Help!! i need some advise as me and my H2B have upset the mother in law big time!!
she hand made our wedding invites and they were simply was not good enough to send out. I know hand made mean inperfections but there were spelling mistakes, she changed the wording and the quality was not great. she makes hand made cards and they are normally beautiful. My H2B had to tell her that we could not send them out and WW3 has broken loose. she is not speaking to use and have said how ungrateful we are. HELP!!! need some advise to fix this as i hate my H2B and my mother in law being up set
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Woah that's a huge boo boo!
Did u give her an example of your wording?
I think that you have caused a huge wound there tbh (sorry) and I'd never ever involve family in making stuff etc... I think u should give her time and I'd let h2b sort it out x
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorLillielill2B
yeah i did emailed her the wording and gave her a hard copy of what we wanted. she was meant to of shown us a demo before she made them all but didnt.
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Oooh dear well to be fair to you guys she should've shown u an example... What exactly is wrong with them though? X
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorLillielill2B
they were stuck on the wrong way, capitals where there shouldnt be, spelling mistakes, you could still see black lines where the guide line were for her to cut round, the lables were stuck on wonky the inserts were all different sizes.
I have writen a email to her but not sent it yet with a hand of friendship to see if we can get past this, my H2B has read it and think its a good idea
oh no thats a shame. im a bit of a control freak about things like that so i know how you feel. thats why ive done pretty much everything myself just in case. i think its great that you trusted her to do them in first place i couldnt! i think you should certainly send your email and make every effort to make up with her. im sure things will settle down before the big day. however if she is still being funny about it then H2B needs to deal with it as its his mum xx
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
My future MIL is making our invites, but the sample she has emailed us is really nice, and she 's going to send us a mock up before she starts on them. We're confident that they will be ok. It is a difficult one; I wouldn't like to have to say to her that they weren't good enough, but I think she'd be ok if that did happen. It may be that wording is key; make a point of saying how grateful you are for the time that she put into them, but that you really are looking for a professional standard.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorPrincess2be
I would send her the email hun and explain how you feel and the little imperfections you noticed. xx
CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
Fight for what you believe in!
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
yep send the email .. that way the ball is in her court
I really feel sorry for you as you have done nothing wrong. So many people have offered to make things for us, including a cake. I have made a joke of it to them saying I have seen lots of hand made things and I have never liked them, so would hate to offend them. (that's not to say I don't dislike all handmade things), it just avoided a tricky situation
CommentAuthorbeximo86
I'd send the email
CommentAuthorValentinaK
And this is why it costs a fortune to get stuff made for your wedding, you pay for someone to do it right, first time. Leaving things to family members is risky unless you can guarantee their work.
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthorEcoFreak
Owch yeah I couldn't send out invites with spelling mistakes! I see why she's upset but still, hopefully she reacts well to your email :)
CommentAuthorLauraM9144
awww such a shame and she was clearly trying to be helpful but totally see your side. think i would have gone with them though but maybe have put a label on the back saying :hand made by:............... so people knew who made them. but thats just me and i do understand why you just want everything perfect . can any of it be saved or reworked to make them usable? if not then just go with the e-mail and be honest im sure when she has calmed down she will understand. make sure she knows you appreciate her effort but that they just arent quite what you wanted :/ hope you get it sorted though nothing like a wedding to put strain on relationships!
One BIG day will lead to lots of little happy days !!
CommentAuthorsarah
Wow. Spelling mistakes are unacceptable in invites. If the absolutely can't be fixed I would send her a note letting her know that you really appreciated your efforts and all her hard work. Then I would get busy on the new invites.
CommentAuthorLillielill2B
I have sent the email and got a positive response back, were going to see her tomorrow night and see if we can get past this. With regards to the invitations i have managed to pull all the inserts off and reprint and stick. They are looking good but still loads to do on them. I just hope that tomorrow goes well and we can get this all sorted. I just don’t want to upset her any more.
what do we do if she says well give them back and ill do them again? I know she is going to want to go over each mistake again, how we can do this tactfully
CommentAuthorsarah
Have you corrected all the errors & are they ok. Redoing them would take a long time and you would risk similar mistakes. Could you work on finishing them together? It might be a good time to bond and a way to ensure they end up the way you want.
CommentAuthorsarah
edited
opps... thought I posted this in chinwag :(
EDIT- PLEASE TAKE THIS COMMENT TO GENERAL CHINWAG
MODS
CommentAuthorLillielill2B
H2B wants me and him to work on them together to get them right. I dont think she will want anything to do with it after all this but worried incase she offers lol. Aww so your going to be a Antie, is your H2B close to his sister? i would defently send a card but if your not that close maybe leave a gift for when the baby arrives. would you like to be closer?
