Ok so I never really considered a videographer as I thought it would be way too expensive but I had a couple of people post on my wall on here and out of curiosity I emailed them! Anyway he came back with a fantastic quote so I thought I'll talk to h2b and book it. Anyway when I spoke to him he said no straight away. He's nervous about his speech and also hates having his photo taken so is worried about both these things and said being videod will be even worse. I tried to tell him the video will be really discrete and he won't even know they're there but he still said no. Trouble is I really want it now I know we can afford it and I also think he'd appreciate it once the weddings all over.

So my question is this; do i get my mum to book it for me and pretend she did it as a surprise so he can't shout at me or would that be really disrespectful to his feelings?

Yes, that would be disrespectful. Marriage should be about honesty; so the idea of someone lying about something related to their wedding day, especially when they know it's something that would make their OH uncomfortable, really does not sit well with me, at all.

If you really want it, I agree with Becky: speak to him and see if you can maybe reach a compromise. For example, could you ask the photographer not to video those parts that involve your OH speaking (eg the vows and his speech) but have the other parts filmed (eg you arriving and walking up the aisle, the other speeches, the first dance, etc)?

Ultimately though if he's very set against it I think you just need to accept that. We're not having a videographer as we both absolutely hate the idea of being filmed, and would feel very uncomfortable knowing we were being filmed; I wouldn't be able to relax. If OH decided to go behind my back and hire one as a 'surprise', I would be seriously upset and annoyed and probably insist that the videographer left.

Perhaps explain to him why you want it. My OH thought i was just getting carried away, when I explained I wanted a videographer because of all the little bits of the day that we'll miss; the little touches that we put so much effort into organising that we'll forget all too easy afterwards, the way that his mum & dad danced together after being married for 40 years, the way that our neice and nephews ate too many sherbets, the way my mum gets giggly after even a sniff of a wine gum (never mind after a glass of champagne!), what people are chatting about while we're having our pictures taken or chatting to other guests, the look on other peoples faces when we're busy looking at each other during our first dance, the way his mum might shed a tear at seeing her little boy get married, etc...
Its not all about the speeches and ceremony, and if he's concerned about being in the constant limelight, then your videographer should be able to adapt to have a more natural and 'the couple from a distance' style. It's about capturing your whole wedding day, not just you & him.
hope that helps!!

Yes I think speak to him. Maybe it would help if he spoke to the videographer, or he could lay down some ground rules i.e. not having the speeches recorded. A friend of mine recently got her wedding video back and her and her husband both loved it. They said that they saw things that they hadn't even thought of or didn't even know happened. She text me to say that it choked her to see me getting emotional as she walked down the aisle, but that on the day she was so overwhelmed she didn't even remember walking down the aisle, let alone what other people were doing. Perhaps if you explain these things to him and explain that you are willing to compromise he will re-think?