My fiancé has been talking about when he wants his stag and he's pretty much decided on a weekend...
He wants to go on the friday night and have a full weekend, the friday night being my birthday.
He has reasons for that weekend, he is a teacher and it is the start of the half term so it means he won't be at work the following Monday.
However, I feel that since he is head of his subject and teaches more year 11's and sixth form then anything else, if he had the stag in June it wouldn't matter so much as its not like he would have loads of lessons to teach that Monday and someone in his department had their stag this weekend just gone and they were fine for work yesterday.
Also if he had it the following weekend, I could get someone to watch little one and then I could have that as a study weekend as I'm pretty sure that my exam for open uni will be that first week back at school (as it has been before)
I also work in schools, so my hen has to be on a weekend when I won't have the following monday off school.
Am I being childish not wanting him to have his stag that weekend?
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
I would not be happy with his stag on my birthday BUT it is only one birthday out of many and he has good reasons.... He needs to spoil you lol. Xxx
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorAH86
Try explaining all of the above reasons to him. I think the only way around this is communication and honesty Hun. Good luck x
Friday 10th April 2015
Marrying my best friend
Not long now :D
CommentAuthorJoanna
I wouldn't be happy about it. Sit down and talk it through with him. If this weekend is the only weekend he feels like he can do it, then he has to spoil you the next weekend lol
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
<3
CommentAuthorbarbie86
edited
Personally it wouldn't bother me; we'd just celebrate my birthday either the previous or following weekend.
It's not like he's randomly picked that date just to spite you: he has very good and understandable reasons. Yes, he could have it another time and go into work hungover, but that's not very professional, and he might not enjoy it as much knowing that he has to go into work on the Monday.
So honestly, I would just let him go, and just celebrate your birthday another time. You will have many more birthdays; he only gets one stag do.
Also to add: it kind of also sounds like because you have to have it on a weekend when you can't have the Monday off, part of you is begrudging him having it for that reason ie jealousy. I might be wrong, but that's how your last comment came across, and your OH might think the same. Just something to think about.
Why can't you both have your stag/hen during summer hols???
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorAprilS61
I wouldnt be happy with it being my birthday either, i would actually be quite upset. What weekend is it he's wanting exactly? Is there not any bank holiday you can both look at, or have them both at the same time? That's what we're doing. I agree with above, why can't you have it in the holidays?
Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
I am not jealous at all, I don't think we need to have it so we're not at work on the Monday to be honest. Neither of us are planning on drinking on the Sunday for our hen or stag, we're going the Friday evenings so will be drinking then and Saturday night but both are plans involved coming home on the Sunday... so I doubt he'll still be hungover on the Monday, chances are I will end up getting more drunk on my hen then he does on his stag. He isn't a massive drinker and his best man is T-Total.
The weekend he's wanting to do is the second bank holiday in May April, the friday is the 22nd which is my birthday.
If it was an absolute necessity that he had it that weekend I wouldn't mind, like if it was the only weekend some of his friends could do or whatever, I think it's more just the fact that his only reason for wanting that weekend is just because he won't be at work on the Monday... when there is another bank holiday in May and personally I don't see why he has to have the Monday off as he won't be drinking on the Sunday anyway and he never has two day hang overs. I know he didn't pick the date to spite me, but if it were the other way around and I had picked a date just because I wasn't at work the following Monday and then realised it was his birthday then I would change the date, it's not like he's even told anyone the date yet, other then his best man who he technically hasn't even told the date, just said that he was thinking of the first weekend in that half term (his best man won't even know what that date is as they didn't properly discuss it and he isn't involved in schools)
As for the summer holidays, I talked to my bridesmaids about having mine in the summer holidays and one of them thought it would be fine as long as I didn't mind and wasn't stressed about wedding stuff around that time but the other brought up a good point about if people are travelling for the hen and for the wedding it might end up quite awkward for them if they're only a couple of weeks apart from each other. He hasn't mentioned the summer holidays for his as he just said about that first week in the May half term (basically when the dates were brought up he took that date straight away)
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
Oh and we can't have the stag and hen on the same weekend as it might cause childcare issues. I have a son and although his dad might have him for the full weekend I wouldn't like to rely on that as he could let us down at the last minute, same for my bridesmaid (not with her babies dad as they're still together but he will be on the stag so they could end up with babysitting issues... they did for our engagement party so he ended up having to miss it)
I've been thinking about it more and I have to say I actually disagree with what most of you have said, if it really couldn't be helped that it was on that weekend I wouldn't mind, but although I have a birthday every year and he has only one stag-at the end of the day I get my birthday and that's it, he can have his stag any weekend and if having the Monday off work is essential there are other weekends where that is possibly, there's the first May bank holiday or the beginning of the Summer holidays, or he could have it the weekend after and although he wouldn't get the Monday off work he would be able to have all Friday instead of having to leave after work.