CommentAuthorsarah
edited
So sorry for hijacking your thread with a the random comment, I thought I was posting in chinwag, but thanks for the advice :) I think the plan is great for how to deal with this going onwards. x
CommentAuthorLillielill2B
That's no problem Sarah.
we went to see the MIL last night and it didn't go well!! we have agreed that what is done is done and to draw a line under it but she made it clear she thought we were pathetic and even got personal about my family. As it stand we will move on but seeing her they way she was yesterday and hearing what she had to say really hurt me. its clear that our relationship will never be the same again and i feel like Ive lost a big part of my family. we were close before all this happened and i cant believe that she would think that we would hurt her just for the sake of it.
I do feel that she is being unreasonable and yes we hurt her and its never nice to hear that something you have clearly worked so hard on is not good enough but she said some really spiteful things and seems to of forgotten it our wedding day not hers!!
CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
I am so sorry your meeting never went well. Sometimes it is just best to pay to get exactly what you want unless ou are crafty enough to DIY. Hopefully in the next few days she will calm down and realise that it is nothing personal against what she had done but that for your wedding you have certain standards and expectations of how your day will come together. Maybe send a wee bunch of flowers to say sorry if you caused any offence and just to let her know that you are still offering a an olive branch xx
CommentAuthorEcoFreak
Aw I'm sorry it didn't go as planned! For me it's still the spelling mistakes that put it over the edge it's not like you just didn't like them and we're being deliberately mean! Definitely no reason to get personal about your family :(
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
That's a shame. It may be that you just need to give her some space. Have your parents met her yet? Perhaps you can suggest that you want the two sets of parents to spend time together and get to know each other, and create a fresh bond in that way. It may be that people of her own generation will have a better chance of smoothing things over.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorsarah
That's a shame that she made it personal. Does she often resort to personal attacks? It sounds like it is all about her and has very little to do with anything you said or did.
CommentAuthorLillielill2B
we have tried the flowers and got told to take them back again. with regard to meeting my parents my mum passed away 5 years ago and my dad lives up north a few hundred miles away and has made it clear he don't want to get involved in the wedding (were not that close)
There are so many things i have tweaked in the wedding cause she didn't like or didn't agree. i have done so many things to try and make sure she is happy and thought she would be pleased with. Not because she is my MIL but because i cared about her and her opinion. i needed a mother figure as much as she wanted to be apart of this wedding and we were really close.
I bought artificial flowers for me and the bridesmaids and the button holes for the men she made it clear she didn't like artificial flower so i have now gone and ordered fresh ones.
I wanted to get my dress from china as its so much cheaper but she didn't approve of that so i said we would go dress shopping and have bought a dress over here that is more than likely 10 x the price i would of paid for if i ordered it from china.
hey have 15% of the guest list of guest they have invited and yet she has mentioned that we were planning a small wedding and now it getting silly numbers (64 day and 150 evening)
I have asked her opinion on every step of this wedding, invited her to wedding fairs at the venue, hair ideas, table decorations, I've introduced her to all my bridesmaids and made sure she is kept in the loop on all there plans.
They offered to contribute towards the wedding but we haven't taken any money as we want to pay for this on our own the only thing they have paid for was the invitations lol and she wanted to contribute towards my dress but hasn't done as of yet.
I am so angry that she has said that we dont care about her, my opinion of her has changed so much since this has all kicked off that i don't think i can just let this go. i have kept my mouth shut and let her be angry and upset but if this carry's on i think i gonna have to tell her how it really is.
This started out as a I've upset the MIL but is now something else and im the one who is angry and upset !!!
GRRRRRRRRRRRR
CommentAuthorLillielill2B
notices loads of spelling and grammar mistakes but i was typing angry lol
CommentAuthorNataleeM
aww hunny, im so sorry. You are in an awful predicament. BUt you cant send out invites that your not happy with just to please someone, i really hope you both find a way to sort things out between u 2. Have you offered her money for materials and maybe some flowers to say thanks alot for your time and effort but they just arent right for us. etc xxx
Can not wait until I marry the man of my DREAMS
CommentAuthorLillielill2B
Thanks NataleeM x x x
on the plus side i have managed to fix the invites, it has taken me all week taking them all apart and putting them together with new inserts etc... if we offered he money for the materials i think she would be more offended but that's what i feel like doing giving her money to cover here costs and say that ill be paying for my dress so we don't owe them any thing.
i just think it is such a shame that it has gone like this i feel like i have lost my family all over again.
CommentAuthorbrilly
I would maybe write her a letter or an email hun and explain what you have to us about all the things you have changed for her even though its your day. You may be to get more down in a letter or email than what you would saying face to face, maybe explain you have tried to do nothing but please her and never set out to hurt her by mentioning the invites and that you didn't intentionally set out to offend her. mention the invites have been corrected and hope you can get past all this like you said you were close before hand so maybe mention how shes made you feel with her hurtful words and that you hope you can both get past it. hope you manage to work everything out hun xxx
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
Deff send the letter ..do a sandwich one
Positive stuff ( thanks for all she has done etc) What your not happy about More positive stuff ( how much you view her as the mother figure in your life etc)
We tend to read and focus on the start and end of stuff !!!
