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    • CarolineL78
      Posted: Sep 7th 2020
    I had previously been married but my ex-husband cheated on me and then dragged me through the courts to try and force me into selling our home. I was left heartbroken and betrayed and never thought I would get married again. But then I met my partner, and everything changed. After 3 years together he proposed, and I gladly accepted and after 4 years of being engaged I married the absolute love of my life at the start of this year.

    However, despite 2 years of meticulous planning and all our guests being thrilled for us my sister did her utmost best to ruin our day. Having been married previously I tried my best to make our wedding as different as possible. Part of this was not having my sister as a bridesmaid. I had asked her at my first wedding and to say she was reluctant is an understatement – she didn’t help with any wedding items at all, she didn’t help with dress shopping, she didn’t organise my hen night and, on several occasions, threatened to drop out completely, once only a few months before the wedding! When my new partner and I announced our engagement the first thing my sister said to me was “Don’t expect me to be a bridesmaid again!” so I asked my two best friends who were brilliant all the way through. Two months before my wedding my Mum informed me that it had transpired that my sister was upset because she hadn’t been asked to be a bridesmaid. When my Mum pointed out that she had said she didn’t want to do it again my sister said she had been "joking". Obviously at this stage there was nothing I could do so I offered an olive branch and asked my sister to be one of our witness. This was somewhat reluctantly as she had been a witness at my first wedding and because I really wanted my MOH to do it as she had been with us from our first date through to our wedding. My sister accepted and I thought no more about it, although I was slightly annoyed that my Mum had told me and added extra stress so close to the wedding.

    On the wedding day itself I spent the morning having fun with my bridesmaids before we went to the ceremony. The ceremony was beautiful, and I was so thrilled and happy. When it came time to sign the register my sister approached the desk with a moody face and when the photographer asked her back to pose for a photo she petulantly said “Why?” We all went outside for the drink’s reception, but it was unseasonably windy, so some guests stayed inside including my sister. When the photographer called everyone out for the group shots my sister came and stood next to me. She first said “Why have you got pink lipstick on? You shame me!” (it was actually violet) and then when a gust of wind came along, she said “Thanks for having your wedding in the autumn.” Note this was the FIRST thing she’d said to me that day. I shrugged it off as all other guests were so happy and joyful.

    At the wedding breakfast we had speeches first, and I made one after the Groom. I thanked all I could think of – parents on both sides, bridesmaids, witnesses, friends – before I made a heartfelt speech about how wonderful my husband was. No sooner had I made my toast and sat down my stepfather, who was seated next to me, said “Your sister is upset” I asked why, and he said, “You didn’t mention her in your speech.” I reminded him that I had thanked the witnesses and he said “Yes, but you didn’t mention her by name.” I was quite simply agog as I hadn't mentioned anyone other than parents and my husband by name. I was so angry I said, “I don’t care!” He said, “She’s crying.” I said, “This is our day, not hers.” and turned away to listen to the remaining speeches. I couldn’t concentrate though and was seething about her childishness and questioning why he would tell me this on our wedding day of all days! The speeches ended shortly after and my sister immediately got up from her table with her friend and walked out of the reception. My Mum went after her leaving me with my stepfather. Despite repeated requests to not discuss it my stepfather went on and on that it was noticeable that most of my family had left the wedding breakfast (hardly my fault), that this was the type of thing that split families apart, that my sister was so upset (although it didn’t seem to matter that I was getting upset on my wedding day). I politely reminded him that this was our day, that Mum had two daughters and that she should be sitting at the top table (my poor Father in law was as the end by himself) and to stop being so overly dramatic. My Mum returned to the table 15-20 minutes later by which point I was so upset/angry that I couldn’t eat any of the beautiful food we had so carefully chosen. My Mum and stepfather also only picked at their food. I was trying to shield my husband from this, but he knew I was upset and made me tell him. He said ignore her and to just enjoy our day but the whole wedding breakfast was tainted.

    Even at the evening reception things there was an atmosphere – my stepfather despite having suggested we do this, tried to pull out of the Father-Daughter dance. It was too late to tell the DJ though so we did it but he spent the whole dance trying to get my sister up to dance with him as well. I wasn’t able to spend time with some of my guests as they were seated at my sister’s table and I was still to upset to face her. I spent no time with my Mum and stepfather because they were huddled around my sister for the whole night. At the end of the reception, 8 hours after the ceremony, my sister said goodnight and finally said “congratulations” to me, but she didn't congratulate my husband. I was absolutely gutted and so upset.

    The first day of our honeymoon I was in floods of tears because of my family’s behaviour and the fact that they had tainted my memories of the day. I can’t understand why after everything I’d been through with my ex that my family would be so selfish and hurtful on our wedding day. My stepfather even mentioned I'd been through a hard time and was now so happy in his speech! It’s bad enough that they would do this to me but to do it to my wonderful partner is just absolutely abhorrent to me. After the heartbreak and betrayal of my previous marriage didn’t I deserve a wonderful wedding day to signify my fresh start and putting the past behind me? After 24 months of planning couldn’t they just behave for 10 hours?

    I am absolutely heartbroken for me and my lovely new husband and I am so angry that when I think of my wedding day all I can think of is the bad parts and not the wonderful fact that I got married to the love of my life. I don’t know what to do and almost 8 months on I am still completely despondent.

    This has irreparably damaged my relationship with my sister as I will never forgive her for her behaviour and I am still so angry with my Mum and Stepfather for enabling her behaviour, pandering to her on the day and putting her before me on the most important and significant day of my life. I am quite simply broken, and I have no idea how to start putting the pieces back together.
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