Wedding Forum - Thoughts on asking if guests are willing to...

I went to a friends wedding a few years back & it was an extremely tight budget, anyway..
we went to a local chinease after her ceremony and paid for our own meals (in our invites she asked that instead of buying her a present please pay for our own meals)

You may even be able to find a poem regarding this xx

I must admit I wouldnt be impressed. Maybe just find somewhere cheap and cheerful to keep the budget down.

i was at a wedding recently where i was asked to do it and i wasn't impressed but my reasons are because i was bridesmaid and we where not told until that day that we had to pay for our own, for the place she chose it was costing £45 each. The wedding was @ 2pm and the meal was not until 7pm and we had our 3 kids with us so it was extremely expensive. If it was a reasonable price and everyone knew well in advance i would say they wud be ok but my first experience of it in that way was not impressive at all.. :( Sorry

I wouldnt be happy paying to get there, paying for my meal, and then also buying a present.
I dont think I would go to the wedding if I was asked to pay all that.

I have to say that I wouldn't be impressed paying for my meal. Have you looked into bringing a takeaway in istead? When I was talking to my vicar the other day he said that when him and his wife got married they didnt have much money so their wedding breakfast was kfc! And no one complained about it! xxx

Although I sympathise where you're coming from and know that people can be very generous with monetary gifts that would probably cover their meal, I think the "shock" as it were would put a downer on your day :(
I don't disagree with it logically, particularly if you were giving plenty of notice, it's just not the done etiquette. Plus I wouldn't want to risk people rsvp-ing no because of it :(

I don't think you should have to compromise your venue & other aspects such as rings as others have suggested though. Wedding priorities to me rank rings, the venue & photography very highly - above feeding everyone a gigantic fancy meal. For example, your rings are for life, a beautiful venue reduces the need for decorations (a definite cost saving area imo) and photographs are a lasting memory of the day.

I definitely think you should find a way to cut down on food costs, without having guests pay - was it you who had a thread about a later ceremony to reduce the need for a large meal? We're considering an afternoon ceremony so people can eat at home beforehand. Then we were thinking of having afternoon tea served, with an evening meal later on. It works out far cheaper than having a large wedding breakfast and an evening buffet but keeps everyone satisfied and not hungry. As the food is there, people overeat massively at weddings, they don't want loads of it and it gets wasted.

Perhaps consider something like that? A later ceremony, afternoon tea then an evening buffet? (as they're cheaper than sit down meals) Xx

My fiances friend got married in 2010 and asked the guests to contribute towards the cost of food. Only 25 people were there and after the ceremony we went to an Italian restaurant for the wedding breakfast. whilst there the happy couple bought everyone a main meal but asked that the guests pay for drinks and desserts themselves. I certainly wasnt offended by this but then they word the invites in a way to make it informal, instead of calling it the wedding breakfast they simply said they were going for lunch after the ceremony and that the guests were free to join them.

I wouldn't mind doing this if I had plenty of warning (Am loving the KFC idea!)`I think that most couples are on a budget, I know that we are on a pretty tight one and are considering getting married later in the day and having a hog roast or a bbq - one lot of food for all rather than catering for daytime guests and then again for everyone in the evening. Or maybe consider a finger buffet / fork buffet or even a favourite local restaurant. This is something H2b and I were planning on doing, until our local Chinese Restaurant changed hands and now the food is awful!
I don't think that you should compromise on things like flowers, rings, venue etc. In my opinion, my rings and my photographs are the most important and lasting reminders of our big day and I am more than prepared to spend a fair bit on these xx

I first thought it would be an ok idea, but once you add up how much it would cost for a family (I have 3 kids) it would be too expensive. Even at a cheap £20 a head, it would be £100, plus buying drinks, outfits, travel for 5. I would end up spending maybe £400 in total and I wouldn't do that for anyone's wedding, sorry.

I agree with other suggestions like buffet only and cutting back on other aspects of the day

I would go for the option of having a later wedding so im only paying for one lot of food or having fewer guests rather than ask my guests to pay, you can cut back in other areas such as your making your own decorations flowers ect xx

If it was someone I was close to and it came down to they couldnt afford me coming and I would miss the getting married I would pay for my own meal - but that would have to be someone pretty close to me!
If someone really wanted to be at your wedding and it wasn't too expensive then they would do it but as most have said a lot of your guests won't come especially the older generation.
I have heard of a website where guests contribute to the cost of the wedding instead of gifts?Tbh there was a lot of grumbling about it (this is how I heard about it lol)

xx

I think most people would be offended by this approach tbh. If it was family / close friend I'd attend and pay but I would have a good bitch about it (just being honest). If it was someone I was not that close to, I'd decline the invite. If someone in my family did this it would be talked about for *years* after and not in a good way.

If we were going to get married in the UK we were planning to have a later wedding ceremony to cut out the wedding breakfast and then just having the evening food. we still arent quite sure whats what just yet but think we'll most likely be doing it abroad-Back to our original plans!

Sarah x

I think its totally fine so long as the place isn't too expensive. In my opinion the people that have a problem with it obviously don't care enough about being there and therefore what does it matter if they dont come!

We have gone back to our original plan of getting married in Cyprus now which means who ever does come will be paying out for a holiday..if they cant afford it they dont have to come but we've made our choice now.

I bet the £30-40 ph doesnt seem so expensive now compared to the £100-£1000's the cyprus wedding will cost lol


Sarah xx

:) sod it, I know h2bs parents probabley wont come but he is insisting he really wants to get married abroad and we can do a meal reception when we get home!

Now for the holiday prices to come out...

Sarah x

Do what makes you happy! :) Xx

bump for xx Mrs a2b xx

I know how you feel i'm on a tight budget. You could do a faith meal, this involves hiring a hall may be the church hall if your getting married at church. What you do is get your guest to provide a plate of food this way you get a varied buffett. Get looking on council venues these can be cheap. If you live near manchester there is worsely court house there you can have afternoon tea for £7 a head and just have an afternoon reception. Or get married later in the day and just have an evening reception (at worsely its only about £7 a head). some hotels offer last minute cheaper bookings. get married in the week. Use your friends talents as well. get your friends over and get them helping you make invitations. Hog roasts can be cheaper as well. do you have any friends with a large garden. Look at your local sports halls as well. Local Bakeries tend to offer good value buffetts as well. some working mens clubs will offer free room hire as they get their money back on the bar xx