So when we first announced our engagement my h2b asked a close friend of around 15 years to be a part of his grooms party and he gratefully accepted. Unfortunately since then (December 2015) we have seen him only a handful of times and only when we have arranged. He didn't bother to turn up to the stag party planning as he claimed he slept in and couldn't make it (it was at 1:00) but given it was only the stag party we didn't make a deal of it but then he "slept in" again when it came to getting the measurements for the suits which was booked for 12:00 and given that it is an important part of the wedding I feel he should have been there. With all that in mind I already doubt he will be reliable on the day but also considering our wedding is at 11:30am I struggle to believe he won't sleep in and not make it. What would you do? And if it means asking him to step down as a groomsmen how best to word it? Thanks in advance xx
When we met: August 2009
When we announced engagement: December 2015
When we will get married: September 2017
CommentAuthorMichelleC961
Hi,
Time for h2b to have a frank conversation and say he is concerned of his friends reliability as he has missed 2 important appointments to him - as you say, the wedding in 1130 so there is a good chance he could ' sleep in'
CommentAuthorNicoleW665
That's what I think, h2b is terrible with conflict though, he either comes across as really b*tchy or he hides away from it. I can't see him being there tbh, gonna have to have a think on how to have the conversation with him, thanks x
When we met: August 2009
When we announced engagement: December 2015
When we will get married: September 2017
CommentAuthorLoz K
I don't think he's proven himself to be worthy of being a groomsman. You can forgive someone for not arranging to see them as life does sometimes get in the way, but to miss appointments relating to the wedding and to even miss the stag do doesn't really show willing on his part. But ultimately it's whether H2B is prepared to look the other way and still include him despite the risk that he may affect the big day.
CommentAuthorNicoleW665
I think h2b would just ignore it and still have him as groomsman to avoid the conflict unfortunately, which means paying for a suit and meal for him which irritates me if he isn't even going to be there but I also think this one needs to be left to h2b to sort, it's his friend and his groomsman. One of the other rooms groomsman who couldn't get the day off work for the suit fittings is going Friday at 9am and asked the overseeing groomsman of he wants to join him. If he doesn't make that one then I will be drawing a line x
When we met: August 2009
When we announced engagement: December 2015
When we will get married: September 2017
If H2B isn't comfortable with conflict, arrange to see him and be there to support it and if he starts to come over as b*tchy step in. It really sounds like he is unreliable and I wouldn't trust him to show up on the day sleeping in till past 1pm is a very poor excuse (unless he has health issues then OK but your rearrange). This isn't going to be easy on you or H2B but its take action now or don't and you could both be stressing about it on your big day.
CommentAuthorNicoleW665
thanks, i agree with you. There is no health issue he just prefers to stay up late and sleep in. The stag do excuse was that he ate a dodgy take out the day before and it didn't agree with him. I will definitely want to be there when it's discussed as as much as he doesn't mean it h2b really can't get his feeling across in a calm manner :'). We'll see how this rearranged appointment goes tomorrow. x
When we met: August 2009
When we announced engagement: December 2015
When we will get married: September 2017
CommentAuthorNicoleW665
update: The groomsman didn't show up again today so i'm 100% ok with telling him to step down as groomsman now x
When we met: August 2009
When we announced engagement: December 2015
When we will get married: September 2017
CommentAuthorKathleenO17
That's rubbish Nicole but as you say he has plenty of chances now to step up to the mark so sounds like you are doing the right thing by telling him to step down.
CommentAuthorInDreamland
He definitely needa to either step down or just be given the elbow.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorMichelleC961
Yep agree- no excuse and def no place for him!
CommentAuthorNicoleW665
thank you everyone :) i just hate for it to reflect badly on h2b for having to tell him he no longer wants him included but hopefully everyone will understand why it had to happen. Up to now he hasn't even told us that he didn't attend the appointment so he clearly isn't interested x
When we met: August 2009
When we announced engagement: December 2015
When we will get married: September 2017
CommentAuthorEmilyK34
I read this with interest, as we're in a similar position! My h2b was best man at his best friend from school's wedding a few years back...and now the guy's expecting h2b to return the favour. Problem is, I can't stand him, haha! Not only that, but he never makes any effort to contact my h2b, and half the time doesn't even reply to texts that are sent to him! He lives on the other side of the country and in any normal situation, I think the friendship would be totally ditched. But h2b doesn't really have that many good male friends...
Our solution is to have two best men - this guy will do the speech, and the other guy will do all the important organisational stuff! I wonder if you could find a way of still having your problem grooms man involved on the day but not in an official capacity - something where he still feels involved but you're not so reliant on him? x
CommentAuthorNicoleW665
Emily, sorry to hear you have something similar going on as well, you'd think people you call friends enough to be a part of your wedding would dtep up. I believe it would cause friction on the day if he was to be called a "groomsman" giving that the other guys involved have put in so much effort and he has kind of had a free pass if you get me and that is if he even bothered to show.
H2B is going to try to meet up with him (later in the day to make sure he will be awake) and explain the situation to him x
When we met: August 2009
When we announced engagement: December 2015
When we will get married: September 2017
CommentAuthorEmily17
How did he get on Nicole?
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorNicoleW665
well h2b has spoken to him, the groomsman basically said his behavior was due to depression but h2b explained the situation and has said he understands that the wedding may not be working with his schedule so as much as we would still like him to be at the evening celebration of the wedding that unfortunately the suit fittings have had to go on without him and he can no longer be added in. He took it ok and says he understands. I have a feeling he may be as relieved as we are that he is no longer a groomsman.
Glad it's one less thing to worry about, thanks for asking :) x
When we met: August 2009
When we announced engagement: December 2015
When we will get married: September 2017
CommentAuthorEmily17
At least it was mutual,
It is so hard with depression. You so desperately want to be there to support people but it is like an anchor holding you back.
Will he not still be invited to the day?
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorNicoleW665
Unfortunately he has said he doubts he will be able to make it to the wedding ceremony and day time as it starts at 11:30 and he is struggling to be awake before 1:00 most days. Hopefully he will be able to get the help he needs. He absolutely has us their for him if he needs/wants it x
When we met: August 2009
When we announced engagement: December 2015
When we will get married: September 2017
CommentAuthorEmily17
Ahh I understand now. Sorry I did initially read it as you were only inviting him to the evening.
Such good friends to be there and support him!
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorStaceyH989
Glad you have been able to sort it Nicole and what amazing friends you are to stand by him. Just a quick thought has he been to the doctors if he is struggling to wake up he could be having issues with his thyroid maybe??
CommentAuthorNicoleW665
he possibly could do, next time i see him i may mention to him that it might be worth a docs trip
When we met: August 2009
When we announced engagement: December 2015
When we will get married: September 2017
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
Nicole did you get the groomsman sorted?? x
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorNicoleW665
ooh you're back! we did thank you all sorted :) it's a shame he won't be there but probably for best x
When we met: August 2009
When we announced engagement: December 2015
When we will get married: September 2017
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
definitely for the best at least you can have abit of peace of mind now and not worry about him! x
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorNicoleW665
hopefully he can still make it to the evening but no pressure either way now :) x
When we met: August 2009
When we announced engagement: December 2015
When we will get married: September 2017
