Wedding Forum - They WONT marry us???!!!! - Page 1

Wedding Forum - They WONT marry us???!!!!...

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The Big Day > Church Weddings: They WONT marry us???!!!!

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- CommentAuthorToriL
So we had a meeting with the vicor today and we dont meet the requirements. As i dont live in the parish. Its my grandparents
Church, i lost my grandad last july we where very close. But after going though every option the vicor said he simply cannot do it, my grandad is buried there and i explained that i wanted to be close to him, but still not budging, i also said i would go to church every week untill the wedding, still no. I dont no what to do ive been crying all night i was open to disscussion on venue cars food flowers everything... This is all i wanted. Is there anything i can do?!?!?

When 2 lives become 1 heart.

Cant wait to become mrs penny!!!!
18/04/2015
- CommentAuthorBlue
this is whats on CofE website
You can marry in a CofE church if you can show:-

That one of you:

has at any time lived in the parish for a period of at least 6 months or
was baptised in the parish concerned or
was prepared for confirmation in the parish or
has at any time regularly gone to normal church services in the parish church for a period of at least 6 months or
That one of your parents, at any time after you were born:

has lived in the parish for a period of at least 6 months or
has regularly gone to normal church services in the parish church for a period of at least 6 months or
That one of your parents or grandparents:

was married in the parish
And did you know that if you move house, you’re immediately connected to the church there? That means you can marry in the church of your new parish.

Lauren & Andrew
26 . 07 . 2014
- CommentAuthorFinally Susan B
  
  edited
Lol I've edited my post as exactly the same as previous post - posted at same time.
I'll put the link on your wall x

2nd edit: unrestrict your page so we can link you x (it's an ORGanisation for YOUR CHURCH WEDDING with no spaces)
- CommentAuthorFinally Susan B
Also found this info :
f you wish to marry in a parish church on the grounds that you have a qualifying connection, you must complete a declaration (the parish will provide a form) which details your connection. You will also need to supply any relevant evidence to support the facts on this form. If the Parish Priest is satisfied your claim is valid, you may then apply to be married under the normal procedures, e.g. the calling of Banns (see the detail below for how this works out in practice).

If you cannot yet satisfy any of the qualifying connections, but you live fairly locally, by attending church services in the desired parish church regularly for 6 months, you could qualify.

There's also a bit about the Banns - saying they must be read over the 3 months prior to wedding so in effect if you use this route you need to start going to church 9 months before to qualify the 6 month thing, apply then have banns read ( in the parish you live and h2b lives and church you want to marry in)
- CommentAuthorMrsH-2B
Does anyone you know live within the parish ? My friend pretended to live at her aunties to get married in the church she wanted, took photos over, their kids toys etc etc just for the vicar meetings.. Didn't even provide evidence like post or anything xxx

I can't wait to become his Wife :-) 4th July 2015

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- CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
If anyone can get you onto the electoral roll for that parish that creates an automatic connection... We had the same problem so we now attend anyway and are now on the electoral roll for the parish...

Really if u choose to attend consistently for at least 6 months they can't really turn around and say no tbh

As with the banns as well as being read in the church you're marrying they must be read in the church of the parish you live in too

Every church and every vicar is different though

Good luck hun

XxxxxxX

Ill marry my hero
- CommentAuthorElinor Claire
How long until you get married? It doesn't show up on your post. If you attend regularly for six months you will qualify. I've heard of people staying with a friend or relative to qualify on residency. Unfortunately as the state church the Anglicans have to be strict. If all else fails what about a wedding elsewhere and a blessing at the church you want.

30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
- CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
Say your address is now your Grandparents address. Naughty I know. Friends of ours got married a couple of years ago, they moved to the mainland and still managed to get married here in a church which was not their parish.

Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
- CommentAuthorMrsC
I'm so sorry for this heartache, I do know how you feel as we were not allowed to legally marry in our church (due to divorce for us though) so we had a RO ceremony in the morning with a small amount of immediate family members, no fuss or anything and then a church dedication (blessing) in the afternoon.
Would this perhaps be an option for you?
Once they have said no, I'm afraid it will be highly unlikely that they will change their minds now.

