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Wedding Forum - To ask or not to ask! Bridesmaid problems!...

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  1.  
    • BethB35
      CommentAuthorBethB35
      Posted: Nov 1st 2016
     
    Hi there,

    I'm super new to this site but definitely not new to planning my wedding! I'm getting married next July on a Friday. I've recently found out that my one and only potential BM (I was planning on asking her for Christmas) will be graduating the week of my wedding in July, possibly even my actual wedding day! I've asked her when she'll know for sure but she's said she doesn't know and I can tell she's getting increasingly annoyed with my nagging, obviously because she doesn't know she's my possible BM and I'm anxious to know she'll make it! I know that she'll probably be able to give me plenty of notice for my wedding day but in terms of her being my BM or not, I need to know by New year and she would probably have to make a decision to be BM or not based on an "if".


    Of course I would be gutted if she couldn't make it, but I would also never ask her to miss her graduation for me. I don't want to make her feel pressured by still asking her, but I feel like unless she knows exactly where we stand in this, it's not fair on her to make that decision. I've been in a "if I'd have known" situation with a friend before that ended badly.

    So do I ask her earlier than planned and give her time to decide for herself, hoping it doesn't make her feel pressured or make the decision to not ask her and just hope she can still come as a normal guest? I just want this all to be sorted one way or another, it's an extra stress I just don't need, my bridal party have been the biggest stress of my wedding so far!

    TIA

    Beth x
  2.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Nov 1st 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I would just mention it to her. 'I know I'm nagging but I would really love you to be my bridesmaid but have been putting off asking because of theIs'
    Then she won't be as upset with you and you can still do a special way of asking her officially.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  3.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Nov 2nd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I would ask ASAP, but let her know that you understand if she can't make it as your BM, at the same time showing that you would be really happy if you could have her by her side on the day :)
  4.  
    • BethB35
      CommentAuthorBethB35
      Posted: Nov 2nd 2016
     
    Hi both, thanks for your replies. I think I will ask her early, I'll make sure she knows there's definitely no pressure. She's really understanding so hopefully that carries through with this! It also gives her enough time to try and find out her grad date and decide what she wants to do.

    I've tried thinking about what I'd do in that situation. I'd probably skip my graduation, but having never actually been to uni it's hard to say for sure and everyone is different! I'm trying to remember that my most important day isn't everyone else's! I just need to respect her wishes whatever they may be!

    I think I'll say that I'd like to know for sure by January as I need to start sorting a dress and whatnot. I also need to get an accurate quote from my florist so need to take BM bouquet into account etc.

    Even if this falls through, at least she'll know that I care enough about her to ask her in the first place!

    xx
  5.  
    • AmyP913
      CommentAuthorAmyP913
      Got married 31 months ago
      Posted: Nov 2nd 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    I would ask her early but she may say yes as she'd love to but her graduation is massive and if she finds out the date after she's told you, you could be left very disappointed.

    From my own experience if my graduation had hit on the same day as a wedding I am afraid I would never have missed it. After 3 years of hard work and commitment it was one of the most precious moments of my life.

    She would still be able to attend the evening to celebrate both yours and hers big days. She will also I'm sure as a close friend be there throughout all the planning and support you wether she is a bridesmaid or not.
  6.  
    • BethB35
      CommentAuthorBethB35
      Posted: Nov 3rd 2016
     
    Hey everyone!

    Just thought I'd update. I asked her last night! She cried and said yes! We've agreed that we will go ahead and plan everything like she's going to be there. If she can't make it because of her graduation, she's offered to pay me back for the dress or we could try and sell it also. So it's all working out so far! She also found out from her lecturer that her faculty is usually one of the first to graduate so she should be at the beginning of the week, which means there shouldn't be any problem!

    Thanks for your help!!! xx
  7.  
    • KathleenO17
      CommentAuthorKathleenO17
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Nov 3rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Aw bless it, it's such a great feeling when you ask them isn't it. Glad you got it sorted, fingers crossed her graduation doesn't end up clashing! x
  8.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Nov 3rd 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Fab news Beth. Fingers crossed it is the start of the week xx

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  9.  
    • FutureMrsW
      CommentAuthorFutureMrsW
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Nov 3rd 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Glad it went well as that you can both enjoy planning together :) Fingers crossed for an earlier ceremony for her! x




 
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