Hi ladies,

Apologies for such a long one but I need your advice!

I've invited a married couple to the whole day. I have know the man since I was a baby, (he used to babysit etc) & he's remained very close to my family since. I also know his wife, although not as well & didn't think it was fair inviting one without the other. However i havent seen or been in touch much in the last 6 months due to me moving counties. So...

I chased him up yesterday as I had not had his RSVP, he said he's sorry, but he's been really busy & verbally confirmed that he would be attending with his MISTRESS! He then proceeded to tell me that his marriage was breaking down & our wedding would be a good chance to 'spend some quality time with his new woman'!

I told him this is not a good idea & I am not about to help break up a relationship & she would not be welcome. He then proceeded to tell me that I was immature & had no realisation of what marriage entails. That he was going through a breakup & that I'm too young to understand (I'm 28 ffs!). He then proceeded to slam the phone down on me, so I thought, hey, one less mouth to feed!

This morning I find out he's spoken to my mum. He told her him & his 'wife' would be coming along & could she book him a room at the venue & order champagne & chocolates as they have been having a hard time lately! I told my mum this was his new woman, not his wife, to which she replied, ' it doesn't really matter does it?!'

Now me & my mum are arguing as she wants him there (&so do I, with his wife). She says he's like a father to me & entitled to be there no matter what & I'm being selfish! I don't want to upset my mum, but seriously...

Help! I don't need this 6 weeks before the wedding, what the heck do I do? Xx

as awful as it is i think if you want him there you should accept the fact that he is going to bring his new woman, sounds like he isn't going to bring his wife no matter what you say hun

its up to you at the end of the day but you need to decide whether you want him there or not.

I don't think he should be bringing this new woman until his relationship is well and truly over....I think the fact that he has told u mistress and the fact that he's told ur mum he's bringing his wife says a lot.... And this is involving lots of lies and manipulation! Tbh does he really know what marriage is if his is coming to a breaking point,I think it was very immature of him to say you are immature when ur just stating what u believe in!...I think if it were me I would have lost a bit of respect there ... I think u should tell him if his marriage is ending to come alone or not to come at all x

I agree, that is insulting that he is using your wedding day as a date. And to celebrate his adultery like that on a day where you and h2b are celebrating your love and commitment. I find this all so so wrong.

Well from what I gathered, they are still married. He said its breaking down but this could be a lie and the wife could be unaware of this. I agree though kel, I'd say come by yourself or not at all.

I don't think Id be comfortable with him saying he isn't bringing his wife, but his mistress, that to me implies he's still married and is having an affair. Fair enough the marriage may well be all but over - and wife may be aware of this, but even so that doesn't mean you should have to invite the new woman. You don't know her. If you don't want her there, or her presence makes you feel uncomfortable then I'd be simply saying, I'm sorry, I don't know the woman, I've never met her. She isn't invited however you are still more than welcome to attend.

Of course, if you don't particularily mind him bringing a 'plus one' regardless of who that is, then that is up to you. I think it depends on how tight you are on space and if there is someone else you could fill that spot with. Me and the boy are very tight on places, so from our point of view I wouldn't want someone there I didn't know and had never met, Id sooner either save the money, or bump an evening guest to day time.

Funny how he's telling you that you're the one who doesn't know what marriage entails yet he's the one having an affair!!

Surely if his wife knew the marriage was over he'd be calling this new lady his "new girlfriend" rather than his mistress!

What if he and wife worked things out at a later date - wouldn't he feel a fool that he had brought his other woman to your wedding. For him to be out at family & social events then that would indicate that things are well & truly over between them... Are they still living together?
He's putting you in a difficult place - what if his wife starts calling you & asking you things? If she's unaware of the other woman, she'd be hurt that everyone else knew before her...
It's a tough one hun - and for him to slam the phone down on you indicates that he's the one being immature

At the end of the day - it is your wedding and you should invite who you want.

If you feel like you are going to be uncomfortable with the mistress there then tell him politely once again he is not invited. What a cheek he has to say you dont know what marriage entails! If he causes a fuss, I would again say that you do not support adultery and do not want such people to be present at your wedding.

But yeah if it was me - he would be disinvited and maybe he can use that weekend to take his mistress on a hotel date of his own. Cheeky git!!!

I think it all ver wrong like been said teh word Mistress applies that he married nd ahving an affair so why would he want to bering that to ur wedding and upset possibly otehr as well well as you x

its ur day and u have who u want there bt DONT feel pushed into having him or the mistress there if he cant come on own (if doenst want wife there) then dont come simple as xz

I do like Katyas idea xxx

I agree with Katya's comments and think her idea is a good one. Flaunting a mistress at a wedding is not a brilliant idea, espcially as he has referred to her in that state.
its definately a difficult one and hope you can sort it.

Entitled?!?! Erm...NO! He making a joke out of marriage and is using your day as a convenience and a means to his own end... I'd speak to the wife and see what she says and yes if they are finished I still would not allow the 'mistress' (his words!) to come... It's not right and how your mum can't see tht is beyond me, no one is entitled to an invitation to a wedding!!!

Could you not state that the invite wasn't for him "plus one"? it was an invitation for her specifically?

You could say that you could add his mistress to the 'next list' and if someone else drops out she can take their place? Just other people are ahead of her in priority?

Friend or not, i would not allow him to bring his mistress, as it does sound like this mistress is his bit on the side and his wife does not know. However we don't know the full story behind it.
I would speak to his wife and then him and take it from there. YOu have had some really good advice from previous posts.

You must do what feels right for you though and don't fell pressured by anyone else to do something you don't want to.

I hope you manage to sort it and please let us know how you get on.

xx