A little bit of a rant sorry! Yesterday the MIL was around and we were talking about the wedding, when we got on to some subject (can't remember exactly what) but she said "Well you are both a bit young to get married" Maybe i took it the wrong way, but i took as she didn't really approve of us getting married at 22. A few people who don't me as well have told me that i'm wasting my life getting married so young, but I don't care what they think, I'm ready and found the person I want to be with the rest of my life. However when the MIL said that, that did upset me a bit as a i feel that she doesn't approve....
We've known each other since age of 14 and was best friends for a few years before we started dating, we've been together 4 & Half's years, both have been working since 16 and have had our own place together for 2 & 1/2 years. I personally think some people our age are too young to get married due to maturity, however there are a lot out there like us who are mature and know there with the right person.
Do you think i need to confront her about it? Has anyone else had this issue?
---Winter 2013 Bride ---
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
I don't think 22 is too young to get married.
It really pees me off when people say you should live your life first before settling down - there is nothing that I want to do that I can't do with my husband! It's not like I'll be retiring from work and spending every minute of the day by my husbands side!
Also, most parents got married young themselves as that was the 'done thing' in those days. Plus, plenty of older peoples marriages fail - you are quite right, it is about maturity rather than age.
Personally, it sounds like it was an off the cuff remark from your mil2b, I dont think she necessarily doesn't approve of it, maybe she was referring to statistically you are quite young to be getting married? Which you may be, but that doesn't mean you're TOO young to get married, I'd you catch my drift.
I'd leave it, unless she keeps bringing it up
Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorElliekitty
That's Laura, maybe you are right! I don't normally worry about these things but when its the MIL2B it plays in the back of your mind! The last thing i wanted was her not to approve the wedding.
I totally agree with you about parents getting married young, I'm not sure why it is so frowned upon in the next generation down. Maybe it's to do with more are going university and don't really settle down to later 20's?
xxx
---Winter 2013 Bride ---
CommentAuthorprincesspixie
I'd let her know its none of her business, obviously your partner doesn't agree or he wouldn't have proposed and lets face it, when you're getting married the only two people that matter are you and your partner. Ignore her if it's right then it's right xxx
Officially married my best friend 2/5/2015 (secretly)
Big wedding 18/06/2016
CommentAuthorlizzylou
Ask yourself, what are you going to get out of confronting her? Will it make the situation better or worse? If that's the way she feels then you probably aren't going to change her mind, that doesn't make her correct but it might mean that to save you the stress and the upset you just have to be the bigger person and ignore what she has said. Often confronting people sounds a good idea in theory but you'll have some idea of how she will react and if you think it prob means another row then why put yourself through it, you'll only end up more upset.
Just know that you are getting married for the right reasons for you and no one elses opinion matters. Stay strong and ignore. Dont let her make you unhappy. xx
I don't think you are at all as personal choice.....I know couples that got married at 18 and now at nearly 30 they are still together. Equally my brother got married this year and he was 23 and wife is 22. However I also know couples who got married in their 30's and now divourced so age makes no difference.... It's Aout how you feel for each other and when your ready to make that commitment. I think if to have been together for long enough then you know it will work xxx
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthorElliekitty
edited
Thanks Ladies, I appreciate it.
I think you are right Lizzy, she properly didn't mean it in that way and i won't gain much but a family fall out, which is not worth it so close to the wedding! xx
---Winter 2013 Bride ---
CommentAuthorHa_x3
i would ignore it hun, it could just be her oppinion. I got married at 21 & my hubby was 22, i definatly wouldnt say we were too young, old enough to know what we wanted anyway.
I agree that some people that age are too young maturity wise.
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
CommentAuthorSam
edited
bumped a thread on this topic for you, " marriage under 20 yr old- How young is too young?" - Has a lot of opinions on younger brides not just under 20. Hopefully it'll make you feel better about the situation.
CommentAuthorKirstyJ22
I'll be 21 when we get married and I don't think it's too young. If you're ready then it doesn't matter what age you are x x
CommentAuthorLegoWife
edited
if you've been with H2B most of your life already, live together and have no intention on doing things you -for some reason- can only do without each other, then why on earth wouldn't you get married? Sounds like the next logical step for the two of you. You're obviously committed and have been for some time.
MIL2B was probably just making an observation and didn't mean anything by it. Maybe because you've been together so long and grown up with each other she doesn't as easily see that you're both grown adults now, might be hard to let go of the little teen couple you've always been to her or something like that lol :)
Plus if she disapproved she probably wouldn't have waited till now to say something about it!
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthorUnknown
i had the same thing when i got married at 23 but felt it was right but now split up anyway but that wasnt down to my age. i dont think its too young at all. when you know he is the one why waste time! xx
CommentAuthorJillianL47
I think 22 is a perfectly reasonable age to get married. I would have got married at 22 if I had been with my partner back then. It means you will have the rest of your lives to be together as a married entity.
