What...a...DOUCHE! Ugh, what is with men and this grass is always greener shite. You're worth someone who knows they are LUCKY to have you as a wife and you to feel lucky to have him as a husband. This is NOT what you have....he will have some serious making up to do when he realises that he aint going to get better...fool(him)

my thoughts are with you

so sorry to hear all this hun, he is being a total ****** no one deserves to be treated like this, you need to gather up all the strength you can sweet, get rid of him and look after yourself and your babies, hes not worth it, there is someone out there who will worship the ground you walk on!!

good luck hun xxx

I have no idea how I stumbled on this post but I couldn't not try to help after reading your comments.

The main problem is Mr. Brice has no respect for you and his life revolves around himself. He's not ready to be in a caring and loving relationship and you're not 'The One' for him. If he ever shows any kind of help or tenderness I'll bet it's when it suits him and when it's easy to do so because as I said, his life revolves around himself not you or your family.

However, you have become part of the problem. Your problem is that you want to make him see what he 'should appreciate', what he 'should be doing' as your fiance, and that he needs to change. You do this by nagging him, texting him, telling him or allowing him to come over and 'talk about it' etc. etc., which is a very normal but unhealthy pattern woman tend to take when they don't want to be alone and want to make a bad relationship 'work'. It's simple desperation. Now you need to realise and take responsibility for behaving this way and break the pattern because:

1. He has no respect for you.
2. He doesn't have a deep, caring and respectful love for you. You don't want to settle for less, otherwise you wouldn't be complaining about him.
3. He's not going to change for you.
3. You want more and you deserve more, even if it means being alone and waiting for that one guy who's going to be there cuddling and supporting you, at your side, through the VERY worst HORRIBLE nightmare of times in your lives.

Remember:

1. It's not about getting revenge or making him see what he's missing. Stop that kind of thinking, it's a waste of your time and it's unattractive. >>> It's about moving on with your life in a positive and loving way that's going to bring you love and happiness with someone else. So there's no need to even utter one more word to him.
2. Everytime you even think about texting, calling, or seeing him in person to hear what he has to say - STOP. Say to yourself: 'If I open communications with him then I have no right to complain anymore because I'm giving him permission to be in my life and treat me badly and it will be all my fault, not his, because only I have the power to let him disappoint and hurt me'.
3. You're not alone. If you decide to end the relationship gather support from your closest friends and family so that they can help keep him away and be there for you because,
4. You're going to need time to mourn the relationship and the life that you had planned with him. Remember to mourn and know it's ok, but also stay active, try new things and meet new people. It's a new life full of possibilities.
5. If you have a common law marriage or children with him you need to consult with a solicitor who will represent you for free. They can help mediate and advise you on what your rights are and how to give visitation with the children in a way that feels comfortable for you. You should not have to see this guy for at least 6 months but after that if you need to talk about the kids then, I know it's hard but there's no point in being nasty to this guy. Be a lady ;) Stay calm. Set a great example for your kids.
6. Research online for free - how to be stronger, independent, how to survive a breakup. Look for objective and wise guides that will really help you become the person you want to be. You can even get free therapy online and advice.

Sorry to be so blunt but it's so late (4am) and I'm just trying to be concise for you. If you'd like any more advice or help researching online for anything just message me. Please don't take offence at what I've advised, I only speak from experience, I've studied psychology and because I did go to a lot of therapy with an awesome psychotherapist myself!

Take care and good luck with everything *hugs*

Brilliant post from StillDreams there. I think that sums up what we are all trying to say. I know you will do what you want anyway but please understand that WE don't have feelings invested in your relationship and can look at it from a completely outside perspective so its easier for us to see exactly what is going on.

I think you should get the ball back in your court hun and don't let him make decisions about your life. xxx

i think u need to txt him sayin its over u dont want him bac u want a friends or family to come collect his things and u dont want to see him again and that if he wants to see the kids then his dad or someone can pick them uo a nd drop them bac off.

then get your self a baby sitter get some friends round get u glad rags on and get out and have some fun as much as u wont feel like it do it anyway cause once u do u will enjoy it xxx

Very well put Still dreams

well we have decided to have a month out hes still going to see the kids but were going a month of living our own lifes and doing what we want and seeing we actually love each other were not going to let the kids catch on yet we will wait until we know whats going on, he works shifts so hes never here every morning and night anyway. we think that if we love each other and its right then this is going to make it clear as day if not then we will have given it our best shot and call it a day.
were going to write a list of things we both have big problems with about each other and talk them through if we are un willing discuss them them were going nowhere.
he keeps saying he feels somethings missing but doesnt know what but he doesnt think its me.it just seems silly 2 throw away all that time before trying one last thing that could be the best thing ever clear it all up. i honestly thing we have gone so long turning our friends down for nights out cuz we each think the other will be stroppy that we have lost friends and need to have that part of our lifes back.
what do u think? good choice?xx

that makes alot of sense and its what were hoping for. im already missing him like crazy i feel sick all the time already i just hope he feels the same but this is the start of it.
we both are going to go out and do things and just see if we both feel being without each other sucks x

