When h2b and I booked our wedding we had agreed to have just immediate family (upto aunties & uncles) and a few close friends, totalling 61 for the ceremony and meal. ( minimum numbers are 60). We knew it would be hard telling cousins etc that they could only come to the evening but at £60 per head we simply can't afford it. But after my h2b cousin kicked off big time (tantrum, fake tears, the lot) he's told her she and her family can come. Which caused a massive argument between h2b and I! So that has now lead to other cousins being added to the guest list. It's now jumped upto 88 guests which has then added a further £1680 to the bill! Now I'm stressing as to how we're going to pay for it as we're paying for it ourselves. Any advice?

Hi, we're in the exact same situation, paying for it ourselves, venue is £60 per head. We've got about 80 guests, most of which are family, we've made the cut off cousins, as I see mine a lot. But we're not inviting their partners, as none of them are married, just girl/boyfriends. We're expecting ructions when peopel realise!

But there HAS to be a cut off point, you don'thave a bottomless pit of money! If people are throwing tentrums, explain to them that you simply can't afford it. If they don't understand that then.... well I don't know what's wrong with them!

We've done what Sarah suggested with some of H2B's uncles/aunts. His Dad actually suggested it as both our families are so huge! He said not to invite any of the aunts or uncles, then once invtes have gone out if people drop out, then invite them. You need to try and have a chat to H2B about the money. Where is he planning on getting the extra from? Has he accouted for it? If he can, then maybe you could considder inviting them, but if not then that settles the mattter.

To be honest, with 16 months to go, you won't even be thinking about send out invitations for ages, so try to leave the issue alone for a little while, avoid talking to people about who is or is not coming. Contract your venue for the number you are happy with, the budget you know you can afford, then later on, when you actually need to send out invitations send the ones you want and that has to be the end of the matter.

Its a be strong and ride it out issue I'm affriad! Good luck! xx

Its a tough decision to make. Me and the OH have had numerous conversations about who to invite to the ceremony and then the evening. Did you and your H2b explain to your cousins that it was budget that was stopping you from inviting them to both day and evening? Maybe your cousins who didn't make a fuss would understand the situation?

as you do have a little while to think about it may i just make a quick suggestion that may help.... we had a similar situation we had agreed to only 30 guests then mil2b got invite happy and its gone up to 50, we are very lucky that the place we are getting married in was not to bothered about minimum guests and were even happy to just host the ceremony but as we talked to them more and explained what was happening and that we would love to have the meal but the cost is just to high low and behold they were willing to discuss the prices. originally they would not do anything for less than £35 a head which is already good especially for such a brilliant venue !! and the fact it used local cornish produce which is important to me , but after explaining the numbers had risen and we couldnt possibly stretch our budget they came down to £19 per head for 3 courses!! and did a large glass of wine for every one for £60!! (it will probably be rank but its just for the toast) obviously the realise the more guests the more likely to have money over bar plus room rates so all in all they would win. I have also agreed to allow them to use pictures we select for wedding advertisement so they reduced our room from £248 per night to £99 per night which is unbeleivable especially as we have two room suite the first night for me and my mum! what im getting at in admittedly a long winded way is have a chat with your venue they will want your custom and may be more flexible then you may be able to afford the extra guests. If they wont budge then you are just going to have to be straight with people and tell them its out of budget but they will have a great time at the evening reception

They should be grateful that they have any type of invitation in my opinion! You have every right after to this to say don't bother at all!

The thing with kids is we have our son who will be 3 and a half, 3 nephews and 3 nieces between us. So they'll ofcourse be there. The venue unfortunately won't budge on the price, the estimate they gave us is basically contracted saying it can go up but can't go down :( I would love for them all to be there without the money worries. I think i'm going to speak to the cousins etc and say to them if they want to attend during the day then to contribute 50% toward the costs. Which would be £30 each and and £14 for children. It includes a 4 course meal, 3 drinks, buffet and party at night :). The ones that want to come can contribute and that can be our wedding gift.. Either that or they can just come to the evening reception if they don't have the money.. Then they'll no how we feel :).. Thank you all or you comments! Xx