CommentAuthorMissRyanxo
I'm 22 and planning my wedding, I'll be 23 when we actually get married, I know how you feel cause I sometimes think when I tell people I'm getting married, their look is always "At your age." Only you know if your happy and ready, and if you are then forget what people think. My H2B's parents got married at 17, and I'm glad to say they're still happily together. I think when you've found the one.. you know. If both you and your H2B are happy to get married then go for it and have a wonderful day. Don't worry what everyone else thinks otherwise while you're trying to make everyone else happy.. you'll make yourself unhappy! xxx
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
what ever is the right age for you is the right age ....i was 20 at my first wedding
i am 18 and getting married in july 2014. i think your are right about maturity. i think that i am quite mature. i met my h2b when i was 15 and he was 25 (he didnt know i was 15 i told him i was 19) we have been together for 3 years and have a 20 month old daughter =) who cares if the in-laws dont approve. u love your h2b and he loves you, that is all that matters =)
CommentAuthorKirstyM3690
im going to be 25 and heard all the time awww aint u a bit young haha h2b will be 27!! who cares what age if you feel mature enough to go into a marriage isnt that all that matters!! xxx
Yay..Soon Be Mrs Castle
3rd july 2013
Cyprus
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
I'll be 26 and h2b will be 45....lol he definately isn't too young!
Age is nothing but a number, I know plenty of thirty forty year olds who can't hold down a relationship! Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorMrsWearn2be
I think you are the only people to know what you want to do with your lives, and so to take their critisisms too personally would be madness! lol Im only Just 21, and me and my fiance are getting married next april. We already have a 20month old son together and want more children. We love eachother and feel its the right thing to do. Its your life..so live it how you want! Plus your an adult anyway, why should anyone tell you your too young!? craaaaazy lol
CommentAuthorMrsNoz2b
Im only being honest but i think you may have taken what she said to heart too much hunny. Alot of parents will say it out of concern for you and/or your partner. My mom and dad did the same thing when we started talking about marriage the first time ( i then fell pregnant which delayed us) I'll be nearly 27 when we get married. There is no 'right' age to get married. 22 or 42. My mom got married at 21 and she and my dad have been married 28 years this year. I thnk you should both talk to her a reasure her that it what you both want. Parent have a funny way of doing things but from experience it only because they care.
Im sure evrything will work out fine. x
CommentAuthormym72
I suppose it's down to personal choice and not even maturity. I was mature enough to live with someone at 18 - but even though we got engaged, I knew I wouldn't marry him. It wasn't a maturity issue, but the fact that we both wanted to do more with our lives than just get married, buy a house etc etc.
I got married last year, at at 39. I wasn't any more mature but I've just found the right person.
People do get married young and finish up getting divorced - but some don't. Some get married later in life (I've even known a couple who lived together for years, married in their 50's, then were divorced within months) and may last forever, but sometimes end in divorce as well.
CommentAuthorJessicaW22
I don't think 22 is too young at all, especially considering you have been together/living with each other for so long, it's only right that you want to take it to the next level of commitment. I think some mums are just too over protective of their boys and don't want them to grow up, I wouldn't necessarily say that she doesn't approve maybe she's just having a hard time dealing with the fact that he's growing up? Don't let it ruin anything for you hun, I'm sure that on the day she will be pleased as punch! And if she's not... the only thing that you need to focus on is what it means to you and your other half, you'll be so swept up in the moment you probably won't even think about it! Hope you have an amazing day :)
CommentAuthorhigginszajac
Its not too young, i was married four days after i turned twenty and we were married 19 years till he decided he would rather be with my best friend at the time xx
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
22 too young?! my mum was married at 19 and a mother to two at that age! if you think you have found the one then thats it! no-one is to question you or give there opinion you are old enough to make that decision so its up to you
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorCheryl22
I am getting married next week and i am 21 and my OH is 22 - many people have commented that were a far too young to be getting married and are more than likely going to be divorced in a few years! We just ignore them as we know we will prove them wrong. xx
There is nothing so sweet in life, as loves young dream!
CommentAuthorShelleyM46
i dont think its 2 young me n h2b wud of dun it years ago if we cud of dun,i think wen uv found the 1 u know n age shold not matter try not 2 worry so much in wat inlaws think end of dy its u n h2b day but i can understand tho x
cant wait to marry the love of my life
my soul mate and my best friend
CommentAuthorVintageChic
I'll admit now i've only read the first post as i'm in a rush but didn't want to read and run so if i repeat what anyone else has said, sorry... lol
22 is definitely not too young. A lot of people forget that 2 or 3 generations ago it was the norm to "court" be engaged married and having children within a short time of even knowing each other and all usually between the ages of 19 and 23. I don't know any actual statistics but I'm willing to bet the vast majority are still together or were still together til the day they died. Age has nothing to do with whether you are ready to marry or not. When you meet the right man (or woman) you KNOW what's right.