Good luck hannahlouise.xx

so far my list of things to change if we stay together is

1. how hard it is to go out anywhere
2. how i have rules and he doesnt
3. doing/saying things to shut me up its silly and confussing just say no
4. i hate my side of the bed his is much better i want to sleep by the wall not the door(thought it was worth a go)

i cant think of any other big things to put

I agree with Annette, Respect me should be at the top off the list along with 'if you can do it, so can I'!

Might sound a bit stupid but if me and h2b have a fight and he pushes the limit too far (ie calling me names) I now rather than react back by calling him names - I say my piece again and then thats it I dont talk to him again untill he apologiges - It drives him cray (his one of those people who can have a fight and then go back to normal within an hour, where I am one of those that gets so angry and upset it can put me in a slump for the next few days - which causes another argument) So like I said I dont talk to him, I acknowledge that his talking but do not open my mouth!! first time it took a while to sink in - now as soon as the names come out of his mouth he regrets it!! (only happens on the very rare occasion now)

You need to think back to what you want from your man, what you wanted your life to be before you got together, and the type of person you were and find the bits you still want and make sure that he knows that is where your limitations are and your not prepared to change them for him or accept his behaviour!! (all a bit like training a dog my mum says)

Lx

Oh hun I really hope you can spend the month concentrating on you and your kids and I really hope you and Mr B can work things out!!! xxxx

I think you've done the right thing hun, and I love that you put in that you want the other side of the bed lol definitely demand respect and keep respect for yourself too, that way you can always hold your head high xx

Good luck hun and thinking of you. Absolutely no-one should have to go what he's putting you through. Enjoy a month spending quality time by yourself and make sure that you get everything YOU want at the end of it - even if he's not it!
xxx

thanks milly i was writing on your thread when you were writing that.
ive decided to put on the end of my list of things we should change that i want him to take the ring back and give it to me if or when he feels he wants to and if that means waiting years to get married and we do it how he really wants in a registry office no fuss then we will do it.
i seriously think he regrets setting the date and he thinks its leave me or marry me next year i guess i wasnt really willing to change my mind but when it comes down to losing him completely or a wedding i know whats more important x

i hope things work out i really do hun xxx

can i just ask have u got rules for while your apart?
ie:datin,seeing,going with other ppl?????
no contact at all for that amount of time???
regular,schedlued hours and days to see kids???

yes stressed he works shifts so hes still doing school run when he used to and he will see them around his job but were going to try not to be in each others faces to much
were both going to have a night out but he said were still together until its official were not so no going out to pull lol
the more im thinking im just confused does he just want to end it or just wants time out to make sure hes still in love with me.
i can honestly say i think hes going to still want to leave i have a gut feeling x

i dont know i really dont im just going to ask him straight cuz otherr things we can work around but not if he just doesnt love meanymore x

Hi hun hope your ok? As i said before this sounds excatly how my h2b went, and i do feel for you, however i think the month apart is the best thing to do i wasnt strong enough to say yeah we'll just take a break, i just told him to go and did regret that decsion a few days later but thought it was best for me, but had a drunken phone call last week saying he was sorry and did give me a few answers to wht had gone wrong, and saying he would come home if i wanted him too, i didnt know what to say!! But he found it easier to talk to me when drunk So next day i told him i couldnt do it, but the last week has been so hard and kept thinking about what i wanted, we were talking and texting a lot havin a laugh, it was lovely and we are now trying again it took nearly 4 weeks out for him and me to realise what we had, i maybe nuts or crazy but i was so unhappy without him. We also discussed what went wrong to avoid it happening again, the wedding is still off we need to build are relationship back up first. The whole point is hun dont lose hope or give up it can happen, just make sure you both talk about what went wrong andwhat needs improving, im thinking of you hun and here to help if i can hugs xxx

im really glad things are going better for you marialouise i can only hope the same happens for us.
my best friend says it shouldnt take month for him to know which is why i have to ask him tomorrow if he just doesnt love me if he does then we can switch lists and start trying to patch up problemsi just need him to be 100% truthful with his answer.when i see him briefly tomoz it will be 2days of no contact for me its been stupidly hard i wana know if its been the same for him if he has lost the love he should know and if he cant answer i have my answer xx

Thank you jill xx