Hi All

I was chatting to my best mate on Friday night whilst we were out and it hit me how things appear to have changed after just 7 months married.

Whilst she has a long term boyfriend, they'll never marry (long story), she goes on millions of holidays, 10 this year and has loads planned for next year too. She also finds it easy to just go away for weekends with her sister and other mates who are all unmarried. She's just always out having fun.

I was telling her how another friend and I had spoken so much before of going to the Belgium grand prix but now can't justify spending hundreds of pounds on a weekend away without hubby and I also have opted out of my work Christmas lunch/dinner because all in it'll cost £50 which again I can't justify when it's been such an expensive year and at this time of year it's expensive yoo, I can go for 2 meals with friends for that money.

She told me she wouldn't think anything of it and would just spend the money and go. She also said that I'll soon have a family and have other things to focus on so things will change, then said that she found all the pregnancy and baby talk at work really boring as some of her colleagues are pregnant.

I'm now worried that things are changing and I'll end up with unmarried friends getting bored of me because there are now things that I won't or can't do because I have to consider hubby in everything.

I'm worried I'll lose friends over time too if they start to find me boring. Especially if and when I get pregnant, hubby and I are trying.

I do make the effort to see friends, it's just I go for lunch or dinner with them, the occasional concert or show and the odd shopping trip but I now make more considered purchases because I can't just blow money on clothes shoes and handbags like I used to.

Whilst I wouldn't swap hubby and our marriage for a life single having fun with mates I do worry that I'll somehow get left behind and end up some boring lonely housewife no one is interested in anymore.

Do any other married ladies feel like this or any b2b's worry about things changing so drastically?

I understand what you're saying. I'm the only one of my friends that is married but a few of my closest friends are in serious long term relationships. We all live separate lives and we don't see each other much because of work, relationships and some friends living in different cities. However, we're all still very close and talk a lot on the phone and see each other when we can. Although sometimes it is ages between seeing each other, that doesn't diminish the friendship at all. What I'm trying to say is even though things do change in life and friends live separate lives, it doesn't detract from your closeness and friendship. Real friends stick around. Hope this helps make you feel better :)

Well if your friends are like that with you I'd find some that are worth having you around! Three of my best friends are married and the other two in long term relationships... Only one of us has a child though, sometimes it's awkward because they can't go places easily or socialise unless we go to their house but once we al have kids it's likely we won't see each other an awful lot but it's part of life.... Xxx

Im in same boat ,i've just had to cut away some of my 'friends' as since having my little girl, we are on totaly different pages, an they don't understand! An im with Lala, its called growing up! Annd you make new friends who are on the same page as you and ynderstand, this 'friend' does not seem very considerate!

I don't think you have to consider hubby all the time especially when it comes to work Xmas function etc, it happens once a year and I think you deserve that bit of time socially with colleagues. It's healthy having a relationship with hubby but it's also healthy doing things with friends too and everyone's entitled to a few treats, and I do kinda agree with your friend that it's true kids will be here soon, I have 3, and you should enjoy the childless part while u can x

This isn't my own experience, it's a girl and her group of friends I know but she got pregnant at 17, had been with her boyfriend for 4 years.. Non of her friends were in seriously relationships at the time, they were all 17/18 years old themselves, could've totally ditched her and left her behind because of her being pregnant but they didn't.. They are such good friends that instead of going out and getting drunk every weekend they went to her house once or twice a month and spent the evening with her.. That is real forever friends, if your friends ditch you just because of marriage/children then they're just not forever friends.. 5 years down the line and they are as close as ever, she's pregnant again and her friends are still Uni students but nothing has changed their group xxx

I hope it will be for you too..
I just wish I had friends like that.. Mine all ditched me when I got with h2b.. Thought I was crazy for getting into a serious relationship, let alone one with step kids.. They never said that but it was exceedingly obvious xxx

To be honest thats life!
When I got married the first time I was only 18 and by the time I was 20 I was living in Germany with him!
I still talk to Four friends from when I was younger but that's it really!
One I used to go to school with when 11-12 another I used to live near when we were14-15, one I went to college with and the 4th is one of the women I met when I moved to army quarters with the ex! (Joys of amry life and moving every two years lol)
We all live in different places (London, Wiltshire, Scotland and I'm in Cambridgeshire) so don't see each other as often as we would like but we do talk, text email...fb etc when we can Life goes on and things happen like lala says above it's called growing up, moving on and priorties (sp?) changing!

I'm not sure I could go away on trips without hubby but happily spend all day with my mates.

I might ask him though how he'd feel if I did x

I have been with H2b for 8 years lived together for almost 7 years (As good as married) We have a son who is 4 and I go on weekends away with my girlfriends as does H2b, We both socialise with friends regularly and we have our family holiday every year two weeks just us three.

Obviously we have to consider money when we are thinking about going away or nights out etc can we get a sitter etc this is all thought out before we commit to booking anything.

I will be honest I did lose a few friends when I got pregnant but that is their loss I was 27 when I had ds and most of my friends were 24 at the time they wanted to go clubbing every weekend and I just couldn't even though I used to do it before I became a mother they just didn't understand my situation had changed and ds came first.

When we finally get married nothing will change for us we will still go on our weekends away with friends nights out etc.

I have been away just two weeks ago for a weekend in London whilst H2B had out son. I see nothing wrong with this as I am an individual yes im a mummy and a 'wife' but I am also Elizabeth and need my own friends and my own time just like oh does. there is no shame in it we are only human xx

My friendships have changed with my friends throughout the years. I don't see my best friend so much now. I feel all she talks about is her children, and as much as I'm sure she loves them, but it bores me.

I had my son young and over the years my friendships with people who didn't have children waned. It was simply a matter of not socialising with them as much and the fact that all I really had to talk about was a very boring office job and my little one, so we just didn't have much on common. And I think baby talk to people with no children is boring - esp as you do talk about it allll the time (worse then wedding talk hahaha). I held no ill-feelings towards them it was just that we were at different chapters in our lives.

A few of them have now had little ones of their own and we have re-connected, and now that mine are older I actually leave the house in the evening so have started to socialise with some of my old friends.

If they are truly your friends it will be more of a fluid friendship that adapts to life changes but doesn't change how you care about each other.

Ive found since I got married a few people have been distant and the way I see it is if they were really friends they would make the effort and realise about the money situations alot of my friends have atleast a child/ baby but still go out every weekend on girlie breaks. Me personally im happy to stay in with my family after all ive had all the weekends out and its all the same x

I'm going away with some friends next year on a cruise only 2 days but its away. IMO I think its unhealthy to be with hubby 24/7 I go out with my friends still and he has his own interests. when I was married the 1st time I was like you IDL didn't like being away from him but now think that was alot of our problems I had to know where he was all the time which really isn't good it shows I didn't trust him. but each to their own x

I can understand that i always come home to a mess lol x