I faced the same ridicule getting engaged at 18, i was told by most people including my now ex best friend that I was being stupid and it wouldnt last. Almost 7yrs later we're still together, we may not be married as of yet (all circumstancial) but we sure as hell haven;t split cause we were too immature to make such a big decision like everyone else had suggested at the time.
Just hold tight and you'll prove them wrong.
"Who, being loved, is poor?" -Oscar Wilde
- Moderator
CommentAuthorElliekitty
---Winter 2013 Bride ---
CommentAuthorJoanna
edited
I hate it when people say people are too young to get married. When we get married, I'll be 21 and h2b will be 23. Neither of us feel like we're too young, it just feels right. We live together, both work full time and pay our bills, we both have university degrees, and most importantly we love, care about and respect each other. What makes us any different from a couple in their 40's? Xx
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
<3
CommentAuthorBrideRAV
Me and my OH will both be 19 when we get married, many will probably think that's too young but for us its the right thing, he works hard for us to have nice things (I'm disabled so can't work) and we have a more mature relationship than a lot of people who are in their late twenties even thirties. We respect each other and support one another. I think its all on the individual -my mum married at 20 and then 40 -both disasters because she can't pick the right man, my grandparents married in their teens and they had good marriages. It's society today and their blinkered view on how things should be -and anyone who strays from the path of putting themselves into debt and being unemployable of going to university is a heathen. (If it wasn't for my disability I am more employable than my sister who has a B.A. and I only have a level 2 BTEC Diploma). We know what we want in live and have know each other for nearly seven years and dated for over three years. I was engaged by the time I was 17 but we were ready. I have a friend who's going to be 21 when she gets married to her partner who's 25, they've been together for over five years and have a little girl, and they're like us, they talked about what they wanted early on in the relationship and respect and support each other, but many of my friends my age won't be mature enough to marry until they're in their thirties because of how they view life. DW and I doubt that's how she meant it otherwise she would have brought it up a long time ago huni -just be happy and enjoy your relationship xx
CommentAuthorTori
I think perhaps she meant statistically you are young these days. You are getting married soon so I think she had any concerns over you both being 'too young' to get married she would have voices them long before now. I personally don't think 22 is too young provided the person is mature enough. I have met some very young 22 year olds but then have known people in their thirties who act like children.
You say most comments about age are from people who barely know you so it suggests that people who do know you k ow that you are mature enough to handle a committed long term relationship x
CommentAuthorRosyF77
dont listen to them! If your happy thats all that matters xx
CommentAuthorMrsLane2Be
Just try to ignore them, I'm 22, going to only just be 23 but won't even be a month into 23 when the wedding comes so will still feel the same as 22. Age is just a number and it depends how mature and ready for marriage you feel. My OH is 28 in January so I also feel it's a little different, as I feel much older than I am, I feel the same age as him, which isn't often a good thing, 'cause I feel like I should be getting ready to plan a family, then I remember I'm only 22 and have lots of time! :P
Anyway, the point was, age is just a number, and if it's right, it's right :) Waiting longer won't make it more right if it's already right!
Marrying the love of my life...
...Will mean that I become..
...Jessica Kathryn Lane!
xx 22/06/2013 xx
CommentAuthorBarbaraU
My Mam and dad were 19 and 20 when they got married 55 years ago and they are still together, I was 21 when I got married 3 of my friends got married that year to, we were all the same age as were our husbands. I am the only one who divorced after 15 years with him, another friend married at 31 it only lasted 8 months and she swears it coz she was so set in her ways. So it makes no difference what your age is if it's right it's right
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
I just want to say I am 34 now and getting married in August 2014. In my early 20's I wanted to marry my boyfriend of the time sooo badly. We were together 5 years in total and everytime we walked past a jewellers or bridal shop he would pull me as fast as he could to avoid looking in the window. And I found that really upsetting!
But now I'm glad he did it. I wouldn't have come to England, met the love of my life, got engaged and found out I was pregnant :-) I'm a totally different person now to what I was back then. Me and my ex wouldn't have worked I know that now but at the time I was devastated that he wouldn't ask me the question.
A lot of people on here are saying they got married young and subsequently split with their husbands and the reason wasn't their age but I would bet that it was mostly because either themselves or their husband had changed or both, and yes that is age related, but this can happen whether a couple gets married at 20 or at 60 or any other age.
If you are both happy, are both mature and feel that you can make a good life together then go for it, but a previous poster is right you will gain nothing by having a go at your mother-inlaw for voicing her concern. To be honest her statement just shows that she cares about her son and that's a natural thing.
