H2B doesn't speak to his mum because she is a minipulative, selfish, you-know-what who has a martyr complex that would make a super-emo look rational. Throughout his life she has lied about so many things that we would be here all day if I tried to lst them all, but the worst are that she minipulated the situation so he lost cotact with his dad, then told Andrew that it was his dads idea (so he has next to no relationship with him) and that she will make up any lie she can to get her own way (including 3 seperate and conflicting rape stories).
She also, on top of this, married an abusive drunk and looked the other way while the new husband battered Andrew from the age of 5 upwards.
So basicaly, the first 20 years of his life were a mix of verbal, emotional and physical abuse which his extended family knew about but chose not to act on.
This all came to a Jeremy Kyle worthy explosion a year and a half ago when the husband threatened to rip out our throats in our sleep while we were all away for Andrews maternal grandparents golden wedding anniversary and the MIL2B, when the husband demanded she choose between him and Andrew, chose the husband.
He has tried to have a distant but amicable relationship with her, but each time he tries, she tries to pull him into her soap-opera life and he doesn't want that, so he has told her that until she changes he will only see her or talk to her at family events where everyone else is incuded.
Needless to say, Andrew has chosen NOT to invite them to our wedding.
The Issue: His maternal grandmother is refusing to attend the wedding unless the MIL2B is invited too and says that Andrew is being unfair to his mum by cutting her off. She also said that MIL2B is refusing to organise her 50th birthday party until she knows what Andrew wants to do and when asked what she wants, her response is "I just want a hug from my only son (sob, sob)" but his gran can't see how minipulative it is to be doing and saying that. Basically, if he doesn't do what she wants then he's the bad guy for upsetting her on her birthday and not letting her organise her party.
On top of this, his grans refusal to attend the wedding is having other effects. We chose to have the wedding in Glasgow because that is where Andrews family lives and his gran is sick to the point where she can't travel, but this way she can attend. This excludes MY grandparnts as my gran is in a similar way and can't make it to scotland from north yorkshire. His gran is being minipulated by MIL2B and refuses to see it. It's really upsetting Andrew and I'm so angry at MIL2B for what she is doing.
She's either too stupid or too selfish to see that she is makng the last year/s of her own mothers life a weapon for her toxic mechanations.
Rant over. For now anyway :/
CommentAuthorButtonAndBoo
=O
Some people are just unbelievable!
[massive hug]
XX
CommentAuthorLegoWife
Sounds like a terrible situation. I can't even think what advice there is to give on this!
I can only suggest your H2B makes it clear to his gran with as little detail as possible that he's tried having an amicable relationship with his mum but it never works out that way, especially with her husband on the scene and that he wishes it could be different but he can't deal with the upset from her. Not sure she'll understand but if she wants to miss out on the wedding from her taking sides then maybe she doesn't deserve to be there anyway?
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
bl00dy ell poor you guys! x
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorObsidian_Winter
Thanks for the sympathy :)
I know what you mean, LegoBride, but unfortunately she won't have any of it and even though she is being irrational Andrew is still upset by his grans decision. We're going to talk to his grandad who is more stable and see if he will overrule her nearer the time.
Oh, and I forgot to mention: according to Andrews gran, it's all MY fault that H2B and MIL2B aren't talking. Me with my magic powers to make people think and feel whatever I want, obviously.
firstly big hugs. Sounds a nigmare situation. I tink the best thing is to leave tem all to it. If you're not going to be emotionally blackmailed by mil2b then why should you be emotionally blackmailed by his gran. It's up tp her if she comes or not, it shouldn't be conditional. If that happened to me I'd rather she not come. I know that sounds harsh but you have to draw a line and if she sees you backding down to his gran then she will always use her to get what she wants. Good luck x
CommentAuthorObsidian_Winter
I agree, ClaireE (I rhymed! lol) unfortunately, Andrew is having a harder time of it.
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Oh hun, what a nighmare! BIG HUG!
It's so sad that his gran is being manipulated like this and she probably cannot see what your MIL2B is doing to her. Really hope that you can get it all worked out so your H2B will be happy xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorObsidian_Winter
I think that she might be swimming with crocodiles (in denial) because it is her eldest daughter that is doing this. It's just hard to get our heads around because she is being irrational and won't see the evidence at she is being manipulated but Andrew and I are both hyper-rational to the point of being almost Vulcan (star trek reference, sorry)
CommentAuthorXbox widow
Hope you can get this sorted out soon, its such a shame to have all this aggro on top of all your wedding planning. Its should be a happy time for you both not full of manipulation and guilt trips.
CommentAuthorPurple Rose
What a mess! I dont envy you at all.
In the end, if the granny can't accept that her poisonous daughter and husband arent invited, then she should live with the consequences. You hubby to be seems to spend a lot of time pleasing others. He doesnt need any affirmation from them. Where was the family when he was being abused?! I feel so sorry for him and you for being dragged into it by Granny Nae-Brains.
Stick to your guns. Having the Granny not there will hurt him like a flash but having to invite his mother and the tyrant will hurt him long term and end of the day, you will obviously want as little hurt as possible.
Oh and dont let them blame you! THEY are the disfunctional eejits! If anyone on my H2B's side bad mouthed me before our wedding and I heard about it, they'd be off the list. Im not paying to feed someone who is being cheeky to me!
Good luck x
CommentAuthorClareS
lol that made be chuckle as my lad always tries to make things rhyme with my name x
CommentAuthorMorgsysGirl(kempy)
I know it isnt what he wants but is your h2b willing to try a comprimise to get his gran there? by saying will she come if he invites his mum BUT NOT her husband. and then explain to his gran this guy used to beat theliving daylights out of him so she needs to understand why that is definatly not going to happen but that he has relented enough for his mum to come only for his grans sake?
x
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
CommentAuthorObsidian_Winter
Kempy, there is no way that his step-dad is being invited anyway and he told his gran that he won't be emotionally blackmailed into inviting his mum because having her there will ruin the day for him. His gran blames the new husband for MILs behaviour but his grandad admitted that MIL has always been like that and the husband is just an excuse. If anything, MIL makes the new husband worse rather than the other way around.
CommentAuthormillz090
Well done for standing up for yourselves... its hard with families but making a stand is good. His MIL2B needs to learn she cant emontially black mail people and hopefully she will learn. As sad it is, if Gran chooses not too come then at least you invited her and gave her the choice so she has chosen to cut her nose off and you havent been held to an ultimatien. xxx
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthorMrsKisywisy
jeezo
i realy feel for you both in this situation. personally, i'd invite the gran and tell her you hope she'll be there, but understand if she doesn't come (even though it'll hurt). she still has a little while to make up her mind. i wouldn't press her on it. just leave her be. i think speaking to her husband (grandad) is the best you can do just now. she may see sense, but she might not. i absolutely wouldn't give in to her demands. i think your h2b is a better person than me by even trying to have any sort of relationship with his mother. i know i couldn't.
I'M MARRIED!!!
I am now Mrs Bananaman!!!!
13/09/2012 in Peyia Town Hall, Cyprus
CommentAuthorLlosa
Awww, just read this, sounds awful hun and so not what you need on top of wedding stress! She sounds like a piece of work and ultimately why would she want to go when she knows that you and her son do not want her there? Talk to the grandad closer to the time and give it time to chill. i wish you all the best though and hope it all sorts itself out somehow
