Hi, This is the first time I have posted, and I guess it's not really advice I'm after, as I'm definitely going to do this. I just suppose it's support, or understanding from anyone else that may be in/has been in a similar situation.
So basically I'll try and keep this shortish (because believe me I could rant about this forever!!) But basically I am going to uninvite my sister in law to my wedding. We are getting married in October and I've never really wanted her to come, but she's my brother's wife and you just put up as they are "family". However, she's always been a spiteful, nasty piece of work - we have had numerous rows over the years. No one in our family like her and even her friends don't like her any more (their words not mine!) Anyway. there is A LOT more background than that, I just don't want to bore you, but I have always had this feeling that if she didn't at least say something spiteful to me on my wedding day (she has never said anything nice to me) that she may do something nasty...you know, trip with a glass of red wine type thing, but I was just preparing to keep out of her way. However, this weekend we had a big row and I feel it's just gone too far, it got too personal, not just bickering and she personally attacked me with all sort of names and accusations and told me that she hates my FH. So first of all, why would she want to be there if she dislikes us both so much, but second of all I don't trust her not to be plain nasty on the day.
The only thing that's really upsetting, is I used to be so closed to my brother and I just think he will feel he has to stand by his wife and also not come to my big day...It will leave a big hole, but I am certain this needs to be done. I am going to speak to my brother tomorrow and it makes me feel sick as i'm not a confrontational person.
Any thoughts? Anyone think they might do the same in my situation?
CommentAuthorRennie1989
Definitely have a word with your brother about it. I can understand that you don't want her there, believe me I wouldn't want someone like her at my wedding, and it would be sad if your brother won't come as a result. I suppose you won't know unless you speak to him.
I hope it goes well tomorrow.
CommentAuthorAna40
Could you maybe meet them both at the same time, so that there wont be any discrepancies in the future over what you have said? X
CommentAuthor~Beauty&TheBeast2Be~
Talk to your brother, was he there when she was shouting all these nasty things? Did he defend you or her, or is he stuck in the middle? It might be hard for him being stuck between his sister and his wife. I know your dreading it but like you said it has to be done, and i agree completely that you shouldn't have her there. It's your day. You shouldn't have the stress of her being spiteful and saying things behind your back.
See how it goes, what he says, maybe you might decide just to invite them to the reception not the actual ceremony? Or if you're brother could just come to the ceremony. If he loves and respects you enough he will try and be there in some form hopefully, if his wife hasn't got him on a too tighter leash!
Good luck for tomorrow! Let us know how it goes :) xxx
*..Embrace Your Dreams..*
~We're All Mad Here~
CommentAuthorbrilly
I would definately speak with your brother hun as to be honest I wouldnt want her there either. Its understandable he may want to stick by his wife but he is stuck in the middle so will do what he feels right, I would just explain you love him dearly and your problem is not with him but you cant have someone who dislikes you soo much share the most important day of your life x
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
I can understand why you wouldn't want her then as she sounds like a nightmare and you won't your day to be fun and not worry about what she may or may not do. I'd definitely say talk to your brother and explain to him - I'm guess he knows what it is like between you.
As Brilly said; this is probably a difficult situation for him but he will just have to do what is right. Maybe a compromise; ask if he'll come to the ceremony part then can go back to his wife in the evening or vice versa?
Hope it all goes well :S
Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
Fight for what you believe in!
CommentAuthorMrs henderson 2B :)
Sarah, I have a similar thing with my in laws and my H2B sister, over the years they have called me all names and accused me of loads of nasty things, they have tried to put a wedge between us big time. Bt I refuse to let them ruin the big day so I give my other half chances to speak to them but he didn't, so I took it upon myself to speak to them, they didn't like it. But I basically said they either respect me and do it for their son or they don't come to the wedding and have nothing to do with their grandchildren. That soon shut them up. I would speak to your brother first as if you are close he will surely understand. Bt if not then take it into your own hands with your sister in law.
Hope this is the support you were looking for?
Xx
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
Hun you are most deff not on your own here ....Mr lalas parents were not invited to our UK ceremony after she said some vile things to me " your children would be better off if you were dead ..." i had people on stand by to remove her if she did show up ..
Would your brother be happy if you spoke nastily to his wife? No. Then he shouldn't think it would be acceptable for her to be nasty to you. Speak to him, perhaps he can tell her to toe the line, and if she doesn't, then just let them both know she's not welcome
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
I think u definitely need to have a word! If ur brother had anything about him he should be sticking up for u no matter who he's married to as ur still his sister
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorHappyBunny
I would defo be speaking to your brother about her as AmyK says he wouldn't be happy with you being horrible to her so why does she get the right to be horrible to you? if you don't want her there then that is totally upto you and I wouldn't blame you but you do have to be prepared that he wont want to come if his wife isn't there, or that she may kick up a massive fuss to him if he wants to go without her. good luck hun xx
CommentAuthorSarahC903
Hi Everyone,
Thanks so much for your replies, it's made me feel so much better already. I spoke to my Mum earlier and she's being so great and understanding.
La La your message made me smile, I'd love to slap her lol.
I'll let you all know how it goes, but thanks again for the support, it's good to know other people are either in the same boat or understand where I am coming from! xx
CommentAuthorSJJ
@Lala HAHAHAHAHA brilliant!! ;P
Sarah let us know how it goes and good luck hun xx
CommentAuthorSarahC903
Well the deed is done! My brother is so much more brain washed by his wife than I thought, totally on her side about EVERYTHING and wouldn't listen to any sort of reasoning. I thought I'd get very upset but ended up just getting frustrated and angry.
When I told him she wasn't invited any longer, he said that she probably didn't want to come anyway, that she wouldn't let my nephew come, but he didn't say he wouldn't come. He also didn't say he would, he said he would think about what he going to do...so it's a bit of a waiting game, but I think he'll get a fair amount of pressure from my mum to come.
Well, I feel so much better now it's all off my chest, and although the arguing is not over by any means, I "happy" that I've been strong enough to do the right thing for me, my h2b and our big day!!
Thanks again everyone for your comments and support! Watch this space...
Xx
CommentAuthorAna40
Im glad you have managed to say your piece and sort it. X
