well... im getting married in 3 months and my moh (my sister) has still not organised my hen night so I called on my good friend for help! She came up with a great night away inc accommodation, entertainment, meal and transport for £98. I thought this was quite reasonable seeing as a night out in my town centre will cost about £50ish and thats not inc taxis home etc. Well, so far about 3 of my friends have said no sorry, they cant afford it which is v understandable but my best friend jst sent me a generic "no, cant afford it" msg. her partner is going to my h2b's stag do and he goes out every weekend! she has been my friend for 11 years and her partner has known mine for 3! i know these nights out are v expensive, and if it is working out too expensive for my friends, I will happily go for sumthni v cheap and cheerful so they can all go. I think her short text has jst thrown me a bit. aaarrrgh, i am now jst thinking bout not havin a hen night as i wldnt feel right her not bein there :( xx
CommentAuthorTori
Oh that's not good hun, maybe you should give her a call and see if she could afford a cheaper do. It seems unfair that your best friend can't afford but her fella is going on the stag x
CommentAuthorVelcro
How much notice do they have? it would be more understandable if its in a few weeks as £100 is quite a lot of money up front.
I think because its been left so long you will probs just be best doing something else, but maybe arrange to do this after the wedding or something?
I would probably approach your friend and try to find out why she was so blunt, though I cant really comment on the situation with him going out all the time and her not, as not knowing their situations it would be like, for me, Tom is going on a stag do abroad and me saying, i cant afford the same thing for the hen night, but then, ive just quit my job, so thats more than fair enough, i wouldnt expect him to pay for me to go. (even though he probably would) so maybe there's more to that than meets the eye. or maybe hes just a selfish pig and hes spending both their money. I had an ex like that....
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorpink*wink
its in jst over 2 months. he isnt like that at all, im sure he will be as shocked as i am! both r working but thats not the point i spose. im fine with people not being ble to afford it, i cant afford many nites out! it was her reaction that hurt most! esp seein as she was at mine last night saying she was looking forward to a good night out!!!!xx
CommentAuthorTori
Maybe she's recently had a shock financially. She may have received an unexpected bill and is worrying hence the bluntness. Thing is it could be anything and you won't know until you talk to her x
well, id say that was more than enough notice. in that case Id just probably just talk to her about it, especially if shes on about a good night out, which you are right, these days can easy rack up to 80 plus quid.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorpink*wink
I jst dont get what cldv changed so dramatically overnight!!!! i have 3 kids so really dont have a good night out often! last night she brought the subject up and was v enthusiastic bout it all!!!! xx
CommentAuthorVelcro
Hmm, that does seem odd then! Defo mention it again, but make sure its in person!
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
I would ask her about it hun. You may have just caught her at a bad time, or she might have been in a rush to get somewhere so didn't have time to say anything else. It might even be that she is embarrassed thinking that she has to explain why she cant afford it so figured if she put it bluntly you wouldnt pressure her (not saying that you would anyway but she may be thinking that) or want a more detailed explanation why. Or it might be that she just thought you were asking her about the idea rather than actually going, so she was actually telling you not to go with it because she cant afford it? To be fair £100 is a lot of money and I know for a fact that I would not be able to afford that and certainly wouldn't be able to get that kind of money together in 2 months. If it was a night out then she would only spend what she could afford and no more xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
I don't get why brides go ahead and decide to do something and expect that everyone else will be happy about it. In my opinion hen dos should be discussed between all hens before a decision is made.
Christmas is coming up, she needs money for that, money for your wedding and money for this hen do. She may also have plans to go to a work Christmas party as well and its possible she may have also already planned to do something on New Year's Eve. Ok you say she has a boyfriend who goes out every weekend? Well perhaps that's not something that she can control. My advice is to talk to all your hens and ask what they would be willing to pay and what night they are all free on and go from there.
CommentAuthormillz090
I'll-be-36 - i dont agree, the hen do is for the bride and she should do what she wants to do, yes discuss it with your hens but ultimately its your choice so you decide what you want to do. Just remember everyone has different budgets so some people may not be able to afford everything so be prepared for some drop outs but you cant please everyone so ultimately go with what you want !!
I would talk to her as maybe you caught her at a bad moment and text came across wrong. Good luck xxx
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
I had problems with my hen do - my moh hadnt arranged anything so i arranged it myself. I then had loads of friends drop out - I had 12 ppl on the thurs morning, by thurs night there were 6. I was going to cancel it, then 2 of my friend took over and it was a good night.
Do whatever u want to do - trust me - it teaches you who your true friends are!
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
ive got a hen night for my friend coming up in feb and im only able to afford because im planning on using money i get for xmas and birthday.....otherwise i wouldnt be going!!! i also got another one later on and the moh is organising and she said the bride wants to go to edinburgh or london, which atm theres no way i can do! and im the other BM! i do think we have to be budget concious and just accept that some people wont be able go.... if someone said to me they couldnt afford it, id get over it and wouldnt hurt me coz thered be nothing i could do about it!
I dont think it teaches us who are true friends are, i think thats quite a selfish thing to say... really it should be the OTHER way round.....you accepting that your mates arent made of money and understanding THEIR needs too!
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
edited
Oh I wasnt saying that about money - I got all sorts of lame excuses from people like they had colds, had made other plans etc despite being told for a long time about it
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
:) x
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorxbeckix88
Sorry but i have to agree the Hen do should initially be down to the bride but its always good to discuss with all the hens.
I was meant to go abroad for mine when we talked about it my hens would of had around 10months to save for it but I changed it to have a night out over here as i wanted all my friends and family to be able to attend :).
I came up with what i wanted to do and luckily no1 objected and everyone was happy with whatever i wanted to do.
I agree that maybe moneys tight with xmas and things coming up and maybe shes having a bad time finacially at the moment but Maybe meet up with her talk about your concerns and how you want her there see if you can work out some sort of comprimise?
I'll be 36... I totally disagree! The hen do was put out to all my hens as an idea, requiring feedback. I think it would be impossible to cater for all hens on a night out as the majority of these have a varied age range. The purpose of a hen night info text is to get an idea of if it suits or not. My friends daughter is my flowergirl, I have known her a long time, and was more upset that her husband is able to go to my partners stag although they arent "friends". I also told all my hens that if it was too much for everyone, I would try to come up with something cheaper. I am not saying anyone shld splash £90 plus on a night out at all... I certainly know I dont do that often!! I just didnt get the change of voice overnight and the blunt response I received. I think a bride is able to certain her hen night around what she would like to do, I know i have been to plenty of hen nights which I wldnt have chose myseelf, but have thoroughly enjoyed as I have been in great company.... that being my friends.
To everyone else, thanks for ur replies, I spoke to her earlier and said that I will have a look at other ideas as I would really want her there, but to be honest, I think she wont even come to a local night out. She is quite shy and i think this is where the problem lies :( xx
