met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
well said hun! sod em!
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
edited
Naomi, It really is hard. I had 12 people saying they would defo attend my hen do on the Thurs morning and by the Fri morning, there were 4 for silly reasons like they had colds or had arranged something else despite being aware of the day for a month or two.
Being the other side of married life now, sadly , to some it's just a wedding, to you its YOURS and it's so important (which it is!).
You have to remember, some will want the glory but won't want to put the effort in. As long as you and your h2b are there, along with your family and close friends, thats all that matters.
xx
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthorNaomiH25
i just dont know how to 'demote' them without them kicking off again. they think they are doing bridesmaid duties without actually being bridesmaids... if you know what i mean?
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
I had just my MOH. Long story but I thought she was going to let me down and I asked 2 friends to be BMs about 3 weeks before. All 3 were there on my day and I couldnt have asked for more. One of my BMs couldnt come to my hen as she didnt have the money and I didnt mind that. Was just the excuses which when looked at were just "cba" excuses.
Just look at what YOU want. Explain how they are making you feel and give them the opportunity to redeem themselves. I nearly kicked MOH out and I'm so so glad I didnt as she was keeping her dad's illness to herself.
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
im happy with my choices and i know if i have a little talk on how i feel. they will gang up. they have ganged up before so nothing new. so i might just leave it till invitations go out and if they have a problem they can go question themselves to why its like this.
dunno if thats ideal? lol
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorShazk
Im liking that idea! Sadly yes weddings do bring worse out in people
I cant make my friends hen do as she live 3hours away and its only 3 weeks before the wedding but she totally understands that I cant afford the travel to both and the time of work and she has said she would prefer me to be at the wedding so that's what I will do.
If they dont want to share ur day then its there loss x x
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthormym72
I don't want to offend - but why are you inviting them to your wedding? Like you've said, they were your friends but by the sounds of it, you've grown up and moved on. This happens as you get older and become adult. I have a friend who I've been friends with for over 30 years but she wasn't my bm because I had a family only wedding and she understood that.
As for the rest of your 'friends' - I'd give them a wide berth. It sounds like you only see them anyway because of your mutual friend. By all means be her bm and her yours - but as for these others, you don't owe them anything and they don't seem to fit into your adult life so cut your losses, don't let them get to you with their petty, immature comments and don't invite them.
CommentAuthorNaomiH25
mym72, u have said exactly what was on my mind but didn't want to admit it to myself. Now to deal with the potential slagging match and backlash of the future :/ lol!
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorRosyF77
it seems to me that you may be best just leaving them behind love. They are not worth it. If they are not going to make the effort then they don't deserve an invite x
CommentAuthorKerrieM47
I would not have them there if that is their attitude xx
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
Naomi, seriously forget they even exist as its your wedding and the last thing you want is a load of strangers turning up moaning and bitching. I call them strangers as that's exactly what they are but you just don't see it yet. I think you are under the impression that childhood friends should always remain friends and while that's true in some cases, it isn't always. Apart from this one friend who you still like, do you have any other things in common with them? I think I can answer that myself- no. Let them bitch and moan, who cares? They are nothing to you anymore and they have probably proved that on countless occasions.
Go to the hen party or don't go, the choice is yours but personally I wouldn't go and it's purely because sitting in a room full of people who i no longer care about for any length of time is not my cup of tea. I don't like hen parties anyway at the best of times and I'm not afraid to say it these days.
Don't think you are obliged to invite them to your wedding just because you have known them a long time and were once close. Uninvite them it's just as easy as inviting them and if course they will bitch about it but do you honestly give a damn what they think? And you can still have a friendship with your friend without them being involved remember that. What's to stop you seeing her with them not around?
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
And another thing, as you are now a bridesmaid for your friend all you need to do is be there and be a bridesmaid and put up with that lot for just one day then that's it you don't even have to clap eyes on them ever again if you don't want to.
Delete them after her wedding from your Facebook, phone and whatever else and never worry about them. Tell her you really cherish her friendship but you can no longer put up with them and leave it at that.
CommentAuthormym72
CommentAuthorAmyK
I agree with the other ladies about no inviting these hangers-on, but before you do or don't do anything (I.e. not invite them/uninvited them etc) have an open and honest talk with your true childhood friend. If she is easily lead, as you said, then anything you do to upset the others may cause them to portray you as a total b*tch to her, and she may side with them without knowing your side of things. So get in there first, explain why you can't afford her expensive hen night (after all, she of all people should realise how hard saving for a wedding is!), that you want to be there for her and her there for you, but you've grown apart from these other people x
CommentAuthorAmyK
Another thought - do they really realise how they are acting towards you?
It might be worth an honest discussion with the group (after you've talked to your friend), then if they're sorry you can all make up and have them back as friends, but if they're not sorry then just bin them off
It's so childish for them to be like this just because you've moved away, grown up and moved on with your life. Maybe they need a wake up call to grow up themselves?
CommentAuthorNaomiH25
I have thought long and hard amyk and i have had this group discussion few years back even agreed honest opinions and feelings and expect it to be taken how it is, not to warp n twist it. i went ahead and had this open discussion but it ended up with them lot backing each other up and saying its ME thats changed and not wanting to know them.
i think by remembering that ganging up made me realise yes its me thats changed but iv grown up! i actually think they resent that fact! its a shame they cant accept me for who i am. just cos iv grown up doesnt mean iv forgotten them. they think differently.
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
Time to forget about them and move on :-)
CommentAuthorAmyK
Naomi, you have clearly tried your hardest with them... It'll be their loss, not yours, so ditch them x
CommentAuthorNaomiH25
i know. my next problem is, this childhood friend is my bridesmaid and im her bridesmaid. i now.. after asking her to be my bridesmaid, feel like its a mistake now. i dont feel right to be her bridesmaid either. i just dont know how to solve this without anyone taking it completely out of context or take complete offence by it.
i havent mentioned before but it is difficult to explain to them in my second language. they are deaf and rely on sign language. it is totally different to the english we come to know fluently. :(
*sigh*
cup of tea anyone? lol
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
If you have decided you don't want to be her bridesmaid and you don't want her to be yours then you should tell her now and get it out in the open rather than leave it until closer to the time. If you are having problems communicating with her then if I was you I would send her a card explaining your reasons for this. She might understand and in fact she might even feel relieved who knows!
CommentAuthorSiobhianS
have to be honest, if they were your true friends there would be no slagging off or bitching over ANYTHING in your lives (not just the weddings/hen do's). I dropped one of my bridesmaids because she turned bossy and rude and to be honest we are no longer firends because she took it badly and turned very nasty with it which made me see we wernt that good a friends in the first place. You need to think who you want there on your day, who do you want them memories with?? I would bomb them off if i was you, and start enjoying all the planning of your day :-) xxx
