FREE Wedding Table Planner

+ FREE Wedding Budget Planner and more wedding planning tools

Join now free to use

Wedding Forum - Things you wish you didn't know... UPDATED...

Not signed in (Sign In)

UKbride Supermarket


* Discount available to Power Users only. Terms and conditions apply. more

  1.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 17th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    ...because they bum you out even more than you already are about something.

    Please bear with me on this,...
    I can't help but feel a bit disappointed about my stepsons (who is 15) attitude about the wedding day. We get on pretty well and have a laugh - when talking with his dad about marrying me, stepson said "you've got a good'un there dad" referring to me.
    I know that on the run up, he kept going on about how the suit was green (it was teal, same as the best men), but he was just imitating his dad by trying to wind us up about it - he must've been because he even asked if he could have a matching waistcoat for it too!
    He was ring bearer on the day, but after the ceremony he went off away from everyone to sit in the shade. I thought maybe he was hot & wanted space away from relatives/kids etc. Fair enough.
    During the meal he had a pack of cards to play with - FIL was sat next to him & played with him. Between courses he was outside playing with footballs with another lad his age in the gorgeous sunshine.
    After the meal, FIL & MIL popped home to see to the dogs & took stepson with them, they returned in time for the first dance and stepson had changed out of his suit into jeans & t-shirt (could he not have worn the nice trendy black striped shirt he likes?).

    So on top of the disappointment that step son didn't write in the guest book, or get us a wedding card, I have since found out from MIL that he didn't want to return to the venue for the evening reception, and found out from my mum that although she tried to persuade him to cut in at the end of the first dance, saying that his dad would be so happy if he did, he bluntly refused and carried on playing on his iPad.

    Thinking about it, he didn't say anything resembling congratulations to us at all :-(

    I know he's a teenager, but I had hoped that he would've made some sort of effort for his dad.

    Hubby doesn't know that his son didn't get us a card - he has yet to read through them all. Do I get a card on stepsons behalf and ask him to sign it so it looks like stepson did make an effort for his dad?




  2.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 17th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Only thing about the card would there be a risk he says that he was forced to sign it ?

    As much as he got on with you before hand sometimes the actual day can be a bit overwhelming for teens when they see a parent marry someone who isn't their other parent and teens being teens can show this by stroppy moods and show off tactics like changing outfit . He may feel once the big day was over he might not be involved in his dad life as much as a new family has now begun (in a marriage sense) Maybe after a few days organise a evening or day with just you three and show how things were like before ?

    Members signature icon
    Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
    Friends became soul mates :)
    Engaged 6th July 2013
    <3 <3 Married my best friend 11/7/2015 <3 <3
  3.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 17th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    We've booked a 2 week holiday to Orlando for next week for the three of us, going to the theme parks and is getting a new ps vita so he doesn't get bored on the flight over... Basically, spending the fund that was intended for a fabulous honeymoon but due to hubby getting severe dad guilt, wanted to spend it on a fab holiday for the lad so he doesn't feel as though he's missing out while he & I go on honeymoon (we had a week break in Italy - nice, but not the once-in-a-lifetime trip we originally discussed as our honeymoon) but I agreed to the family holiday. He's not missing out...




  4.  
    • MrsCross2be
      CommentAuthorMrsCross2be
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 17th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Personally I wouldnt pamper to him. He is clearly then getting his own way with things. I would just carry on as normal and ignore the bad attitude. Let your husband see there is no card, it is then up to him to decide how to express how he feels to his son- you are not the bad guy then.
  5.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 17th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I don't think most 15 year olds think about cards etc, My mum dealt with family cards till I was 19. and just got me to sign them. You may now be his Stepmother by law, but your not his parent , just let your hubby realise and deal with it if he thinks its a issue. kids will be kids

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  6.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 18th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I know what you mean about cards - it usually me supplying them, but I had hoped that MIL would've done that one, especially as she organised one for the disabled lady she cares for to 'send' us.
    But even a nice note in the guest book or saying something doesn't take any effort...

    It's just something I'll have to get over and focus on the nice elements of the day instead, not the disappointments.




  7.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 18th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    As a teenage boy I would say he probably isn't bothered about nice little touches i.e. cards and signing the guest book. He probably hasn't meant to be nasty or cause any upset in any way, he just probably didn't want to be sentimental. Do you think he would find being sentimental a little embarrassing? Xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  8.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 18th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    He's a teenager that's just watched his dad marry someone else who is not his mum. Even when they get along really well with future step parents sometimes the actual day it becomes real and really hits home. He's 15 and already going through a gruelling hormonal part of his life and this was likely very overwhelming for him. Don't hide this from your husband because they need to keep an open communication about it. What he did on the day was him displaying how overwhelmed he was. Kid's don't think about the future or how a decision now might affect them after.

    Pampering him with buying gifts to make him feel like he isn't being left out can sometimes (emphasis on sometimes) do more damage than not because he will start to feel guilt which can make him resentful. Be your normal selves. Treat him as you would before you got married so he doesn't feel overwhelmbed by change.

    You likely want to hug and him and say "Nothing has changed! we love you and want you to be happy!" and who wouldn't in your position. But teens are very difficult creatures.

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  9.  
    • almost a year wife!!
      CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 18th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    As above!

    Members signature icon
    Ill marry my hero


  10.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 18th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I'm sorry but 15 year olds most of the time only really think about themselves. They wouldn't concern themselves with signing a guest book. He probably only has to get up, wash and dress himself each day. I think expecting a card, or message in a guest book might have been unrealistic.
  11.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 19th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Hi ladies, thanks for your replies.
    So it seems things are back to normal - out shopping today and stepson was his old self, offering to carry bags, having a joke with me, etc.
    But he doesn't cope well with queuing for example, so I'm thinking its likely he was just bored on the wedding day. I've got incredible patience, and have done from an early age so perhaps I was expecting too much of him to just sit and try not to look bored for a day. I suppose weddings are rarely a blokes idea of fun, let alone a for a teenager.
    Had have not come back for the evening, then I would've been miffed.
    All is well, and looking forward to the holiday with him :-)




  12.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 20th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Glad things are back to normal and enjoy your hol :)

    Members signature icon
    Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
    Friends became soul mates :)
    Engaged 6th July 2013
    <3 <3 Married my best friend 11/7/2015 <3 <3
 
Enter Now