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
You can't please everyone when picking a date so pick one that works for you...
It's ok to disagree with us but why did u ask our opinion to then disagree???? :/
I do think your being a little petty, it's a birthday, an annual thing, a stag is not! Have the girls over on your birthday, have a girlie night/sleepover, do nails, drink wine/juice, eat pizza etc....
I'm sure he would make it up to you and sounds like he wants the Monday off work anyway, why is this an issue when surely you will be off work too if you're both in schools...
If you say he won't really be drinking then you will have two days off to celebrate your birthday...
All in all I'm a little confused...
X
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Hmmm...I think I'd be disagreeable like you tbh... It is your birthday xx
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorElizabethF49
I don't understand what the issue is other than he wants his when hes off the Monday it sounds like your really not bothered if hes away for your birthday or not but a bit annoyed your hen will be a weekend where your not off on the Monday.
Id be annoyed if OH wanted to go away and it fell on my birthday. I think its best to chat with him about it, he could well be thinking that as he is away fri-sun he will have the Monday to spend with you.
After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
Our son is 5 years old and our world
Getting married 15.08.15.
Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
CommentAuthorSianP10
I don't think you're being childish, you have your reasons. Have a calm conversation about it with him, if he doesn't budge then that's not the end of the world, you have enough time to get used to the idea so when it comes around you won't be so annoyed. I know my fiance will have very little to do with the planning (he is there if I need him but i'm happy to plough on, considering what he'd like along the way), so his stag is really his time to shine. Just make sure he spoils you rotten for your birthday if he does insist on this weekend! xx
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
Sorry I didn't mean to sound funny when I said about disagreeing with you, but when I first asked I was unsure of my feelings, I knew I was upset it might be happening on my birthday-meaning on my birthday I would see him for 10 minutes before he went to work, then I would have to rush get ready for work and then come back home to a weekend half on my own (I say half on my own because my son usually spends Sat night/Sunday with his dad) if it were any other weekend then I wouldn't mind, but I don't see why his stag when he has any other weekend, has to fall on my birthday.
My mum usually goes away May half term, my bridesmaids live in London and Weymouth (I'm in Yorkshire).
Elizabeth, I'm sorry if I gave that impression, but to be honest I don't understand why you think I'm more bothered about him having his stag when he has the Monday off work because I'm not, I even said there are other weekends when he could have it where he would still have the Monday off work like the first bank holiday in May and the beginning of the Summer holidays. When he first mentioned the first weekend in half term I had no issue with it, in fact I thought it was a good idea, it was only when I clicked that it was my birthday on the Friday that I started having second thoughts-which was when I posted this (well I realised late last night in bed, posted this morning as it was still playing on my mind.)
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
The reason I keep mentioning the Monday off work is because that is the only reason he picked that weekend-I mentioned it again because I was just pointing out that if it was a reason that meant it could only be that weekend (like if his best man or brother could only do that date) then I would suck it up and just accept it, but I don't actually think he is being fair if he expects to have his stag on my birthday when there are other dates he could have it on.
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
Thank you all for your replies anyway, haven't spoken to him about it again yet as he came in from work in a foul mood and I've been out to running club. Will let you all know what he says when he does.
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Good luck Hun xxx
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorElizabethF49
Maybe I just picked up the wrong end of the stick with the Monday thing. Let us know how you get on and if he will change it x
After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
Our son is 5 years old and our world
Getting married 15.08.15.
Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
CommentAuthorErinV
I don't think your being unreasonable or petty hun, I wouldn't dream of having my hen on his bday, it would be a no go from the start and feel he would be the same. I would be upset if he suggested this. I understand what your saying that if this is the only date everyone can do then that's different (I would still be upset too), but I think he should exhaust all other options first before even thinking about your birthday. Good luck with your chat, I'm sure he'll understand.
CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
I understand where you're coming from. I'd be the same! I wouldn't want to spend my birthday without my oh. It wouldn't feel right. Maybe he's got a surprise lined up for you and using the stag as an excuse?!
Met 18/09/03
Engaged 06/09/08
Getting married 05/09/17
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
edited
.... It is only ONE birthday out of a lifetime for you ....... And it's his ONE stag do
My hubby has been with me for my birthday one in the last four years as he works abroad ( missing my 50th last year ) in fact because it's a long weekend where he is he even goes away with friends , I can't doing anything with him as I don't see him for 3 1/2 months at a time ... He went April 18th ( my birthday end of May ) I don't see him till end of July ..
Organise something with friends that weekend and have extra celebration with him during the half term when he's back as you will both be off then
I can understand we might not always be able to be together on our birthdays Carla, but I do think arranging something on one of our birthdays that could be any other date is different to your situation, as yours cannot be helped. If he could only have his stag on my birthday because of whatever reason then I wouldn't mind, if he was working away on my birthday-I wouldn't mind, if he was away and went out with friends-I wouldn't mind, but when he can do it ANY weekend then I do not think it should be on my birthday.
Although he only gets one stag do, everything he is planning could be done ANY other weekend, there is no special event he really wants to do for his stag which will only be happening that weekend, there is noone who will be away every other weekend. If he has his stag on the first bank holiday in May, it will be exactly the same as if he has it on my birthday, if he has it the weekend before or after my birthday then his stag will be exactly the same, if he has it the first weekend in the summer holidays then his stag will be exactly the same. The only difference between his stag on any other weekend and that weekend is that it will be on my birthday!
We have spoke about it since and although he hasn't thought about when he will have it since, he has decided it won't be that weekend. I haven't said this to him, but if he has decided that he wanted it on that weekend still I wouldn't be happy, I do not think it is the best start to a marriage if he had decided to have it on my birthday for no reason really (being that his only reason was the Monday off work and that falls on other days as well) I wouldn't consider having my hen on his birthday, I felt bad enough a few years ago because my friends hen was the day before his birthday and we were stopping over (meaning I wasn't there when he woke up on his birthday) and that was the night before AND I had no say in the date (which like I say if he had no say what so ever in the date then I wouldn't mind)
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
Aghhh men
Turns out before I realised it was my birthday that weekend, he had decided he would rather have his stag the week after as although he would be at work on the Monday, he wouldn't be at work on the Friday so he wouldn't be in a rush from work to get to wherever he was going on the Friday. Only, he didn't tell me this and when I said about the weekend being my birthday, he assumed I meant his new weekend (even though he hadn't mentioned it to me) it was only when I was talking to him about other weekends and said something comparing it to the first weekend of half term that he said ''you mean the second weekend of half term''
So all this worry over nothing and it turns out even if that weekend where he has the Friday off (which is the ONLY weekend he could do with the Friday off unless it was a lot closer to the wedding) had fallen on my Birthday he wouldn't have chosen it, as he didn't want to do it on my birthday.... I took him going silent and not saying much about it as him still wanting it but not wanting to say so, whereas he had decided he didn't... so didn't think he had to say anything.
CommentAuthorVelcro
Hahahaha what a pair of wallys you are lol! Glad it's sorted and I totally get you for being miffed with it potentially being on your bday, especially as there was no reason at all any other weekend could be done, so I think it's a bit unfair people were saying its unfair of you to not want that, but all sorted for you so it's all good :)
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Lol
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
Glad it's all worked out :o)
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
edited
There you then .. Happy all round
I will remember your words on my birthday next year .. That it can't be helped that mr lala works away and not around on my birthday .. I'm sure it will help me hugely
I didn't mean it like that, I know that must be hard, but that's exactly why I didn't want him to have his stag on my birthday if it didn't have to be. I'm sorry if I offended you, I really didn't mean to.
CommentAuthorJennK
Glad it's all worked out ok :)
Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3
CommentAuthorElizabethF49
Glad it's all worked out in the end x
After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
Our son is 5 years old and our world
Getting married 15.08.15.
Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
