e hole. he would make ME look the like the d1ck in public, to make himself look goodf. for example, he didnt want to go somewhere, instead of being an adult about it and just saying ''no'' he would tell his mates ''nah, she wont let me'' despite that he would actually come and go as he pleased, but if I did it, bloody hell. i was under house arrest at all times. i wasnt allowed to see my friends, he'd forcefuly take my money., push me around physically. and the reason i wouldnt leave him was 1. i wasn an idiot. 2. i was young and didnt want the 'i told you so's' we too got together on slightly dodgy circumstances too. i hated him and he made me miserable. BUT like an idiot I stayed with him and even had a kid with him. all because of my own pride!

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  45.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 12th 2015
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    also it was the ''nice guy'' attitude that sucked me in in the first place lol.

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    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  46.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
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    I did wonder that tbh but I don't think it's that at all I think it's just her being a stuck up cow cus she believes she's better than anyone now when her circumstances are far from perfect; she's just changed completely; I had a severely dangerously abusive rship that I only just made it out of so deffo know the signs so dont believe it's him tbh I genuinely believe it's her; the status' on FB aimed at me saying I'm jealous of her rship and I've cut her from a main day in my life becaue I'm jealous and I'm this and that etc

    WHAAAAAAAT?!?!?

    She did this not me; just trying to move on now tbh 13 years is a long long time

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  47.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
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    Oh dear, as long as you're sure it's not him but her.

    You'll find it gets easier to deal with over time, I've lost close friends in the past because they upset me so much but it took a long time to be shot of them because I was holding onto how we were so close in the past.

    Saves you space and money at your wedding too xxx

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  48.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
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    Yeah I'm sure babe and it just feels raw at the moment like I won't ever feel any better about it
    Yeahhh i spose I can look at it like that that's how H2B sees it xxx

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
  49.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
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    Give it time, the closer you are the more its bound to hurt.

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  50.  
    • FutureMrs-B
      CommentAuthorFutureMrs-B
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Jun 13th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    You have too realise not everyone's got the same heart as you I guess
    Thank you for your kind words babe

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    He stole my heart -O2/O7/2O11
    He made my dreams come true -24/12/2O13
    I steal his last name -TBC
 
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