Hi everyone,
Need a bit of a rant and advice. Basically my parents wanted to pay for our wedding as they knew we couldnt afford it.
My mum has taken over everything and shes not the sort of person you can disagree with as when ive tried its resulted in massive arguements but after the last arguement we are still not talking she has text me and said we should get married and she will give us the money and have nothing to do with it, thats not atall what i want i would love her to be involved just wish she realised me and h2b need to have input in our wedding day regardless to who is funding it. I know i probably sound really selfish but its even got to the point she has chosen my wedding dress and im not entirely sure i even like it. I think i have to cancel it which we really dont want to do but i cannot possibly take money from my parents without them using it as a weapon against me. Also this is supposed to be a happy and exciting time which it hasnt been atall im constantly in tears and its adding to our already turbulant relationship with my mum and I.

HELP!!

I have seriously considered this but my mum would never forgive me

I vote elope. But definitely don't go ahead with a wedding that you aren't happy about, you'll just regret not having anything you wanted and resent your mum. At least postponing til you can afford your own (maybe small) one, or elope. That way its what you want and you won't have regrets. You don't want to have someone using your own wedding against you because they paid for it. And you definitely need to at least have a dress you are happy with! Is it possible to wait until its all cooled down and talk to your mum and come to a compromise with a situation everyone is happy with. I mean it sounds like you want her involved, you just want to not regret anything, can you make her see that?

Oh dear. Sounds like you might need to just power through making your own decisions. Let her know that you are going to have the things you want, and that when you like a couple of things that you want her to involved and help you choose between your options, because your opinion is important to her, but that you'll be going with what you want first. Then take that dress back (or sell it if you can't) and get one you want. No point you being unhappy with it and she's clearly never going to be helpful!. Then tell her that you will either be postponing the wedding and saving up for your own small wedding that is what you want, or she can still choose to contribute if she wants. But either way the terms and conditions are the same. This is going to be your day. That way she knows what she's let herself in for and she can still choose to help if she wants, but you are not expceting relying on her as you'll pay it on your own (just a little postponed) if you have to.

yeah i know what you mean. Its just all a big mess at the minute I love my mum but the way she has acted and spoken to me lately ive just had enough :( or maybe im just sensitive because i have alot going on at the mo. I think the best thing i can do at the moment is pay her back for the dress and other bits she has bought and just cancel the wedding for a few more years. I know thats my only choice its just cancelling everything i cant bring myself to doing it lol xx

I agree you should tell her that you will be postponing the wedding and saving up for your own small wedding instead and say she can still choose to contribute if she wants. That might make her realise if she doesn't back off a bit she's not going to have a say in anything at all and the wedding will *definitely* be nothing like she wants.

Edit: or don't say you definitely will be doing that, just sort of threaten it lol

When you say parents where does your dad fit in to all of this? Could you have a chat with him and explain how you feel?

Ultimately and unfortunately, when people are contributing financially they often, wrongly in my opinion, expect more of a say in the big day.

I hope she realises in time to save your wedding, but if you do have to postpone at least you will get the weding that YOU want xx

Haha so do I!! If I win I will give you some! lol xxx

Oh I really feel for you and have no better advice than what has already been given. I really hope that the 'win a wedding' phone call is being made to you right now x

Oh no hun, I'm sorry to hear you are having a challenging time with your mum.

Maybe as LinziJo suggested you could postpone until you can afford a lovely day on a budget. Ladies on here have great ideas to have a fab day on a budget. This way your parent's can't control the day.


Hope you can sort things out to get what means a lot to you and your H2B, not your parents.
xxx

I think you need to have a frank but calm chat with your mum and explain the effect she is having on you, and how much she is upsetting you by doing this. At least then even if she doesn't turn around and change, you have done all you can do. At the end of the day, your wedding day is about you and your h2b, and no one else and it is all the personal touches you choose which make the day so special and unique to you. You need to be able to have input into that. x

I don't think there's anything else I can add, but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you've been put in this situation. Hoping you find a way to resolve things with your mum and still have the wedding you want. I've had to postpone mine a few times so far because of financial stuff, but there's hope there yet. Don't give up :)

Haha, if only!!

i would write to your mum .. that way you can say all you want in a calm and considered way with no option for things to be said "in the heat of the moment" by either side

Who do you want to marry? Your mum or your H2B? You have to be strict because otherwise you end up having everything the way someone else wants it.

My mother in law told us that she won't be coming if my H2B dad is coming so I told her that it was fine with me and that she is the only one who jas added any negativity toward OUR wedding, which is true. I get along with her very well and would love her to be there, but if she thinks she can dictate how our wedding goes and who we invite then I would sooner have her taken off the guest list.

Mayb u shud cancel n pay for weddin but by bit ure self! As for dress u shud never of got it if u wasn't happy! Think u shud tell ure mum once n for all it's ure day! My parents bought a bit for my wedding Including my dress but I picked it not them!!

I hope it goes well hun. Stay strong and calm!

At least you know that you're in the right here and it's good that your sister and friends recognise you're dealing with this in a mature way that should be admired xx

Good luck hun! I hope you can sort it all out with her xxxx

Best of luck tonight - hope it goes well x

Thanks ladies

Ok so It didn't entirely go to plan as my dad came aswell and was already drunk so I decided it wasn't worth going into whilst any of us had been under the influence. therefore I kept quite quiet whilst being blamed for all sorts.

I've asked my mum to meet another time just us and no alcohol involved as I think we should both be being rational then and I'll have a better chance to get my views across.

All fun and games lol xx