My h2b has previously been married and has a daughter from the marriage, unfortunately due to the mother he doesn't have a good relationship with her. He pays CSA and tries to see her as much as he's allowed to the point taking days off work and cancelling things to see her to then be let down last minute with excuses and lies. We have a daughter of our own who we try and interactive with her half sister but she's not interested in relationship with my daughter or me. Which i don't like as she's my partners daughter and I try to have a relationship with her. Anyway as she's getting older the relationship between my partner and his daughter is getting worse. To the point he doesn't no if he wants her to be bridesmaid because of her attitude ( she caused a lot of scenes at recent family events), the way she is towards myself, our LO and other people and because her mum is type of person who would turn around wedding morning and say she's not coming :( it's really getting me down because I want us all to have a good relationship but the more we try the more her mum stops it. What do I do :( x

I'm hoping it gets better as she gets older, and she's only 9 but her mum has involved her in too much adult life so she try's to act like a grown up :( it's so hard because h2b brothers kids don't like her so don't want her at their birthdays, which makes it awkward too. But god I hope it gets better at mo when she does come over we make sure she feels equal to our LO and part of the family and all she does is ignore me and take everything off my LO and literally stick to her dad which I understand is insecurity but we give her no reason to be, and she keeps saying stuff like mum says u don't love me and crap like that. She'll be about 12-13 when we hope to get wed. I just wish she could have a nice relationship with her half sister if anything x

That's what I'm hoping on. Part of me wants to tell her mum she has to pay halfs least that way if she stops her she loses half money too. Is that wrong of me? X

That's my worry but I think as her parent it's partly her responsibility. But OH mum and sisters don't seem to understand how hard it is for us with how it is. Like with photos I'll want some with her in but then some just me OH n our daughter and I know they'll get shit*y but when we were at christening it was ok to get my OH to have a pic of him n 2 daughters without me but not me with my family if that makes sense? X

Thanks hun, I really needed this chat :) x

Emma that is the same as my step daughter. She has been brought up to be an adult from an early age, doing adult things like having eye brows waxed from the age of 10. I know also this has a lot to do with society but her Mum could say no. I've known her since she was 8 years old and I have seen her attitude get worse as she has hit the teenage years, but seeing as I have two older ones, I know that is just growing up as well. They come out the other side though.

I would wait till nearer the time hun. Although you want her to b bm and keep everyone happy and also try to make the children feel like equals its too tricky. By what you have said she maybe wont want to be bm anyway by that time and it may cause aggro between h2bs ex and him. She might not let her daughter be bm. Its a tricky one but see how it pans out over the next few months.
x

Thanks ladies I'm guna leave it til closer to the time, and h2b ex is all about money too and scoring points ( childish). I think she'll want to be a bm ( to be centre of attention) but then will tell her mum that she doesn't as worried to upset her. But we will see. I think thing I find hardest is that she lies constantly like she'll say I have to be back at 4 because we are meeting the daddy of mummy's baby ( bad I know) then when we see her next I ask if he's nice and she says she's never meet him. So I really struggle that at the age of 9 she's living a lie. Plus I'm guna sound silly but with her mum having another baby she is over the moon about him and it hurts me because she's not bothered or interested my mu LO unless she's getting attention :( where's my happy fairy tale lol xx

That's what h2b said, he said he's done everything he can and more we try worse it is for us n the child but if we back off the mum isn't as evil ( crazy I know) and he said she'll go one way or the other and as long as she knows we love her then not much more we can do. But is heart wrenching seeing how my oh and his daughter are drifting apart and I know sounds horrible but I can see him putting a wall up with the situation with her because the ex makes it so hard and he's fed up of getting hurt everything the mum cancels as it's not fair on the child or my oh and I know she tells her it's our fault it got cancelled :( x o well only time will tell x

He went to court and £7000 later they had agreement that he would have her every weekend n every other Tuesday. But she put a stop to that after a while so she would get more money through CSA. And been told if we went back to court because she has full custody they can't make her do anything and we can have an agreement but its up to the mum. So would be waste of money as wouldn't get anywhere. Plus would get ugly and don't want that for the child x

Yep money is the source of evil lol. I'm guna focus on us as a couple for abit and think about it when it comes to it will deal with it x

I'm hoping she'll grow up but if she doesn't its h2b family that don't understand :( they see her treat me like crap and even said its awful how she speaks to me yet they don't get why I dont want her as bm on my wedding day if she acts like that. Hard because my h2b will tell her to apologise and won't let her get away with it but she changes for like 5 mins n then goes back to it x