Firstly just wana say... breathe!! Take a step back and try to relax a little i know its easier said then done. Its bound to be a stressful time and sadly theres nothing anyone can really say or do your just going to have to deal with things. Take it steady and do things bit by bit - the plus side is that you've got just under 2 years till the wedding so you've got time :) the job front will sort itself out just need to be a little patient. The more worked up and stressed you get about things will just make you worse. I also suffered with depression and found that when things started to get too much I'd write a list of pros i.e. good family, lovely partner, gorgeous children - even something really simple like 'wrote out the guest list' or 'designed my invitations' just small little posiitve things will keep you going :D xx

Thank you Kayleigh,

Last night was the first time I've stared feeling panicky, after putting my son to bed my migraine just because so intense and I was thinking about everything and just started feeling suffocated by everything.

I have been independent for 8 years away from family and partner. I have asked for help but never relied on anyone and now I have to I feel that little bit more degraded. I cant talk to anyone about the issues at work as i have now taken it to a legal matter so I cant even just vent about the situation I have to sit here and let the anger and stress of it all wrap around in my head.

I will have to try your way of dealing just write everything down. I usually just sit in my sons room while he is sleeping which reminds me how lucky I am considering I may never be able to have a child again. But usually I just sit in his room and think of why I am lucky but it doesn't seem to be suppressing anything atm.

Maybe keeping my concentrations on something may help like you said, write the guest list or just something to preoccupy my mind.
I really didnt realise how much a wedding can overwhelm a person and with the other baggage which has come after H2B proposed its WOW

We are putting the deposit on the venue on the 15th we must do this as there is a couple who want the same day so we have booked our photographer, our florist, the church and put money down on the cars. all deposited but no more than just deposits.

We are lucky that my partner has just got his big break and got this full time job so we are not needing to sign on or ask for any benefits which i was dreading. Last time I was on benefits I had a mental breakdown as it was unbelievably difficult to live on.

Im sorry to hear that your poorly atm thats causing you to have to take extensive time off work and hope your back on your feet soon and am glad your partner is being supportive... there not partners for no reason though are they? I know you are supposed to support each other... Ive just been so used to looking after me and my son independently making sure if anything ever happened I wouldn't struggle on my own that I have never really given him the chance to say let me look after you or let me sort it out this time.

Mrs H 2B - Ive never come across such a power mad manager in my life and I cam e cross a few when I worked at McDonalds, this is a middle age woman for christ sake!! I have managed to get myself into an agency and worked my first shift last night, but its zero hour contract so I am never guaranteed atm this is much better than nothing.

I have tried to address everything that is stressing me out and keep my mind on more positive issues, like i am trying to sort out a night where my bridesmaids can come over and we can look at a save the date design.. but the migraines keep coming with a vengeance and i only get them when stressed so I have started taking my a-d again for a temporary help. when I got the agency meaning there is some income on my behalf i did feel a little better but i suppose something must still be niggling in my unconscious thats bringing on these damn migraines. i am grateful to you ladies for letting me vent here and being a huge support.