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    Hey ladies and gents!!

    So I went to my future in-laws tonight and told them my HTB and myself are viewing a wedding venue tomorrow, then started the discussion on who is on top table with myself and HTB. I told them we haven't even booked a place yet but was thinking my mum, dad, son, 3 bridesmaids, mother in law and best man. Then I was asked where HTB's nan was sitting, I said would be table 1 with my HTB's Aunt, my nan and brothers. Everything seemed fine, no more was said. Then my HTB got there from work and his mum pulls him into the kitchen asking why his nan isn't on the top table and his nan is feeling left out, so he said we will either get the venue to put another chair on the top table or kick one of the bridesmaids off!! Now I understand that his nan has done a lot for him and she is a major part in his life, but so has my nan. Then his Aunt would be sitting on her own and I just don't know how to figure this all out! His dad passed away and his Aunt is the only other family member he is inviting to the wedding besides his mum and nan. We are not getting married until 2019 so why they are bothering me about this right now is beyond me!

    I feel like I can't have his nan on the top table with out my nan, and if I say no his nan has to be on table 1 everyone will be majorly annoyed. I just don't know how I'd get round it.

    Any one got any advice or been in a similar situation to this?

    Sorry for the long post and thank you in advance x
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairyGot married 5 years ago
      CommentTimeAug 5th 2017
    At the end of the day, you have whoever you want at the top table. His Nan actually is not traditionally on there. We had our children at ours as between us we have 7 so I wanted it special for them as it was kinda joining them together as a family. Not a single one of the other family members said anything about this. They were happy with it. If it continues to cause a problem, maybe do a sweetheart table.

    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012

    • Wundatigga
      CommentAuthorWundatiggaGot married 9 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 5th 2017 edited
    I would just tell them that to be honest you are not even thinking about top tables and seating plans at this time as you do not even know if you are having this venue or who is coming and therefore there is no need to discuss right now. And then refuse to discuss it if anyone tries to bring it up.

    It's not even worth stressing about at this point as there is definitely more important decisions to be made right now.

    Then when the time comes do what you and your OH want and if it makes it easier definitely go with the sweetheart table.

    I just don't understand why people become diva's about a wedding that is not even theirs... Makes me so sad-mad!!

    Started dating: 10th February 2011
    Welcomed our little girl: May 2015
    I proposed: 23rd December 2015
    I finally become Mrs R 17th August 2017
    Thank you both. I viewed a venue today, which we absolutely love, they are very accommodating and lovely, we can sit up to 12 people on the top table which solves all problems. Mother in law just stresses me out. As she has never wanted to get married herself she don't see why we have to get married. Then says I can hire my wedding dress but her son can buy a designer suit at like a thousand pounds, gets on my nerves haha. Thank you both, I did like the idea of a sweetheart table. Hope you have a fabulous wedding day x
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamlandGot married 5 years ago
      CommentTimeAug 6th 2017
    It's your wedding so you have who you want on the top table. Don't let anyone try dictate to you. People should learn to respect the bride and grooms wishes. Don't let them push you into something you don't want. Maybe explain that table 1 is for important VIP guests and top table only for main bridal party and parents xxx

    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

    • AmberN61
      CommentAuthorAmberN61Getting married in 3 months
      CommentTimeAug 7th 2017
    It's traditionally the couple, parents and best man (I think!) but it's your top table so you can have who you want.

    My parents are together, but my HTB's aren't - one has remarried the other hasn't - but I said, you two get along (it's not like they hate each other) and you're his parents so you're sitting together and no-one else. I'm not having bridesmaids or best men(!) at the top table, all bridesmaids, best men and groomsmen are sitting with their friends/family.

    Don't let people tell you what to do - even if you have to fib and say the venue has rules!
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17Got married 7 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 8th 2017
    I agree with the others that you should have what you want.

    You also shouldnt have to choose your venue based on how many people they allow on the top table. I would leave it for now and maybe explain the situation re his aunt and your nan to them and see

    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
    I think we have sorted the situation now, my only issue was I couldn't put one on without the other. If my nan wasn't going then I wouldn't of had an issue with it, so I said either both nans or no nans. but the venue is very accommodating and said we can have 12 seats on the top table. crisis averted lol.

    Thank you ladies xx
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaLGot married 6 months ago
      CommentTimeAug 15th 2017
    I have decided for a sweetheart table to avoid that. In the end of the day, it is your wedding! Don't let people tell you how your wedding is supposed to be. If anyone tell you "if it's not like that, I'm not coming", they don't consider you enough and you shouldn't feel bad if they don't attend.
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