Proud to be a Wife and Mum
Married 4th May 2013
- CommentAuthorInDreamland
I like the sound of getting a blessing after the RO ceremony if this is an option for you hun. Sorry you couldn't get then vicar to agree to marry you and h2b.
xxx

Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
- CommentAuthorToriL
Thanks every1 for your posts, we have the form and none of them we can say yes to,
I said i would attend thr church every week if i have to. And he said you cant expect
To be welcomed into the church as we do not live in the parish :s
We live about 25 miles away. Im a bit worried about changing addressses and stuff as
He does visit my nana as she is unwell and cannot get to the church.
We have resently moved so moving into the parish is simply imppssible. Our date is not
Untill 2015.

When 2 lives become 1 heart.

Cant wait to become mrs penny!!!!
18/04/2015
- CommentAuthorInDreamland
TBH hun, I'd not feel great changing addresses if I hadn't genuinely moved house to the parish just to get the church I wanted for my wedding.

I would feel like I had tried to deceive the church and wouldn't be able to live with that feeling, I'd feel so uncomfortable standing there saying my vows in front of God knowing I lied or manipulated a system to get married there.

Sounds like you've been sensible in trying to think of how you could meet the criteria but ruled them out. Is a blessing at all possible there? A full blessing ceremony following a RO o e could be beautiful, plus you'd get to walk down the aisle twice!

Hope you can find a nice solution xxx

Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
- CommentAuthorMrsC
I would imagine the viacr took offence to the idea of you just attending services up until your wedding
I got to walk down the aisle twice, and the blessing was my wedding, in my eyes the RO was for the paperwork.
I wore a wedding dress, had flowers the lot still.
We have a good relationship with our vicar and it showed in our service.
I was upset for a long time about not having the legal marriage in the church, but I must say so many of our guests didnt even know we'd married in the morning. The difference are subtle, some past tense words, we still exchanged rings, signed a certificate.
I personally wouldn't try to deceive them, not with the vicar knowing your Nan, after all a marriage in a church isn't just about a couple its the relationship with God too, which sadly many people forget about.

Maybe meet with the vicar a few more times if he is willing and build a relationship, in a years time he might feel differently.

Proud to be a Wife and Mum
Married 4th May 2013
- CommentAuthorInDreamland
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
- CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
The vicar sounds silly to me tbh they are suppose to encouraging marriage in church and he's making like difficult for who want to marry in his church! Surely he would take pride in that and welcome people.... What a silly man!

Ill marry my hero
- CommentAuthorElizabethP8
Do you go to church regularly in your own area? If you do and know your vicar well is there any way he could speak to the vicar at the church you want and explain the reason for that church over your own? I'm not religious so don't know much about their rules and regulations. Hope you work it out :)
- CommentAuthorLauraM9144
Really feel for your situation but religion is not something you can pick up and put down which i guess is what offended the vicar :/ if it was me i would accept that its unlikely to happena nd plan as others have said to have and RO ceremony then a blessing but i would also attend the church weekly to prove my commitment as even if you have a blessing you are making a promise to god so therefore if you are only attending church as its the dream place to have a wedding you may find the blessing meaningless to you ? i am pagan and therefore the idea of promising to god would be absurd to me as i wouldnt mean it if that makes sense? If however you show some commitment you will know better for yourself what the church stands for plus you will build a relationship with the vicar and show him you are dedicated not just for a wedding he may not change his mind still but atleast if you have a blessing there it will be more personal . (this is obviously just my opinion hope i dont offend :) ) good luck hope it works out for you x

One BIG day will lead to lots of little happy days !!
- CommentAuthorInDreamland
Laura M x

Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
- CommentAuthorJoey35
We're meeting our vicar next week and we don't live in th parish. I need to prove that I lived in the village between the ages of birth and 2! My mum is frantically looking for an old letter or something from the 80's to prove we lived there! I have old photographs of me at the house so hoping that will help my case too..Nightmare!!!
- CommentAuthorMrsC
How about checking the doctors records? Can that be done? Like the vaccinations list or something?

