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Wedding Forum - To invite or not... help!...

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  1.  
    • LH
      CommentAuthorLH
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jan 29th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi

    I have an auntie that several of my family have fallen out with. The fallout has lasted years and includes my own parents. Her husband has by all accounts also been a problem (though in fairness I'm not hearing their side of it).

    I haven't fallen out with them but I'm also not close to them. Distance means I don't see many of my aunts & uncles and I haven't seen this auntie for many years, however she stays in touch via Facebook. She also invited me to her wedding a couple of years ago, but I couldn't go because of exams. Some other family members do get on with her and these relatives will come to the wedding, as will the ones who don't.

    So, the way I see it there are a few scenarios...
    1. I invite them, they come, there are no issues. I fear there would be issues.
    2. I invite them , they come, there are issues / fights.
    3. I invite them, they decide not to come.
    4. I don't invite them, they're not bothered.
    5. I don't invite them, they are bothered, there are issues / fights.

    I'm unlikely to be on the receiving end of any issues because of the distance I live, but I don't want to cause further trouble for any of my family. Apparently this auntie approached another auntie last year (unrelated to her, from the other side of my family) asking about my wedding, in a slightly confrontational way. I think she thought I may have sent invites out already and not invited her, so I think she's expecting to be invited.

    I don't know what to do!
    Any advice?
  2.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 29th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Do you genuinely want her there to see you get married? If you do want her there then everyone else will have to just like it or lump it and just try and get on for one day.. your special day. If you're not that bothered about her being there then don't feel pressured into inviting her. Could you send her an evening invitation so at least she is invited then in some capacity? x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  3.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jan 29th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    What about jut an evening invite?

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  4.  
    • LH
      CommentAuthorLH
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jan 29th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks both. There won't be any evening only invites because we live at such a distance. I'm thinking more and more about just not inviting her for a slightly easier life... Just feel rotten about it because it's not my row and I don't want to take sides.
  5.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 29th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Maybe you could test the water with those who don't get on with her and ask them if they would mind if she was invited. Hopefully they would try to be civil for just one day.. x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  6.  
    • CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
      Posted: Jan 29th 2015
      BadgeBadge
     
    Do YOU want her there?
    If your not bothered either way, mention it to other family members to see what they think.

    I really didn't want to invite my nan & grandad (dad's parents) they have always been horrible to myself & my brothers, but thought I probably should so as not to cause any upset with other family members. Luckily for me my dad said not to bother inviting them as they are both going senile & have caused a scene whenever their taken out.
  7.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 29th 2015
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    Think about whether you want them there or not


    I have some family who won't be invited as they have caused issues, not for me but for my mum and Auntie who will be there. I don't want them feeling uncomfortable on my big day.




  8.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jan 29th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It depends on if you truly want them there or not. If you do, then everyone should all be civil to one another in respect to you and your husband. We had BIL's daughters at ours, they don't speak to their Dad. They came, they never kicked off and started an argument purely because they did not want to spoil our day, and these are young girls in their 20s. If they can do it, anyone should be able to. It's not always the case though.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  9.  
    • LH
      CommentAuthorLH
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jan 29th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks all... I'd like to think they'd all be civil at least. Hearing stories of other encounters over the years it sounds like they can't be, or in particular this Auntie and her husband can't be civil, but then I know I'm not hearing her side, but then I also don't think my other relatives would make this stuff up...
    I've decided not to invite her... this may cause an upset but at least it won't be an upset on the day itself. That might be a little cowardly but I do really think it will make several family members very uncomfortable to have them there, so that's it, decision made, no invite.

    Thanks all x
  10.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 30th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Glad you've come to a decision :) least you don't have to worry about it anymore x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  11.  
    • thefuture:Mrs_Hurren
      CommentAuthorthefuture:Mrs_Hurren
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jan 30th 2015
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    Glad you have come to a decision it's always a tricky one to make x
  12.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jan 30th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Glad you've made a decision, I think when you are indecisive about something like that, something is telling you not to anyway. At least now you know you can enjoy your day without worrying about any issues, you may have to deal with them before hand when she finds out she is not invited but at least it's not on your day.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  13.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 30th 2015
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    ^^ Good point. I should probably take that advice myself :)

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  14.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jan 30th 2015
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    Was about to respond and saw you have made a decision. Glad you managed to get to a final decision x

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  15.  
    • LH
      CommentAuthorLH
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jan 30th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks all :-)
 
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