Ok this is going to sound a bit strange but i dont want my mum and her fella to come to my wedding well i would love my mum to come but if she comes so does he and we dont want him there, it started nearly 2 years ago when me, my partner and our first son went over to france to visit my mum, her fella was apparently joking but called me a bad mum for not letting my kid have something else for dinner when he refused something i know he likes so my partner stuck up for me and he and my mums fella got into a fight my mums fella smashed my phone up and we ended up leaving that night a week early, we spent all our money getting a ferry home and had nothing left when we arrived in england as well as no food at home, we had put money into a kitty for food at my mums house and they didnt give us anything back we had also brought 3 crates of beer and some other bits the day we left and left then at my mums house, we ended up paying over £100 to get my mobile fixed and had to get money for food from my parters mum, they never said sorry or refunded us the money we had given them for food even tho our son was only about a year old they left us pennyless, now were planning our wedding and understandable my partner doesnt want my mums fella to be there and nor do i as i know that him and my partners mum will cause a seen (she does have a valid point to want to stick up for her son and it would be the first time they have met) but how do i tell my mum that he is welcome without hurting her?
CommentAuthorohfiddles
Just explain that you love your mum and want her to be at your wedding, but because of the past experience with your H2B and your mums man, you dont want him to come. He can still occompany her to england, (if she is still in france) but he doesnt have to come to your wedding. its your choice. If she cant be grown up enough to accept your wishes then thats her problem, your her daughter and you should come before any1else in your mums life. I have a bit of a similar problem with my grand parents. If 1 comes the other one wont, and with my H2b father, he has a new woman that doesnt want him to come because my H2B mum will be there. At the end of the day, if you invite her and explain, then at least you have tried. xxx
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs Nicol
i agree with ohfiddles... :)
CommentAuthorlouise1712
im so sorry to hear about your situation i would try talking to your mum and explain that you would love her to come but you dont want any problems at the wedding and it would be best if he didnt come as it now not fair on you and your partner its best to say it straight as you will just worry x x xx
CommentAuthorohfiddles
Also, and please dont shoot me any1, if there could be a reconcilliation try just meeting again. at least that way you will know if it was a 1 off confrontation or if the 2 men just dont get on. sometimes men just dont think how these sorts of things effect others tut : ) xx
that is soo true, men usually only think about themselves... lol
CommentAuthorMrs Daltry
oh gosh what a delicate situation,,,you really need to sit your mother down and talk to her,make her understand were your coming from,,,but on the other hand it might not hurt to talk to her partner on his own and tell him how your feeling and just say that you dont know what to do as you dont want to hurt your mum
CommentAuthornewmrshartley
tell her the truth. arrange a meeting - online if she is over seas - and talk it through. its your wedding and you dont want any trouble maker there and he sounds like a dick! :)
CommentAuthorKerrylou
I'd at least try the reconciliation route, then no-one can say that you and your h2b were the d!cks by not trying to spare your mum's feelings. What they did to you was horrible and I understand why you don't want him there but if you even 'pretend' to repair the bridge then you're not going to look bad to your mum and her side of the family.
I do like ohfiddles idea - there's no reason why he can't come to England with your mum, but I'd think along these lines once you've spoken to your mum xxx
It's right what they say
"The course of true love never runs smoothly"
But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
CommentAuthorohfiddles
yeah its like with my h2b dad and his girlfriend, she didnt want to come to our engagement party, so she didnt want h2b dad to go. we tried to get them to come to wedding but same thing is happening. its a different reason. some people are just awkward and cant give a little sometimes. im sure your mum really wants to go. you may have to grit your teeth and bare your mums partner company to see how things will go xx
CommentAuthorCeCe
edited
...tis simple, and if she does not see what the problem is/was then that IMO is her problem.
If I was you I would be ringing her and speak to her re the wedding and tell the truth. Let her know FIRST you want her there but because of your past experiences with the partner he is not welcome.
I have a feeling she will probably 'stand by her man' especially if this bad feeling has carried on for this length of time. I would get prepared for some more recriminations too..as I am sure she/he will have something to say...BUT this is YOUR choice after exeriencing something very unnecessary and unpleasant.
Stick by your guns and good luck.
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs Nicol
i agree with CeCe, it's ur day, talk to your mum and explain maybe she will understand.. :)
CommentAuthorstranger23
Thanks girls some good ideas i will give a try, a meeting wont happen as they dont come back to england unless someone has a baby or gets married and its only for a day or to and we cant afford to go out there and have the same thing happen to us again, newmrshartley yer your right he is a dick always has been we just put up with him coz mum likes him, so much of a dick he wouldnt marry mum coz he didnt want the responsibility of us kids even now that we have all left home and got our own families he wont marry her she has asked him every year for at least 10 years!!! I think i am going to have to bite the bullet and make the hardest phone call of my life to explain to her how i feel, its a shame because before the fight happened i was thinking of getting her fella to give me away im going to get my sister to do it instead
