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Wedding Forum - Trimming the Guest List - Nightmare!...

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  1.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 17th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Is it just me, or is this literally THE hardest part of wedding planning?

    Our wedding invitations have arrived, and we are now re-visiting the guest list.

    Currently, we have about 80 guests, mostly adults, with about 9 children that will be having meals. Previously I had gotten this down to around 60 day guests, and 8 evening guests but somehow once my partner had a look we've ended up back at 80 with at least 5 children that neither he nor I have ever met.

    My partner is now having second thoughts about these 5 children that we've never met, thankfully. And seems to be considering moving some of his day guests to the evening. However, I have a big family and so I'm struggling to take anyone off or move them to the evening because 1) any of the friends I have invited are actually in the bridal party, because my circle of friends is quite small and 2) if you remove one cousin, but not another, things start to get tricky and into arguments between family members and tensions about why someone was invited when someone else wasn't.

    How has everyone else gone about picking their guests? My biggest dilemma is this; I have one cousin that I see out of 8. I think I've made the decision to simply not invite any of their children as the one cousin I see has said she would quite like a child-free day to drink and be merry anyway. It'll also save her about £60 on children's wedding outfits, so she actually suggested that I don't invite them. Great. I also fell out with her oldest sister 2 years ago, so she and her partner aren't invited anyway.

    This leaves 6 cousins. 2 are aged 10 or under so I assume that they have to be invited automatically as part of their parents' invite?

    Then of the remaining 4 cousins, 3 are siblings (a girl aged 15, and two boys aged 19 and 20, all living at home). I think that 15 is old enough that you do not require a babysitter, and aren't a child, so wouldn't be included automatically as part of your parents' invite? My mum begs to differ however. I personally wouldn't invite any of these 3, or would invite all 3 to the evening only as the two eldest drive and could bring their sister. My mum thinks I could not invite the 2 eldest boys but would have to invite the girl. What are everyone's thoughts on this? As background, the little girl can be quite the b**ch and I don't actually want her there because I know she'll be picking out things about my dress, and the food, what other people are wearing etc.

    The last 1 is the middle sister of the cousin I see and the cousin I fell out with. I have recently found out some things she has done, which I won't go into, but I was a little bit disgusted by her actions. She is very selfish, and this is the only person I feel would attend basically to get some free food and drink. We don't speak. I invited her to my hen do 3 times and she ignored me, and then told her sister 2 weeks after the "deposit deadline" that she wanted to go, rather than telling me. So I told her I'd add her onto the list. i've asked her for the deposit since 3 times and she's ignored me - is this reason enough to just say no, you're not invited? We don't speak, and you're not a child so... I don't know.

    I'd really appreciate anyone's input and of any of the ladies who have gotten married already or sent out their invites, did you leave anyone off the guest list that might be considered "close" family? And was there any fallout from this? Or did you leave people on the list that you didn't want there, and did you even notice them on the day??

    I don't want H2B to be the only person whittling people off or swapping them to the evening, but I also don't want to cause a bit of a falling out among my family, if you know what I mean? Help!!

    And sorry for such a long post... again xx
  2.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 17th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    For the day, just invite the one cousin you speak to.
    For the evening, the 3 that are siblings would come as a 3 or not at all.
    The one who is messing you about with the hen, don't bother. I assume as she's not paid you'll have to kick her off anyway?
    The 2 under 10, why don't you speak with parents as it may be they want a kid free zone too?

    When my aunt got married when I was little she had no kids ( apart from her stepdaughter), I was gutted as a kid but I think they just sent for a meal and a ****up so when my mum told me I understood.
  3.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jan 17th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Quite simply, if you really want them there because they actually mean something to you then have them all day, the rest either get an evening only invitation or none at all.

    If anyone challenges this simply say your wedding, you choose the guest list, it's not their business or place to comment.

    If it's down to actual space this can be said or if it's down to cost just say to parents who want others to be invited to pay themselves for the extra places.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  4.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jan 17th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    We had a no children rule with a few exceptions which we chose. Everyone respected that.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  5.  
    • SophieM401
      CommentAuthorSophieM401
      Posted: Jan 17th 2016
      edited
     
    R
  6.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 18th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I would invite the one cousin that you like and the 3 siblings to the evening only.

    The cousin who is messing you around with the hen I would uninvite to the hen as she hasn't paid and not invite to the wedding.

    The 2 younger children I would speak to the parents, say that another mom and dad has requested the kids aren't invited so they could have a child free night and you were wondering if they would want the same. Be prepared to have to invite these though.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  7.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 20th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks ladies. The mum and dad of the younger two basically don't do anything without their children. I think if their kids weren't invited there's every chance that they wouldn't come.

    It was my grandad's funeral yesterday, so I kind of used the wake (and who spoke to me) to gage what I was thinking already, and only 2 of my cousins even spoke to me SO I think you are right, and I'm going to invite my one cousin who I see to the day, the 2 children because otherwise i really don't think the parents will come and then the other 3 to the evening. And the hen do one is just... her and the cousin I fell out with sat down at a table at the wake and kept referring to it at the top of their voices as "the outcast table", so she's not getting an invite at all! Sorted :)

    Thanks for the advice. I just really worry with such a big family that if you don't invite someone, people get all upset, but most of them will never say it to your face, they'd go straight to my mum and upset her instead! xx
 
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