Proud to be a Wife and Mum
Married 4th May 2013
- CommentAuthorMrstalbot2b
The rules are in place to stop anyone getting married in the church just because it looks nice but I won't have though because your granma still lives in the area you have an connect to the church and getting married in the town 6 miles from village I grow up in and town my mum use to live in to she was 19, my grandparents and brother, uncle still live in town but I live about 10 miles away, I can get married they if I go once a month for 6 months but by time I get married I would be going for 18 months, I would write an letter to the head person of the area who boss of all churches can't think what they are called at mo, explaining the reason why is importion to be married at the church .

frist date:- 14th july 2009
bought our house:- 5th sept 2010
engaged :- 27th december 2011
getting married : 7th june 2014
- CommentAuthorMrsK2b
Have you asked the Vicar who his Bishop is? If you can speak to the Bishop and ask him if he would be happy for your vicar to marry you.

This is the next step that you could take.

There are rules in place to stop people marrying in a church that wasn't near them. I would speak to the Bishop and explain the situation.

Cant wait until I become Mrs K
- CommentAuthorElizabethP8
Agree with LauraM, if you don't believe then does that not defeat the point of it :( I'm a bit torn as to what to do as my mum is a christian and really wants us to get married in a church but I do not believe and will feel like a hypocrite...
- CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I cannot believe a vicar saying that you will not be welcomed in because you live outside the parish. Churches are crying out for members, and you should be welcomed in immediately. Are you sure you want this vicar to marry you? If you are set on it, he cannot stop you attending worship on a regular basis, and you only have to do it for six months so you have time. The ball is in your court; if you attend that church for six months, welcome or no welcome, you are entitled to get married there.

30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
- CommentAuthorMrsK2b
  
  edited
I think it is the distance Elinor and that she doesn't attend church every week 25miles is a long way from the church, everyone is welcome to attend masses but when it comes to marrying in the church it is the Vicars choice. This is why I think you should speak to the Bishop as he is the next person to speak to.

You would also have to attend marriage classes and these are normally only held twice a year, they are at my Church and without going to the classes most Vicars wont marry you.

I do agree with LauraM.

The reason why were not getting married in the church Is because my H2B doesn't believe in going to church every week and having to do the marriage class.

I hope you get this sorted out and get married in the church that you want as it is a special place for you and your family.

Cant wait until I become Mrs K
- CommentAuthorKirsty
We are having a blessing as the chapel we loved was decommissioned and not a licensed venue for marrage. Its heartbreaking but as a previous post said, the RC is just a legal bit, our wedding will be the day we are blessed in the chapel.

It sounds like there is no room to budge with him, you can appeal. I am not sure how but by sister had to. SHe wanted to be married in a church that she was not known to, or even lived close to. SHe filled in the form saying our nanna attended the church until ill health meant she could not. It was allowed and she has just had te banns read out.
- CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
You aren't going to like what I am going to say here Tori, but I'm afraid it is completely up to the vicar as to whether or not you can marry in their church, so if they have said no there isn't really anything you can do. Even if you did meet one of the criteria they can still say no to you if it isn't your local parish church. The only thing that they might be happy to do for you is a blessing. I'm really sorry, I know it must be heart breaking for you :( xxx

Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
- CommentAuthorJenniferY90
We are getting married in a church outside of our parish. I lived there for 10 years so we do have qualifying connection but I have not been asked to prove this, he has just taken my word for it. When we went to see the vicar he said they had literally just changed the rules and previously it had been a lot easier for people outside of the parish to marry. They do have much stricter rules now and they are not easy to get around. If the vicar is adamant that he doesn't want to marry you then you may not have any other choice but to marry elsewhere.

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